I won’t let anyone take my baby out in the pram without me

[BeTicklishBee]

I need to know if I’m being unreasonable. I have this fear of people( grandparents, aunts etc) taking my son out in the pram without me there. I’m totally fine if I’m there but I don’t know if it’s down to the fact that my parents are in their late 60’s and aren’t super healthy/fit or that fact that our town is just full of dodgey people and drugged up people. It’s a common occurrence of stabbings on random people etc. (we are moving out of this town soon!) there has been many occasions where literally crackheads want to come up to the pram and say hi to my son.

It’s my partners nephews birthday today and I asked my parents to have the baby as we can’t really take him with us and my mum has refused unless I let her take my son out on the pram. I told her no as it’s always been my hard rule so nothing new and she’s just gone in on me saying I’m be irrational and I’ve got deeper issues and maybe I do but in my head I’m a new mum my baby is only a couple of months old and I’ve explained countless amounts of times this fear I have. I just feel like she’s ridiculing me over something I have no control over and I feel I am getting better with it as when he was first born I wouldn’t let anyone even push the pram even my partner. She will only have my son for three hours so I don’t know why she can’t just stay at home with him, she has a big garden and a big house so why is she absolutely 100% determined on taking him out even though I’ve told her time and time again how I can’t allow that to happen.

am I being irrational?

No, you are not being irrational — you're being a protective and responsible mum,

Your baby is only a few months old. That’s a tender, emotionally heightened time. Your instincts are in overdrive — and that’s actually a biological, protective response, not a flaw.

The feelings you have — anxiety about safety, control over your child’s environment, and wariness of certain people or surroundings — are very normal for new mothers. Most health visitors and midwives would validate this as part of the early parenting journey.

You mentioned that you live in an area with real safety concerns — stabbings, drug use, and unpredictable people approaching the pram. That’s not paranoia. That’s lived experience.

It’s entirely reasonable to set firm boundaries when those boundaries are based on actual risks. You’re not asking her to never leave the house — just not to take the baby out into an environment you don’t feel is safe.

You’re also considering your parents’ age and fitness, which is again thoughtful and rooted in realistic limitations — not judgment or overprotection. It’s valid to factor this in when it comes to the physical and mental demands of taking a baby out

Your mum calling you irrational or saying you have deeper issues is unfair and invalidating.

Whether your anxiety is mild or more intense — that doesn’t mean it’s not valid, and certainly doesn’t mean it deserves ridicule.

If someone can’t respect your boundary as a parent, it becomes their issue, not yours.

Your Rule Is Clear and Consistent

You’ve said this from the beginning — it’s not new.

She’s not being asked to do anything unreasonable: just watch her grandson for 3 hours at home, in a comfortable space she already knows.

If you decide to talk again with your mum, you could gently say:

“Mum, I know it might seem overprotective to you, but this is something I feel strongly about for my own peace of mind as a new mum. It’s not about you personally — it’s just a boundary I need to have in place while I adjust to motherhood and until we move to a safer area. I appreciate you helping, but this isn’t something I can bend on right now.”

No, you’re not being irrational. You’re being instinctive, careful, and thoughtful — all qualities that make for a brilliant mum.
You may continue to grow and become more flexible with time, on your terms, when you feel ready — not because someone pushes you.

You are the mum. You get to decide what feels right for your baby.

I don’t know how physically fit you have to be to make bottles, change nappies etc???

Oh now you're being ridiculous.
I know a wheelchair user who had two children. She was perfectly capable of changing nappies and making bottles.

Agree with this.

(almost) everyone on this thread agrees that your position isn't reasonable OP. If that's down to mental health difficulties then please do reach out to your GP for support with that. But that doesn't change the fact that that it's unreasonable.

My DM cared for my DC1 now and then as a small baby for a few hours here or there when I was unwell or had an appointment. I don't think she would have done it if I'd banned her from taking her out in the pram as she often did this as she found it the easiest way to get her to sleep.

Also, not what you asked but I don't understand why you can't take the baby with you to celebrate your nephew's birthday? And personally if it was something that really was totally impossible to take a baby to (I'm really struggling to imagine such a thing), I wouldnt be asking my mum to have my kids(s) as a baby for that, if it was a nephew off DH's side then he'd just go. I only ever ask for childcare for medical appointments and the like. They're my kids to care for, a nephews party is hardly an emergency requiring childcare.

So what are you going to be able to do to protect your baby from a knife wielding junkie that your parents can't do? This is totally irrational.

