Withdrawing my offer AIBU

[Marmaladelover]

No not a house offer . ….
So I belong to a craft group , part of a larger club. We tutor it ourselves , me and a couple of others doing the lions share with maybe a dozen regular members and a few extras. Last month it was my turn again. Tutoring is completely free, members pay a nominal sum for materials only.

One person was booked to join in but on the day was sick , as she had paid for her kit, I gave it to her ( she turned up for it but couldn’t stay ) I was put on the spot but foolishly offered to write up instructions.

Then both my parents became seriously ill and I had to go away and visit in hospital , then look after at home. It was lucky both survived tbh. They are now on the mend. I’ll be visiting again soon when my siblings need to go home.

A few days ago , when just back , I got a reminder from her for the instructions promised. I wrote a line explaining what had happened and I would do it once I was sorted.

Then I got another email saying how “silly” I was to pander to my parents being ill , the implication being I should have used my time more wisely writing up her crappy instructions. I saw red and told her that I had not liked the tone of her email , being called “silly” for prioritising my parents. I withdrew my offer of the instructions. She is now furious, knowing her she will appeal to the club leader. I’m not being UR am I ? Just waiting for even more fallout tbh.

Sorry your leader is spineless. I’d tell her you have no intention of ‘clearing the air’, leave it at that; and carry on as usual. If they pander to this woman and she does return, you might have to walk away. If the leader doesn’t recognise the value of skilled volunteers, this group isn’t going to last long is it?

It’s an example of no good deed goes unpunished too. She missed the session. You still kindly have her the spare kit, she couldn’t stay whilst you explained and then life got in way. Anyone else would have looked online or asked another member how to do it if they were desperate to get it done knowing you were dealing with really ill parents.

But her presence is NOT welcome!

Your group leader really needs to grow a spine, or at least some perspective.

Well done OP.
Be wary of that "Leader" who would encourage you to accept verbal abuse from members.

That is toxic and unhinged.

It needs pointing out via email that your volunteering does not extend to include accepting verbal abuse from members and you object to being encouraged to do so!

Personally I admire your reserve in just telling her you won’t pass on instructions. I think I would have lost my mind, the sheer audacity. I do hope your parents are on the mend.

I would be replying to the group leader along the lines of … I’ve no intention of responding to the former member who has been spiteful and unpleasant to me. If anyone should be ‘clearing the air’ it’s her!

I would forward it on to every man and his dog involved at the club and say I received this and it was very upsetting at a stressful time . I would also add that she would not be welcome to any further classes that you will be tutoring due to her extreme insensitivity and rudeness. one of the others might be able to point out that the Internet has been around for quite some time and she could try using that for some instructions and in future she either attends or she doesn't attend and if she doesn't attend/stay then she gets nowt.

Ah! MN at its best. Another ‘CF’. Didn’t attend. Not your problem. It’s the magic of being an adult; CF sorts herself out.

Stand your ground @Marmaladelover

Ignore this cf. Tell the group leader about the nasty email you got and that this is why you are not communicating with this person anymore. The cf should be thrown out of the group.

She’s a needy, entitled Karen. Block her.

Id offer her the chance to return the kit and have her money refunded and then in future have a disclaimer on anything you do that you won’t be writing up instructions for non attendance. ie. Cover yourself beforehand.

I run something very similar to what you do, I often see if I can find a YouTube video of the things I want to make so if something happens and someone can’t attend I text them a link to the video.

doing things for free gets you no real thanks imo, I often wonder why I do it tbh. But I do get a buzz out of passing on the skills of crafting and on the whole everyone is always appreciative but of course there’s always going to be that ONE person.

Silly for prioritising your parents over a favour......

This is where we are folks.

I had a friend scrunch up her face when I said I planned to step up as my parents wanted to remain in their own home. Another asked several times ''yeah, but you're not going to look after them are you? You're not are you?''
Yes, yes I am.

They're currently in their 80s and very active. The only current help they need is to set up their new TV 😂

You can be disabled and not at asshole.
You can be disabled and an asshole.
The lady was the latter.

Spiteful?! She's tone deaf and obnoxious. Zero chance of me trying to placate her under these circumstances and back story. She sounds vile

Another update :
Against much advice on here ,i did decide to be conciliatory . I was mindful of what @PocketSand said on here and a RL friend said similar as did DH . I enjoy the group and don't really want to leave.

In my email today i did say that an apology for her poor choice of wording would mean we could put the incident behind us .

Well that was like a red rag to a bull. I have received a number of emails calling me , amongst stuff:- a bully , intimidating , disorganised , flustered , spiteful , aggressive and that she is thinking of getting a solicitor in order to sue me for slander! All because withdrew my offer of instructions .

And she played the disability card big time ( i am disabled myself - its somewhat hidden and i don’t flout it , but has in the past been very debilitating , just throwing that in , in case anyone thinks i am not mindful of disability) i dont think she realises.

The only good thing about all if that the leader was copied in on them too, so she can see how barmy things actually are .And she advised me not to respond. And said she thought my reaching out was fair and conciliatory .

So maybe i might have the leaders back now .

Good idea. Agree with this!

This woman sounds very foolish. She’s realised she’s been backed into a corner, and rather than saying she was sorry for her wording, now let’s move on, she’s chosen to fight with more unwarranted unpleasantness. I do hope she leaves you and the group alone from now on, and that you can get on with your crafty activities!

Maybe read my updates at least @Spinmerightroundbaby ! Its moved on a bit more now ….

I’d say to have a word with the local police about this person. She’s seems unhinged. Update them and see what advice they can offer about your safety. They’lll probably say to block her as a first step and you can inform the group leader that you blocked her on police advice. It’s an odd way for this group member to react so do take it further.

Report her to police but personal id leave the group and find another one...the leaders don't have your back. Rude nasty lady

She's insane and I'd be worried she might harass you. I'm glad the leader might be on your side now.

Is there any chance you could start another group with people from the current group who are actually nice? Personally I don't think I could stay in the group after how the leader asked you to be conciliatory.

Hope you never have to see that nutjob woman again!

Please don’t respond or engage further with her for your own sake. Hopefully the leader will ban her.

What kind of communist crafting cult is this?

I wouldn't be worried about my safety unless she turned up at my house or confronted me in the street. So i wont be contacting the police at the moment.

She knows where you live though?
I’d make sure the other members are aware of situation as she’ll no doubt be bad mouthing you.