To think I never want another man?

[Bourneo]

Ok, so I'm on holiday, a little bit tipsy and had the briefest, most fleeting of thoughts... maybe it's time. Maybe I should dip my toe in the water and try online dating again.... before the blood in veins ran cold and I fully considered the horrors that would bring to my peaceful existence.

So go on, hit me with your pros and cons of dating again.

For context, this is purely light hearted. I have a 10 year old, no childcare, narcissist ex, excellent vibrator, my own house and a good career. Plus a cute dog for company. What could a man add to my life besides stress! ? 🤣

You can dump him! Or at least ask him to move out

I’m 7 years into life without a man and I can confirm life has never been better. I miss sex, that’s it.

After my marriage ended 8 years ago, I dated some future-faker bloke, he’s now dumped.
I live alone, have dogs, full command of the remote control for the tv, loads of books and no need of a man. They can’t all be idiots of course. The law of averages says that. However, I am happy single.
I cannot imagine myself dating or in a relationship now. I am 61, fit as a butchers dog and have zero tolerance for the male ego and the associated BS.
The funny thing is, that all my single friends feel the same so I am clearly not an oddball, for once.

I've been a widow for the last fifteen years. It was lonely at first, but as time has gone on, I thoroughly enjoy my single life. I can plan my own days and nights, read all night long without annoying anyone and spend my money on who and what I want to. I have a cat and a horse for company and conversation, pleasant and helpful neighbours. Eureka!

I've been wondering the same but after reading all these replies think I will also not bother. Despite the intense loneliness, I have three amazing adult children who are flexing their wings and heading towards being proper grown ups - late developers as they are all over 25 now
The only thing I really miss is being one person's priority, even just for a day. But even when I think back to my 20 year marriage, I never felt like that anyway certainly not for the last 15 years and especially when the week after our separation I asked him how he was coping and he said "I'm fine, missing the children heaps but not missing the dogs or cat. Or you".
So at the risk of feeing that knife in the gut again I'm staying single too

I think its fine to want or not want a relationship. Whatever makes you happy.

I have a bad picker so I tend to pick men who have big hearts but are damaged in some way (2 addicts, a man with serious mummy issues, inability to deal with their emotions, mental health troubles they won't work on).

I've also not been great in relationships as a partner.

I keep an open mind if it happens but I'm at peace with being single the majority of the time. I can say I'm happy.

If I were to get into another relationship it would need to be with a man who is accountable, forgiving, generous and open to sharing experiences together. If not I have my family and friends for those things

I only miss sex - absolutely nothing else at all.

Unfortunately I’ve never been someone who can do casual sex so I’ve had to learn to live without.

I love my DH completely. He is the best decision I ever made. But after 20 years, the thought of going back to dating again is just....ugh.

I think it would be easy to romanticise the excitement of dating and 'playing the field' when you're advancing towards middle age. But when I look back honestly at my pre-DH dating life what stands out to me most, is the memory of continually having my hopes raised and then let down by men, the game playing and mixed messages, and that constant low-level anxiety of never quite knowing where you stand with someone. I gather from my younger single colleagues that things have not improved in 20 years. If anything, the way they describe OLD it's clearly gotten worse.

If anything happened to DH I don't think I could be bothered with men. I would focus on my DC, my career, my friends and the cats. I'm sure I would feel lonely sometimes, but a quick look at the relationships board on MN tells you there are many things worse than loneliness. I wouldn't risk my peace and security (or that of my DC) by letting another man into my life.

Exactly this.

Don't do it, OP. You are indeed enough.

If you’re perfectly happy without then there’s no point searching for it. I could give you a million reasons why I’m happy in my marriage but when you know that’s not what you want I don’t think there’s any point

I have been happily single for 8 years and intend to stay that way. Since my divorce 30 years ago,I've had one long term relationship and several shorter ones. All ended for the same reasons. All men seem to want is sex,being looked after (washing done,meals prepared) or money. When my LT relationship ended in mid 2017,I decided enough was enough. I can't be doing with having to look after another (fit and able bodied) adult. I'm disabled myself with several health issues and I struggle sometimes to look after myself properly,never mind someone else. As for sex,I can live without it quite happily. And I'm not going to be used as a cash machine for some freeloader,who,as it turned out,had tens of thousands in the bank.

