To think I never want another man?

[Bourneo]

Ok, so I'm on holiday, a little bit tipsy and had the briefest, most fleeting of thoughts... maybe it's time. Maybe I should dip my toe in the water and try online dating again.... before the blood in veins ran cold and I fully considered the horrors that would bring to my peaceful existence.

So go on, hit me with your pros and cons of dating again.

For context, this is purely light hearted. I have a 10 year old, no childcare, narcissist ex, excellent vibrator, my own house and a good career. Plus a cute dog for company. What could a man add to my life besides stress! ? 🤣

I’ve been single for eight years and no sex for that length of time either. I honestly don’t miss men or sex 99% of the time. Now and again I kind of crave human contact. I don’t think there will ever be another man for me and I’m ok with that. Genuinely ok.

Totally agree with you. I was abused terribly by my ex-husband. I have no interest in any of that nonsense again, and fortunately as a result of getting a ton of therapy I am far better equipped to realise when I'm being lied to/manipulated. I also have a far better understanding of how to be happy without the need for anyone else to make that happen. I have a lovely home, a lovely dog, lovely friends, and absolutely zero interest in any BS from anyone. Online dating seemed to be a good way to meet people when it first started, but these days not so much - I have no interest in it. If I happen to meet someone via my hobbies and day to day life so be it, but I completely understand your lack of interest in putting a load of effort into "dating" as such.
I would say that there is nothing unreasonable about your outlook on online dating. Though I think it's great to do hobbies and make pals the "old fashioned way" and remain open to meeting someone by accident as it were.

What about a woman?

What about it? That only works if you actually fancy women. Presumably anyone here who fancied women would be giving that a whirl already. Plus, as a previous poster pointed out, plenty of lesbians are utterly bored of having partners too!

Apparently "a filled 10-gallon aquarium is equivalent to the blood, water, and lymph system of a man weighing around 180 pounds." Could you lay under an aquarium with a vibrator? Seems preferable to dating and the shit men often bring.

🤣🤣🤣 Bloody Hilarious! And yes, way more preferable!

Well, I have considered it. But I saw a Facebook quote the other day that sums it up: the fact that I'm still attracted to men proves that sexuality isn't a choice!

My experience of online dating was awful and I would never try it again.

I am much happier on my own, enjoying life and my freedom. Friends bring companionship and my lovely pets give me all the love I need.

I occasionally regret being single, but it's usually only when my cat has left a decapitated rat for me to deal with. Or the bin has maggots in it. Other than that, I don't miss having a man.

I’m so happy being single. I’m just not suited to being in a romantic relationship, it sends my anxiety through the roof. I am twice divorced with two adult DC. What would I want another bloke for?

I go on holiday with friends/family/alone.

I feel the same way.

I miss having a dog more than I miss having a man, my aloof cat isn't the same company wise. 🤣 She's less tying and needy though which is handy when I'm overwhelmed with kids, and life in general.

I just don't feel the desire to lumber myself with another man.

My ex was bragging the other day about how he's good at selling himself (he'd been for a job interview) and I thought, yep, he's not wrong! Some blokes should be done for false advertising. 🙄

I'm sticking to my kids, pets, friends, and the single life. I'll choose peace and freedom thanks.

Those craving a bit of bedroom action could go to a sex club, or find a one night stand.

I've not got an overly high sex drive at this phase in my life but if I did I'd go for one of those options over trying to date again.

After being widowed a few years ago, I felt absolutely at the end of my tether. He was the love of my life.

By sheer chance, a guy, of my age, posted, on here, that he’d also lost his wife of many years.

We became online friends/support, met up as mates, but life has gradually moved on. Our feelings evolved organically and gradually.

We are in a lovely relationship - not 24/7 - and we have nothing but joy, fun and laughter with each other. 👍

He’s a lovely man, thoughtful, considerate and loving - as was my late husband - I’ve been lucky.

Vibrators are fine, and serve a purpose, pets, kids, friends and grandchildren are lovely, but nothing beats being in a close, loving relationship for me.

However, I have never, and would never, go near OLD. 😳

I love my partner. We have been together for over 25 years, and I am happy with him. We have made all our compromises and found a good life balance.

