To think I never want another man?

[Bourneo]

Ok, so I'm on holiday, a little bit tipsy and had the briefest, most fleeting of thoughts... maybe it's time. Maybe I should dip my toe in the water and try online dating again.... before the blood in veins ran cold and I fully considered the horrors that would bring to my peaceful existence.

So go on, hit me with your pros and cons of dating again.

For context, this is purely light hearted. I have a 10 year old, no childcare, narcissist ex, excellent vibrator, my own house and a good career. Plus a cute dog for company. What could a man add to my life besides stress! ? 🤣

OLD is soul destroying, I have given it many goes over the years and never had anything meaningful come of it. My best relationships have been with people I’ve met in ‘real life’. I’d all but given up after yet another disastrous year or so of OLD, when I met DP in the local pub (he’s not local so that was lucky!). Still together 5 years on and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Nah leave it. There are no benefits at all to having a man in one’s life. Stay single for life and be happy.

Water good idea......

Another one checking out of dating here. Met my last one at 47 after a decade single (never married or had kids), and for the first couple of years it was lovely. We met OLD part way through Covid so I didn’t worry too much at the start about not meeting his family or kids, or going abroad for a week, because we weren’t allowed. I allowed myself to feel that maybe this one was a keeper.

After four years together we weren’t any further forward in our relationship. I told him that I felt he had compartmentalised me into a small part of his life and asked for a reset. He responded by referring to our relationship in the past tense and dumping me completely out of the blue. Turns out he never loved me, and was really just going out with me as a convenience, someone to do stuff with, easy for him to commute to work on his office days.

It’s been a year since we split up and I am nowhere near over the deceit of him future-faking, and letting me think that I had a chance at a happy future with him. Before him I had always gone into a relationship with an open mind, and a positive outlook but now I feel that he broke that. At 53 I really don’t feel that I can let my guard down again to let anyone else in. I think I have two issues to deal with - firstly, how little he thought of me, and secondly, how at the age of 53 I’ve never lived with anyone, or been engaged, or had a child, or married, or even been proposed to, and that despite all my friends telling me that it isn’t the case, that it isn’t them, it’s me. That last relationship has done so much damage to my self esteem that I really don’t know how I’m going to fix it, it seems like such a gigantic task, and maybe I’m better just counting on myself.

I saw somewhere the happiest two groups of people are: married men and single women!

Oh @PauliesWalnuts I really feal for you. What an absolute bastard he was. It's definitely him, NOT you. He is a faliure as a human being to treat you that way. You are so well rid of him!

I'm with you OP, zero interest!

👏. I would never see another man in my road, stuff that for a laugh, thats what i always say to my husband 😆 🤣 and when he goes i will be love honeys best customer! 😆 🤣

Anyone else now getting DM’s from men?

A weighted blanket and a vibrator sounds far easier to sort out when the urge comes around 😆 🤣.

@Ineednewcurtainsandblinds thankyou xxx it was ten years ago so yes I have realise it wasn’t me but at the time it really hurt 😊 he’s happily remarried now and I honestly wish him the best whilst being very glad to not be married anymore to someone that shallow and thoughtless 🤣🤣

I know what you mean about having someone exclusively to have your back. I think that's the only thing that I tangibly miss. I'm 5 years single, in that time my ex has moved on - I read somewhere that divorced men tend to remarry but divorced women don't - and I would rather sacrifice having someone to ostensibly be there to fight my corner for the freedom I have. I am lonely at times, I won't lie, but it's preferable to the anxiety of being with someone that never loved you as much as you loved them, and with whom the chances of being balls deep in someone else wasn't quite zero.
The thought of OLD makes my pancreas invert with horror. Hard pass.

Just have a look through POF, it will put you off. Im happily single, wouldnt mind a relationship if the right one came along but looking through POF is like looking at the rejects pile in a charity shop.

Ain’t that the truth

Though the worst of the lot I tried was Ourtime. Their advertising shows Clooneyesque silver foxes with a twinkle in their eye.
Though in reality it’s full of overweight pasty faced, flabby, slack jawed pensioners posting bad selfies all seemingly taken whilst wearing a hi viz vest in the gents toilets in a public park with Norman Bares vibes radiating.

I paid for a months subscription and deleted after about 4 days!

That’s why I said “every single one I have been with anyway” in my post. If you’d had the experiences I had, you would feel the same way. Trust me. Don’t diminish how I feel about romantic relationships.

I’m single , honestly the only thing I really want from a man is sex 🤷🏻‍♀️..
Toys don’t cut it for me , aside from that I’m happy with my kid’s & life 😊..
I do have fun but not as much as I’d like …

@TwistedWonder - the worst one I tried was Fitness Singles. I’d love to know how some defined the word “fit”.

I'm sorry you feel that way, but you shouldn't claim that your personal experience is universal, because it isn't.

Where did I claim it was universal? And you do you enjoy having a go at heartbroken women?

Just to add - in my romantic history with men, I have been abused (both physically and emotionally) lied to, slapped, stolen from, cheated on, ben fed lines to get one thing out of me, been left in pain and bleeding while going through a termination at home (I was promised support during that one but he got bored and went out and got pissed instead) so please kindly don’t try and make out that I’m not allowed to have a bleak view of men.
Im glad you have found a good one, but in my experience that’s extremely rare.

I tried OLD ages 31-34

I ended up coming off it after mutiple sexual assaults, gas lighting, ghosting, narcissists and just plain bizarre behaviour. Druggies and alcoholics were a common theme too. In the end I was actually so desensitised to these men, that I would retell an OLD story to a colleague and they would be in shock with me sitting casually retelling it. I tell my now husband some snippets of stories and he has cried (yes, cried) on one occasion. Every. Single. Man. I met OLD commented on my weight (75kg and 178cm tall) - I has broad enough shoulders to realise it was negging at the time and swiftly move on. Completely average men on paper, and below average in terms of ethics / morality would act like they were some sort of prize. It was horrific.

Many of these men are now married or have impregnated some unsuspecting victim which always surprises me. I think they can put on the right act to trap a woman as one thing most of them have in common is they end up pregnant, buying a house together or married within a few months of meeting each other. I have noticed a pattern definately.

I met my now husband at Parkrun and he works in the same career as me. So it was so much easier. The boyfriend I had in 20s I also met naturally and surprisingly that worked out for several years until it didnt.

This has been excatly my romantic expierences, my sisters and the female friends I have had through school, two universities and post graduately sadly.

if you meet a good man when you are youngish you do not let him go without a fight do you? Therefore the ones in the pool usually have something wrong with them.

Does it have to be all or nothing. Why do women seem to want to go the whole hog? Men certainly don’t. Shag a few and keep your nice lifestyle.

Getting sex is easy but comes with too many risks. Most women don’t want it enough to face those risks.
I still fancy men. Would love to have sex again but not enough to risk my peace and security. I have my children from my failed marriage and life is excellent. I do feel for the women who want children so are still out there trying to play the game.
I know of three women who have taken on a man in their late 40s - nearly 60. They are happy in all cases. Two got married. But in each case they were the ‘catch’. The ones with their own home, good pension or no children to complicate things and in each case have contributed far more to their relationship than the man has. Either financial or housing or effort or childcare or just doing the majority of the life admin stuff.
I look at those women and consider whether I want to put in so much to get companionship. The answer is No.

I can only speak for myself but casual sex with someone I don’t feel connected to emotionally really doesn’t appeal.
Some people can have sex without emotions, others can’t

And I do think the older you get, the less it seems worth the hassle