You need to see your doctor and be assessed for possible ppa. Your anxiety is so high it's preventing you from having your family doing normal activities with your baby even when you want them to babysit.

You need help!

Calling a new mother irrational, ridiculous or insane is not helping the OP at all. Many of us as young new moms were so watchful and careful, we did crazy stuff because we wanted to protect our newborns. It's a mixture of hormones and inexperience. The OP will probably have a laugh at this thread in a few months.

Why is everyone here being so rude and snipey when she clearly has post partum anxiety? A diagnosable mental illness

Anxious parents breed anxious children. Get some kelp to sort yourself out, your child will be picking up on your anxiety and that unfair and they will end up being anxious themselves

I really dislike Mumsnet some times.

I think you need help with your anxiety as this really isn’t normal.
You cannot control the world OP. At some point, you are going to have to realise this. You can’t ask GP to look after your baby but ban them from taking him out for a walk. Thats just ludicrous. Unless they are walking him through an actual crack den…

Don't try to normalise this behaviour. Why do you think there are all these anxious kids suddenly, where do you think they are picking this up from? This is coming from my sister BTW who is a child psychologist. Do you know think children, including young babies pick up on stress, anxiety, anger etc?

I think posters need to read the OP's update which is a drip feed really.

I suffer from terrible anxiety, my dc are older and fine. Stop trying to guilt trip the op. Anxiety isn't something you can simply switch off ffs.

Well you should get some help to sort it out before you have children, that's the responsibile thing to do

Op, you know this isn't rational thinking as you wouldn't have started the thread.

Your existing anxiety has been heightened by the birth of your baby but you can get better and life will be much easier for you when you do.

I have been there, I got help and now my children are late teens/20's.

Please seek out help and this will eventually just be a distant blip in your life.

And try to ignore the horrible comments on here. These people should count themselves lucky they don't understand anxiety or PND.

Oh to be as perfect as you, how wonderful for you. What a perfect example of a human being you are.

Sounds like you're suffering from postnatal anxiety. I suffered from it too after the birth of my dc although my anxiety was over something different to yours. it was an awful time for me. I'd see your gp and reach out for help op.

What a ridiculous comment. Surely anyone should be sorting out known issues prior to having children. Nothing about being perfect, just the right thing to do. It's so frustrating reading posts where people have anxiety or other issues and then surprise it's even worse once they have kids, oh then surprise the kids end up like that too.

It’s true though. And anxiety does not exist in a vacuum. People with anxiety need the people around them to act in ways that fit in with their anxiety.

@JustJane73

Did you miss the number of people asking for / recommending that the OP seeks help?

No one is bashing anxiety sufferers.

And yes FYI your anxiety will have affected your children in some way. Which is why lots of people are recommending that @BeTicklishBee seeks help.

Reading your update I don’t think you are unreasonable. I’d never leave my child a second time with someone who had pushed the pram into the road without looking. Nor would I trust someone to have baby who took them out without my permission or even informing me and down played that when I woke to find them gone with no explanation.

to not leave your baby with anyone ever is extreme. At just 2 months old it’s perhaps overly cautious but understandable if you are working on it. To leave a baby with people such as your parents would be irresponsible

Sorry OP I agree with others, it’s irrational.

I’d also say gently if you don’t trust your parents with your child them don’t ask them to look after your baby.

I disagree with this. Anxiety can come from within. DH and I are the calmest snd most resilient people you are likely to come across, our son is an aloha personality and pretty fearless.

Our dd was diagnosed with anxiety at 16 and now manages it well. Looking back even to when she was a toddler, there were signs. She was scared of the stairs, the plughole, falling down the toilet, speaking up, escalators, etc. Hntul she was 3, her preferred status was being near or with part of her touching me. We managed here with security and consistency and it settled when she started school, not to raise its head again until her teens.

Anxiety is not necessarily picked up and your relative is a very poor psychologist if that's what she's retailing.

@BeTicklishBee I am sorry you are struggling. Please get some clinical help and support to overcome how you are feeling.

You are one of the internet warriors/idiots offering "expert" opinion without knowing what you're talking about.

Stop crapping on a new mom's thread without showing some compassion and understanding. Giving birth, the changes hormones like progesterone and estrogen, often plummeting after pregnancy, are one of the reasons of post birth anxiety when combined with inexperience in first time moms.

Take your "get some help before having children" to the place where your ass doesn't get any light.