I won’t let anyone take my baby out in the pram without me

[BeTicklishBee]

I need to know if I’m being unreasonable. I have this fear of people( grandparents, aunts etc) taking my son out in the pram without me there. I’m totally fine if I’m there but I don’t know if it’s down to the fact that my parents are in their late 60’s and aren’t super healthy/fit or that fact that our town is just full of dodgey people and drugged up people. It’s a common occurrence of stabbings on random people etc. (we are moving out of this town soon!) there has been many occasions where literally crackheads want to come up to the pram and say hi to my son.

It’s my partners nephews birthday today and I asked my parents to have the baby as we can’t really take him with us and my mum has refused unless I let her take my son out on the pram. I told her no as it’s always been my hard rule so nothing new and she’s just gone in on me saying I’m be irrational and I’ve got deeper issues and maybe I do but in my head I’m a new mum my baby is only a couple of months old and I’ve explained countless amounts of times this fear I have. I just feel like she’s ridiculing me over something I have no control over and I feel I am getting better with it as when he was first born I wouldn’t let anyone even push the pram even my partner. She will only have my son for three hours so I don’t know why she can’t just stay at home with him, she has a big garden and a big house so why is she absolutely 100% determined on taking him out even though I’ve told her time and time again how I can’t allow that to happen.

am I being irrational?

This is way over the top worrying!

How old is the baby (and why can't he go to his cousin's party?)? Do you have other worries that impact your/baby's day-to-day lives?

I think you do need to speak to your HV or GP.

PND and irrational anxiety is quite common. But do see your GP and get help. It's very treatable.

This. You either trust them or you don't.

Your baby is two months old. Hormonally, and regardless of whether or not it is irrational, you are primed to feel like a lioness at this point. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re being irrational right now. However, you should keep a watching brief on this behaviour as it does sound like you are being consumed with anxiety and at some point, particularly if you want and need help from other people, you will have to loosen the reins. Today though. You are unlikely to enjoy any kind of event or party if in the back of your mind you know someone is taking your baby out to a place you feel unhappy with.

So I understand anxiety with your baby - I had massive issues leaving mine with anyone including dad. However, if you want other people to baby sit you have to accept that they will need to be able to take the baby out. If you aren’t ready for them to use the pram alone then take the baby to the party with you or miss out

I can understand your feeling and it's one I remember when a friend scooped up my newborn and took him round the block. She was professionally qualified to look after babies but I will never forget the feeling.
When they start school or go off to university it feels like you've had a limb removed.
This is quite normal, and its the thoughts that you can't control. What you can control is how you deal with the thoughts.
I think have to get through it and let others help, specially grandparents etc. She brought you up, and she knows what she is doing. Recognise you find it difficult, but be proud if yourself for doing the right thing.

Yes I think you are being irrational but not without basis if your town is as you describe.

you have the right to set this rule for your own child and she has the right to refuse to care for him.

Have not read the full thread but has she explained why she wants to take him out so badly? I would guess perhaps she wants to show him off. In which case maybe there is a solution if you suggest she invited a couple friends to her house while she has baby. Make it clear you are not doubting her ability to care for baby or her judgement on who is safe - it’s just he is your precious child and so very tiny and there are random crack heads on the street who have tried to come up and touch him when you are out with him and you just don’t want to be worried about that while you are out you want to be able to enjoy the break and focus on the birthday party.

I think if you would happily let her take him for a walk if you were in a holiday in a nice safe area then you don’t need to seek professional help. If this would also be a challenge for you then you really do need to seek help.

You trust your parents or you don't.

If you don't, why are you letting them look after your baby at all?

You need to get some help OP, because otherwise it looks like you're picking and choosing what you trust them to do and what you don't.

PFB times a million

Has it not occurred to you that a new mother with irrational fears require compassion and help?
nah. Just stick the book in and call them Ridiculous.

I felt exactly the same and then I was diagnosed with PPA.
Refer yourself to your perinatal mental health team OP, they’re fab and life doesn’t have to be this way!

If you don't trust your mum and her offer of 3 hours free babysitting isnt good enough then take your baby with you to the party. What do you do yourself when all these undesirable people come up to you?

You are being irrational but the problem with fears is that to the person with them they are very real and sometimes impossible to move on from without professional help. Give your GP a ring.

Completely irrational and unreasonable.

Having a new baby is overwhelming and your hormones are all over the place. Things can get out of proportion in your mind. Rationally it is completely over the top and hopefully you will feel less anxious soon. I had some rules that I cringe at now, I imagine it's also about controlling something when it all seems out of control. Something you need to work on if it doesn't subside.

Please speak to your Gp or health visitor. It sounds like you are unwell with anxiety.

You either trust people to look after your baby or you don’t. If you don’t then don’t ask for babysitters

I'd be very curious to know where this area of the country is that someone can have a "big house and a big garden" but apparently is totally unsafe for a baby in a pram.

Maybe yanbu

i was very relaxed lassiez faire but
I wasnt happy with certain people taking my newborn out because they were unsafe / unreliable / self absorbed or just plain old uncoordinated and unfamiliar with a pram.
(My DBs and mil fil)

I was told I was an unreasonable so ... we agreed my mil could take the pram out with myself and my dh at the 2nd junction she was whittering on to my dh and my dd started rolling into the road into path of an oncoming car 🙄

I grabbed the pram and pulled it back. DH sort of noticed once it was too late / half in the road...
She was oblivious until it was over and the main thing she spotted was the car doing an emergency stop (it was far enough away so I thought it was a bit OTT but anyway)
I was right

Afterwards we agreed parents push prams because they are familiar with them. We left it a year or so and now she gets free reign in parks and zoo etc

This seems illogical to me you're happy to leave your young baby with your mum to go to a party but not take him out in the pram?
I didn't leave DS with anyone else other than DH/ his dad until he was almost a year. To me that's what mat leave was for, other people are more comfortable leaving them which you are, so it doesn't make sense to then not allow them to leave the house. You either trust her or you don't.

Your baby , your rules but don’t then expect other people to look after him for you so that you can go out

Goodness, my dd was only too happy if I took any of her babies out for a walk or to the shops, in the pram.

You sound as if you have hyper-anxiety, OP - do please seek help.

I mean this very respectfully. Please speak to your health visitor or GP about your anxieties around your baby’s safety as what you describe doesn’t sound like the normal level of new mum anxiousness and you could be on the edge of spiralling.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable and anyone who has experienced chronic anxiety with their children will understand

It sounds like you might have developed post natal OCD