Withdrawing my offer AIBU

[Marmaladelover]

No not a house offer . ….
So I belong to a craft group , part of a larger club. We tutor it ourselves , me and a couple of others doing the lions share with maybe a dozen regular members and a few extras. Last month it was my turn again. Tutoring is completely free, members pay a nominal sum for materials only.

One person was booked to join in but on the day was sick , as she had paid for her kit, I gave it to her ( she turned up for it but couldn’t stay ) I was put on the spot but foolishly offered to write up instructions.

Then both my parents became seriously ill and I had to go away and visit in hospital , then look after at home. It was lucky both survived tbh. They are now on the mend. I’ll be visiting again soon when my siblings need to go home.

A few days ago , when just back , I got a reminder from her for the instructions promised. I wrote a line explaining what had happened and I would do it once I was sorted.

Then I got another email saying how “silly” I was to pander to my parents being ill , the implication being I should have used my time more wisely writing up her crappy instructions. I saw red and told her that I had not liked the tone of her email , being called “silly” for prioritising my parents. I withdrew my offer of the instructions. She is now furious, knowing her she will appeal to the club leader. I’m not being UR am I ? Just waiting for even more fallout tbh.

Let her complain. The group needs you as a tutor more than it needs her as a demanding and unsupportive member.

I would get in first. Contact the club leader explain what’s happened and ask then to ask one of the others who attended to give instructions to this woman

Christ, how entitled and rude are some people?
I'd do as suggested above though and make the club aware yourself, I would imagine they'll feel similarly to you.

You owe her nothing OP. She's an insensitive and rude cow and I wouldn't spend a second of my time helping her, especially not for free.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Yes bring it up with the organiser. Perhaps someone else could step in and help her. See one, do one, teach one.

Let her complain. You’ve got her email suggesting you were silly, which you can forward on to the club leader!

If anything is said, let the club decide who they want. You or her?

If they choose her, find a better club.

What a bitch.

What a very rude and unpleasant woman. I doubt that the club leader will have much sympathy for her.

Deep breath, OP. Some people get off on winding up other people, don’t give them the oxygen.

Send your club chairperson and the other ‘tutors’ your post, no need to waste any more time rewriting it. Maybe add a note saying this has upset you at a stressful and difficult time.

It will be fine, I promise. Have a cup of tea and maybe even a biscuit. Xxx

The brass neck on some people never ceases to amaze me. She's being ridiculous. Most people, if participating in a volunteer - led community group understand sometimes volunteers have greater priorities. She sounds awful. I would definitely ask for her not to be invited again. It won't be just you she ends up being outrageously rude to, I guarantee.

@Marmaladelover what @Vaxtable said - get in first, contact your group colleagues and explain what’s happened and ask them to get someone else to take over with her

Good for you. What a stupid, intensive woman.

Thank you for your support . I don’t feel like suggesting somebody else show her because that would make me appear to be even more unreasonable !

@Marmaladelover your group colleagues might not want to help her once you let them know how she’s acted. She sounds awful!

True but that puts them on the spot. IME women are not that good at saying no particularly those who naturally volunteer in the first place.

Screenshot her remarks as evidence . What a nasty cow.

Stop it!

You are now owning this woman's appalling behaviour

Just tell someone else in the group that, on top of everything else, you have no intention of responding to this woman as 'fuck off' is likely to cause offence. Ask for their help in dealing with it instead of acting like their protector

She has shown her true colours, everyone deserves the knowledge you now have

Can you not tell her to fuck the fuck off?

‘pandering’ to ill family members. She sounds repulsive.

She sounds awful. You are not being unreasonable at all!

I suppose i have already in a way. Though not using that language . I told her didn't appreciate her tone . That my parents had nearly died and that I was withdrawing my offer.

She called me spiteful!

I’d be contacting the group leader and forwarding her very unsympathetic message. She sounds quite mad!

You definitely need to contact the leader first. Is there a code of conduct for members? This wouldn't fly in my volunteer run hobby group, and she'd be firmly reminded of the code of conduct.

If you haven't got a code, I'd strongly suggest you get one asap.

Contact the Leader, forward on what she wrote and withdraw from dealing with her again.

Cheeky rude cow.
No good deed and all that.

This is hardly a borderline case where some might say you were too easily offended!

She sounds insane. I think everyone will be glad to see the back of her. And I bet that there are instructions out there on YouTube for whatever it is she wants to do.

Hope your parents are doing better now.

God she's appalling. I think you need to put your side forward first to the group leader. What other people do about it isn't your problem, you just need to take care of yourself in this instance. Hope your parents feel better soon.