I never want to have to go through that process ever again with anyone else. If anything happens to him, I shall just get more cats.

I love dp and met him online, but I think I’m bloody lucky that he really does make my life better, and even then, I’ve taken on a fair whack of stuff I might not have chosen directly. Especially with a ten year old in the mix, I’d give it a miss.

We've been together for nearly 40 years and he's been an amazing husband and dad. If/when he passes I'd not bother but then I'm old. I never intended to marry it just sort of snuck up on us. We have two daughters both in what appear to be good marriages. Most of their friends are unmarried with no intention of marrying. One of the ladies was saying she intends to be a mum but no husband, she intends to ask one of the guy friends (who she knows would like to be a dad) to do the deed and share parenting. The others, simply nope, they'll stay as a friendship group.

On the more mundane side, I've been seriously ill on occasions and he's been there to take care of me (and the childen), change me, bedbaths, clean sheets, food all the mundane stuff

Has anyone ever watched The Good Wife? The main character lives alone with her children in her apartment and builds a nice life and when it comes to her husband moving back in it honestly annoys me. Him with his big galumphing presence and his socks everywhere, him hanging about the kitchen and all that stuff, just being in the way and changing the whole dynamic of her still little apartment. And I think of all the peace she had when it was just her and the kids. I just can't imagine ever living with a man again. Why do we start to feel this way, so many women just craving this peace. Even when they're happy in their marriages, knowing that they just wouldn't want another man around. Has it always been that way or is just that we're allowed to say it and feel it now?

Been single 9 year and no plan to change it.
I love being me and doing what i want.

Every time I think it might be nice to meet someone I see a thread on here that reminds me I actually don’t want to. Also IRL, so many of my friends have miserable disfunctional relationships or put up with cheating, financial control, sexual abuse. No thanks. Never risking all of that again.

I think that's a good place to start from - what you want him for.
Funny company?
Getting rid of spider?
Another child?
Snogging?

If you don't need him but want any of the above then just only date men who offer those and discard them (kindly) immediately if they don't suit

If my current relationship ended I wouldn’t look for another.

Aw I vote YABU because it’s about companionship. It’s not about the sex and I never have to ‘pick up socks’ - no woman does. If you’re picking up men’s socks then take a long hard look at your life choices.

I love hanging out with my DH even though we are fat old and grumpy. We are fat old and grumpy together. We laugh at in jokes we’ve laughed at for decades. If he wasn’t here, that’s what I’d miss and I’d try to find that again. And there are lovely men. I know loads of them.

Personally, I think we place waaaaay too much emphasis on sex and relationships. I’m not anti-men. Some of them are lovely. But we need to end this silly idea that not being in a relationship, or not having sex, is somehow unnatural and unhealthy - that you can’t be fulfilled or happy without them. The happiest people I know are all either single or childfree (or both). And my god I have known so many people whose lives have been ruined by marriage. I’d always thought of my cousin as the exception. He seemed so happy with his two daughters and his beautiful wife. They’d been together 20 years until, to my disbelief, their marriage imploded at Christmas and is now entering a hideous, bitter, messy divorce. That was the final straw. Not even they could make it work!! 😧

I have told my kids to regard marriage and children NOT as the goal/focus of life. Yes, a partner can bring you happiness. But you should never, never get with someone because you think “well, that’s just what you do isn’t it.” Only ever form a relationship if you really, really want to, and you really, really love the other person. There are so many other things you can fill your life with - music, art, books, dogs, friends, nature, travel. And don’t be afraid of being alone. Being single is so much more common nowadays. If you are over 30 and single, there are so many other people in the same boat - so many other people you can make friends with. We need to get to a point where marriage and kids is just one option among many rather than ‘the norm’.

This. I had a dreadful husband, now ex but was blessed with a long relationship to a wonderful man, who died suddenly a few years ago. I wouldn’t want a man at any price. I have a cute pet, family and friends. Currently travelling solo in Europe and absolutely loving it.

By the way ladies there a great FB page for solo travel for women over 50 ( called exactly that) - very supportive, suggestions, link ups etc