I won’t let anyone take my baby out in the pram without me

[BeTicklishBee]

I need to know if I’m being unreasonable. I have this fear of people( grandparents, aunts etc) taking my son out in the pram without me there. I’m totally fine if I’m there but I don’t know if it’s down to the fact that my parents are in their late 60’s and aren’t super healthy/fit or that fact that our town is just full of dodgey people and drugged up people. It’s a common occurrence of stabbings on random people etc. (we are moving out of this town soon!) there has been many occasions where literally crackheads want to come up to the pram and say hi to my son.

It’s my partners nephews birthday today and I asked my parents to have the baby as we can’t really take him with us and my mum has refused unless I let her take my son out on the pram. I told her no as it’s always been my hard rule so nothing new and she’s just gone in on me saying I’m be irrational and I’ve got deeper issues and maybe I do but in my head I’m a new mum my baby is only a couple of months old and I’ve explained countless amounts of times this fear I have. I just feel like she’s ridiculing me over something I have no control over and I feel I am getting better with it as when he was first born I wouldn’t let anyone even push the pram even my partner. She will only have my son for three hours so I don’t know why she can’t just stay at home with him, she has a big garden and a big house so why is she absolutely 100% determined on taking him out even though I’ve told her time and time again how I can’t allow that to happen.

am I being irrational?

Yes, you are being irrational. See your GP.

Of course the father should be able to take his own child out alone.

Others maybe in due course

The combination of asking them to help you by looking after your child but saying that they are too old to be trusted to use the pram without you is unreasonable:

You are being neurotic, irrational and unkind and unfair to your family as well as depriving your child of time with family.

You are in the grip of anxiety and need to speak to you GP as these feelings are not rational and you are unwell.

Why have you had a baby with a man you don’t trust?

Yes, you are unreasonable. Your poor baby and poor mother. You need to get help fir this anxiety.

I think this is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever read even by Mumsnet standards.

Yes you are being extremely irrational, DS grandparents are late 60s early 70s, they look after him 1 day a week. Has anything actually happened to your DS when you've been out with him in the pram? If not what's the likelihood of something happening when someone else is with him?
And unless it's going to be particularly noisy (sporting event or concert) there's not really many places you can't take a baby. Wait until they're a toddler and running round everywhere! At least now he can stay in a pram and sleep, or on you.

You need to get help for your anxiety, that is the issue here, not your mum taking baby out in the pram which is a perfectly normal thing for her to do.

Your fear seems to be that if your late 60s parents (I'm 67, by the way - just back from the gym where I did an hour on the treadmill and then a weights session, all after a fast 3 mile walk with my dog) will be unable to stop an assailant stealing your baby.

Is baby stealing common round your way? And what makes you think you'll be the only person able to fight off the baby thief?

You're being silly.

is this serious?

Yes, you’re being irrational and you should go to your GP about that.

And the reality is that if you want people to do you a favour you have to consider their terms as well as your own.

It is nerve-wracking having a new baby, it really is. BUT; if you read through your post, your are in the dangerous position of trying to control everyone. If you don't get this in check, you are probably going to end up absolutely suffocating your child because of your own fears and anxiety, which definitely need addressing. Please see your GP, they will help.

I feel I am getting better with it as when he was first born I wouldn’t let anyone even push the pram even my partner

This is absolutely batshit.

Does your mum live in the same area as you? Are there less dodgy areas to walk with a pram? Taking the baby out I’d consider all but essential when looking after a little one I think. Can understand your reticence if the area is truly awful, but I think if you’re happy to do it then you should be okay with them doing it too?

Completely abnormal behaviour & you need to be careful that you don't pass your irrational anxiety onto your child. Get help for your mental health problems and PND.

something I have no control over You do have control over it.

I’m afraid you’re being VERY irrational. This is not fair behaviour on your family. It’s completely normal for grandparents, providing free childcare to take their grandchild out for a walk.
If you trust them to take care of him at all then you trust them to put him in a pram and walk down the road.
What does your partner say to all this. I can’t imagine telling my DH that he wasn’t allowed to push his own child in the pram!
You need to speak to someone about your anxiety.

Yes you're being irrational, if they're fit to look after the baby at all then they're completely capable of pushing a pram!

Your baby so you can have whatever rules you want, but everyone else is well within their rights to refuse to do you a favour babysitting if they feel like you're putting unreasonable restrictions on them.

some people are being quite harsh in their responses.

it’s up to you who takes your baby out but if your anxiety is overwhelming to the point where you’re imagining catastrophe each time you think of them going out in the pram then perhaps you should be thinking of addressing your anxiety.

it is unfair to ask your parents to care for baby but not allow them to take them out for a walk if needed, if they are fit and healthy enough to do so. And if they aren’t, how are they caring for baby effectively?

You need to seek help with this op.

Would it be okay if your DF went with DM on the pram expedition, so one to push and one to stand guard to repel all boarders?

Seriuosly , it sounds as if DM is worried about your slightly irrational fears and is trying to use this occasion as a way of demonstrating to you that your fears are groundless. Give it a go, on the condition that Both DP stagger along with the pram. Maybe just a quick jog round the block?

You do realise they may leave home one day, yes you sound irrational, I presume you are aware when you are out and about yourself their are babies and children in public without their parents?

If I was your mum I wouldn’t be bothering to look after your kid at all. Poor granny.

Sorry to hear you're going through this OP. I remember having crazy intrusive thoughts like a car was going to hit my baby's pram etc when we were out. It was because I had post-natal anxiety which is treatable. Unfortunately you are being unreasonable, because you're not well. Do go and see someone. I'd also suggest having baby's dad take him out in the pram while you watch something on TV that you enjoy. When he gets back hopefully you'll start to see that people taking baby out doesn't have to be feared. It will take time.