I won’t let anyone take my baby out in the pram without me

[BeTicklishBee]

I need to know if I’m being unreasonable. I have this fear of people( grandparents, aunts etc) taking my son out in the pram without me there. I’m totally fine if I’m there but I don’t know if it’s down to the fact that my parents are in their late 60’s and aren’t super healthy/fit or that fact that our town is just full of dodgey people and drugged up people. It’s a common occurrence of stabbings on random people etc. (we are moving out of this town soon!) there has been many occasions where literally crackheads want to come up to the pram and say hi to my son.

It’s my partners nephews birthday today and I asked my parents to have the baby as we can’t really take him with us and my mum has refused unless I let her take my son out on the pram. I told her no as it’s always been my hard rule so nothing new and she’s just gone in on me saying I’m be irrational and I’ve got deeper issues and maybe I do but in my head I’m a new mum my baby is only a couple of months old and I’ve explained countless amounts of times this fear I have. I just feel like she’s ridiculing me over something I have no control over and I feel I am getting better with it as when he was first born I wouldn’t let anyone even push the pram even my partner. She will only have my son for three hours so I don’t know why she can’t just stay at home with him, she has a big garden and a big house so why is she absolutely 100% determined on taking him out even though I’ve told her time and time again how I can’t allow that to happen.

am I being irrational?

Seriously? What a load of pseudo, psycho-waffle nonsense!

And I speak as someone who was treated for severe PND.

I use to panic about this, I would go over and over all the things which could go wrong. I got diagnosed with postnatal anxiety. Speak to your gp or health visitor they will help

For someone having a go at others for being unkind, read your OP!

As someone who is trying to navigate the potential that I have ppa I think you do need to speak to your gp or hv regarding this. I however do not think you’re being unreasonable.

As someone who has tried to create boundaries with family/friends and had them ignored by some, I completely understand where you’re coming from by reading your reply to the responses. Taking your baby out when you were sleeping and not telling you won’t have made you feel better about the situation at all. At the end of the day he is your son, you are his mum and what you say goes, regardless of what anyone says.

Everyone only gets so upset when they don’t get their way or they’re told “no, you can’t do that” You’re right, your mum doesn’t need to take him out if it’s only going to be a short visit.

I think these comments are savage. Clearly everyone can see you’re struggling and rather than offering sympathy and support, they’re going in on an anxious first time mum.

I do agree it’s unreasonable to expect your mum to look after your baby without giving her a means to get out and about with him if she needs to. So yes, you do need to feel comfortable with people pushing your baby in the pram at some point.

It does also sound like you might have some post partum anxiety. You are not the first or last mum to feel this way and I promise with the right help you can overcome this fear.

Speak to your health visitor or GP. I myself struggled massively with “giving up control” over little things with my daughter when she was first born…fast forward a year and I’m grateful for any childcare I can get 🤣

Worries about are babies can be overwhelming, especially with the first. However, yours seems more severe than most.

Have a chat with your GP or Health Visitor about your anxiety. You don't want your child picking up on it throughout their childhood, so seek support sooner rather than later.

If your parents are dependable enough to babysit they are dependable enough to take the baby for a walk. Have some faith in them and enjoy your nephew's party

And poor Op for feeling so anxious. That’s a hard thing to live with.

I accidentally pressed you are not being unreasonable when I meant to press that you are being unreasonable!!

Well that’s a changed story….

I’m sucking astonished at these replies. Op’s mum is refusing to babysit if she can’t take the baby out? When she’s only looking after him for a few hours and she has a big garden? Regardless of op’s PFB overprotectiveness, this is what stands out to me.

Some of these replies are disgusting. OP is clearly ill.

This stuck out to me too, maybe OPs anxiety has something partly to do with her mother stamping on her boundaries. Throw in PND and no wonder OP is feeling how she does.

If your parents are scatty then I understand you not wanting them to take the baby out but if you don’t trust them then you shouldn’t ask them to babysit.
I find the fact that initially, you wouldn’t even let your DH push the pram! It’s his baby too! What were you going to do with all these knife wielding yobs that your partner couldn’t?
You really need/needed help with that level of anxiety.

Because she asked us if she was being irrational and unreasonable, but doesn’t seem to want to accept that she clearly is (because of ppa) even though almost everyone is telling her that she is, and that she needs medical help.

This won't go away by giving into the anxiety. You have to let them take the pram out and they'll come back fine and your anxiety will start to ease. The more they come back fine, the more it was ease. If you give into the anxiety, you're feeding it and it grows.

This. But also please make that appointment with your GP.

It was an AI response.

Yes, you’re being totally irrational.

She probably wants to show your dc off to her friends and neighbours!!

What do you think will happen?

Presumably your mum brought you up and managed to take you out in the pram without anything bad happening. You’re being ridiculous and entitled expecting free childcare but you won’t even let your mum take your baby out. Please get help with your anxiety otherwise you’ll be back here in 5 years time complaining that you have no family support and that your mum has a closer relationship with her other grandkids 😴