YABU to think that a vibrator is a substitute for sex. It isn't. Could you find an FWB, if you can't be bothered with a relationship?

Same. I can’t bring myself to even approach and chat to a man let alone sleep with someone. All trust in men has diminished after having been fucked over by most of them. The ghost of my libido haunts me from time to time and masturbation is more of a genital sneeze these past 4, 5 years, what’s the point!

I’m with everyone else - don’t do it OP. I feel really lonely sometimes but that is preferable to the heartbreak that men bring you. In a romantic sense, they are all liars. Every single one I have been with have been anyway. I don’t trust them one bit and much prefer putting the energy into myself rather than trying to keep a man happy.

That just isn't true. I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences but that doesn't mean that all men are bad. I'm not saying that OP should date if she doesn't want to, but a lot of these replies are just feeding each other and are full of confirmation bias. That said, given OP's child is only ten, she is as well to put off dating for a while anyway. But I do have to be the voice of dissent when people say that all men are bad. Not because men need me to stick up for them or even out of concern for their needs, but because women don't deserve to be told endless horror stories about how hopeless it all is.

But when I look back honestly at my pre-DH dating life what stands out to me most, is the memory of continually having my hopes raised and then let down by men, the game playing and mixed messages, and that constant low-level anxiety of never quite knowing where you stand with someone. I gather from my younger single colleagues that things have not improved in 20 years. If anything, the way they describe OLD it's clearly gotten worse

This is the PERFECT description of dating and why I cannot be bothered with it anymore.

I am sure there are great men out there but I cannot destroy my mental and emotional health dealing with the shit show that is dating to try and find one.

This thread is such an insight. Most 50plus men are awful. Really entitled, not aware enough to understand that a woman is not there to provide one-way meals and support. Talking about themselves, needing to control what’s on TV, getting into moods that they imagine everyone should kowtow to…. No.

Agree. I was actually really optimistic when I was first single - I have great male friends, I’m still amicable with my ex h and j have an adult son so I thought there would be plenty of eligible 50 something men out there.

How fucking wrong could I be? And I’m not looking for perfect ton but even an equal parter who adds to my already good life turned out to be as rare as a rainbow unicorn carrying a pot of gold

After a succession of sex pests, love bombers, men who harassed me, dick pics, puss heads, one who started wanking during a phone call, one who sent me 22 messages in less than 23 hours after i gave him my number followed by phone calls and VM’s, the liars, the ones who knocked a decade off their age, were 4/5 inches shorter than they claimed to be and the majority just after a shag or a nurse with a purse - I realised my life was so much better without a bloke.

The comments on threads like this from people currently in relationships - especially long-term ones, or marriages - going 'oh well if DH died/we broke up I'd never want to date again' - aren't very helpful. You're not single so it's only a hypothetical for you, and it's easy to say that when it's only a hypothetical.

Like many here, I’m happily married to my best friend and see my life with him. BUT if that ever changed I don’t think I’d bother dating. I don’t think I’d find another like him, and without that level of emotional intimacy the rest is replicable elsewhere.

That wasn’t about you. You do know that? He was just a massive, immature, dickhead and trying to hurt you. Please don’t let him. And if you feel intensely lonely? Nothing wrong with getting out there, if YOU want to. Don’t let one spoiled little shit ruin it for you.
For all I think if my DH was to die, I wouldn’t be arse with replacing him. I also think, if I were to die, in time, my DH would be a thoroughly decent man, on the market! Someone would get lucky with him. It can happen xx

God and younger women are saying the others, in their 20s and 30s, have all judged how to treat women by way of porn. Is there a 40s sweet spot?

Some dates might be a bit of fun. But I don’t think OLD is the place to find an actual relationship. But if you don’t want one anyway, and could just dip in very lightheartedly… it could be fun. But on balance, I’d take the peaceful single life rather than any potential headfuck.

Most of my friends have happy, healthy relationships. But I’ve had two that were - in very different ways - the opposite of that and even though I miss sex and occasionally someone to chat to randomly as the mood takes me, I’m so much happier on my own than I was for a large chunk of my adult life so I’m not going looking for a man. He’d have to be absolutely incredible to persuade me it was worth giving it a go and I’m not convinced that’s going to materialise!

I’d rather have a Brie fest than a man!

omg we won!