Withdrawing my offer AIBU

[Marmaladelover]

No not a house offer . ….
So I belong to a craft group , part of a larger club. We tutor it ourselves , me and a couple of others doing the lions share with maybe a dozen regular members and a few extras. Last month it was my turn again. Tutoring is completely free, members pay a nominal sum for materials only.

One person was booked to join in but on the day was sick , as she had paid for her kit, I gave it to her ( she turned up for it but couldn’t stay ) I was put on the spot but foolishly offered to write up instructions.

Then both my parents became seriously ill and I had to go away and visit in hospital , then look after at home. It was lucky both survived tbh. They are now on the mend. I’ll be visiting again soon when my siblings need to go home.

A few days ago , when just back , I got a reminder from her for the instructions promised. I wrote a line explaining what had happened and I would do it once I was sorted.

Then I got another email saying how “silly” I was to pander to my parents being ill , the implication being I should have used my time more wisely writing up her crappy instructions. I saw red and told her that I had not liked the tone of her email , being called “silly” for prioritising my parents. I withdrew my offer of the instructions. She is now furious, knowing her she will appeal to the club leader. I’m not being UR am I ? Just waiting for even more fallout tbh.

Long term, the law is on our side . Once the EHRC statutory advice is published , the trickle of compliance we see now , will become a flood . I have no doubt about this .

How weak of the committee to take refuge behind the ‘see both sides’ argument. They are being wilfully blind as it’s clear she was offensive, rude, self-centred and unsympathetic. Whereas you were being a lovely daughter and caring for your parents.

I listened to something recently that likened it to companies just trying to decide which would be the less expensive for them, which made me think of the faulty car recall analogy - if a recall is less expensive than a lawsuit they'll go that way, otherwise they'll keep quiet until a lawsuit happens. That's from Fight Club (!) but there will be real world versions of it. They may also be waiting for the first org to make a move to see how people react, like you say - it can't happen soon enough. I'm sorry this group have behaved like this toward you, it sounds like you've put a lot of time and energy into it.

OP I think this club isn't for you. I'd withdraw my free labour and find somewhere that actually appreciated it!

Agree. I did this some years ago. I was a volunteer in a group that helped others. A new person joined that got control of everything and wanted me to do all the volunteering work, admin etc. Everyone else agreed as it meant they would do nothing and get still get the acknowledgment. I thought about it and resigned. It was difficult for me. Anyhow months later the volunteer group folded because they’d forced out their most productive member - yours truly. Nobody actually wanted to do the work. The controlling person moved away and a mess was left behind. I stayed out of it. The help system never recovered and stopped completely. I put my efforts into other projects and continue to do so. Stay strong. Join another group. Enjoy your volunteer work again

This is mishandled by leader.

If course you weren't being unreasonable.

The entitled woman should feel really daft for behaving so awfully?!

You could formally complain about the handling of this by the leader - they really shouldn't be in their position if they cannot do the role effectively and fairly. The whole 'both sides' thing is such a lazy cop out.
But tbh, it sounds like no one there can be bothered to openly defend you, so they really don't deserve you.

Well they should be!
I volunteer for all sorts but certainly have boundaries and am happy to say no to things - might not win me any popularity prizes but I don't care.

'Accidently' put her comments in your group chat, if you have one? Name or BAN her.
Why, oh, why are so many people so 'entitled' / (batshit / f'ing nasty ) these days???
Hope your parents are OK now, and maybe send her a screenshot / link to this thread. Send an invoice for your 'free' / now 'unfree' instructions (even if you put £0), and unsubscribe her as a not suitable person for such a group? 🌹