To think I never want another man?

[Bourneo]

Ok, so I'm on holiday, a little bit tipsy and had the briefest, most fleeting of thoughts... maybe it's time. Maybe I should dip my toe in the water and try online dating again.... before the blood in veins ran cold and I fully considered the horrors that would bring to my peaceful existence.

So go on, hit me with your pros and cons of dating again.

For context, this is purely light hearted. I have a 10 year old, no childcare, narcissist ex, excellent vibrator, my own house and a good career. Plus a cute dog for company. What could a man add to my life besides stress! ? 🤣

After four years together we weren’t any further forward in our relationship. I told him that I felt he had compartmentalised me into a small part of his life and asked for a reset. He responded by referring to our relationship in the past tense and dumping me completely out of the blue. Turns out he never loved me, and was really just going out with me as a convenience, someone to do stuff with, easy for him to commute to work on his office days.

So sorry this happened to you. What a bastard!

Nope.

Casual sex is rarely pleasurable and full
of risks.

I'm sorry you had those experiences, but no, good men are not 'extremely rare'. Your horrible experiences have understandably influenced your feelings on the subject, but just as you asked me not to diminish your experiences, please don't make me out to be some kind of outlier. I'm really, really not.

Don't look at me! I've got adult kids, my own house, a Dreadful Dog and absolutely no desire to pander to a man ever again. I've even lost the urge for sex! My last relationship was practically a master class in aversion therapy, so I'm going to stay strictly solo - the pros of being single outweigh the cons by so much that I struggle to find the cons under the mass of pros.

Come in, shoes off, feet up, cup of tea and no stupid questions/random statements/demands for food/'I was going to....but...' statements. Nope. Single all the way.

I guess the thing is a lot of women have to kiss a LOT of frogs to find a good one. And some never do.

When you have been kissing frogs for years you can see why some women think “good men” are rare. Although different people have different criteria for “good men”. Which may govern whether some people find them rarer than others.

I am not going to comment on whether they are objectively “rare” but I will say it seems far easier to come across the bad ones than the good ones.

Following

I voted yanbu but one day, when you least expect it, you may meet the love of your life, and take it from me, it's truly wonderful

Well, my ExH left me for a receptionist at his work. I found out he was having an affair the day before I started a new job! We have a DD. I had an awful 4 weeks where he was horrendous to me, and then me and DD moved into my parents house just to get away for my mental health. He moved her in! It was a really hard time and I vowed off men forever. As a dare my friend and i joined eharmony when we had a few. I was on it 5 weeks, went on 3 dates, one was awful, one was 'fine' and was great. Fast forward 5 years and I am engaged to the great one! I enjoyed the time I was single, and I love this time now, far far better than at any point of my marriage. Its only having a stable relationship I can see how messed up my marriage was and I am eternally grateful he left me!! I have heard horror stories though about OLD so I know I was lucky.

Perhaps the rarity of 'good men' is because they're of similar opinion to OP and many here. If you already have a house/home and are settled what does a woman bring to their life.

That certainly may be the case. I guess that I'm lucky in that the 'frogs' that I kissed were more men that were incompatible with me for whatever reason, rather than abusive or awful. I also have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit, and I had that from a pretty young age. I don't mean I'm some ball breaker, but I'm not at all easy to manipulate and push around (despite having been raised in a fairly old fashioned household with a distinctly anti feminist father)
Anyway, I'm not here to be a cheerleader for men, there are surely a lot of crap ones. I'm just not sure that they are in the vast majority.

How about we agree to the fact that perhaps good men aren’t extremely rare but the ones that do exist are already taken?

Which therefore means there isn’t much point in dating.

I have a DP and he’s a lovely man, very supportive, very good in bed, so I’m keeping him for now. BUT I’m not living with him, I’m not marrying him, I’m not even travelling with him. He is a nice but fairly small part of my life. If something happens to him, I won’t be replacing him. (Really hope it doesn’t though, as he is a lovely person)

That could well be the case.

😂😂 Nicely put!

I've dipped my toe in OLD after 9 years on my own. Kids are young adults.

Honestly the puddle for men my age is very small. Not sure I can be arsed

I can't deny that both my exH ( for the first ten years at least) and my subsequent partner were decent men. However nowadays the men I am attracted to, even if not already taken are no way interested in me. And the ones who are or would be interested in me have no appeal whatsoever.

@WhereIsMyJumper I think many decent ones are either taken or they too have been burned and aren’t really looking for the kind of commitment that some women may be after - be it emotionally or financially. They too have fathomed that they are better off single .

I am SO envious of people who had a handful of OLD dates and found their person. My friend’s partner went on one date. ONE.

He met my friend, was smitten and that was that!

Every now and again I'll remember an enjoyable experience I had with someone I was in a relationship with and think it would be nice to have that again and then I quickly remember how they irritated the hell out of me 99% of the time and feel grateful I'm single.

Yes after my much loved DH died, I thought that was it.

Life decided differently and it’s lovely.

Until you’ve done the hard path of spousal loss, you have no idea how you’ll feel.

Separated last yr after a 20 yr marriage and he left me(not the first time). Cannot be bothered to put up with a man again. Perfectly happy living on my own (with teenager for now) and not having to clean up after and mother a fully grown adult. Life is so peaceful and I love being able to do what I want when I want.

A Brie Fest is definitely something a single woman could enjoy. In PJs and slippers with a nice glass of wine, and video of choice. Bliss.

I feel the same. My life is so peaceful and uncomplicated. My last relationship has put me off men for life. The one before that was nothing but hassle too. Whenever I think of dipping my toe in the water again I question how it would work, where would I find the time, could I cope with my freedom being compromised? I know I just wouldn't adapt. My life is just too full now and settled. I wouldn't want to risk my own happiness or my children's.

Same. I’ve always said that I’d never want any other man after dh. I’d rather have a dog.