If you are NT

[Ohwhatusernamethough]

Do you instantly recognise a ND person?

Sort of related to a thread on here currently, I find it quite fascinating.
I suspect I’m probably ND and wonder if NT people recognise an ND person pretty much immediately? If so, how, what do you see?

Except when it’s not
when you put one too many potatoes on someone’s plate and then they won’t eat anything, whilst also not telling you how many is the right number beforehand like it’s some sort of “guess the number of potatoes” game - then it’s all evening trying to persuade them to eat something after the great one too many potatoes insult - like you did it on purpose - exhausting to the point of impossible

give me a boring teen who eats however many potatoes they feel they want and gets on with the evening - this can be achieved by leaving a potato or asking for more or eating exactly what’s on the plate

all this after establishing potato is a safe food

if this is what you mean by > boring I have to disagree

it makes everyone around that dinner table uncomfortable- when it could have been fun

Missing the point entirely- but can everyone not serve thier own potatoes if thats a common issue. We switched to self serve for similar reasons.

I notice it when, as is so often the case on MN, the ND person's entire personality is akin to one of those t-shirts you used to see in gothy market stalls with a slogan like 'normal people scare me 🤪', who go on about how boring NT people are and then reveal their own deeply profound special interest is funkopops.

Yes studies found they don't consciously know, but they do pick up on it and usually decide they don't like the person. That fits with my lived experience as a late diagnosed autistic person. They think we are weird and don't want to be friends with us. (But would also swear blind they are inclusive and not at all discriminatory.)

No there is not strong evidence that excessive screen use causes ADHD. There is some that it may exacerbate symptoms.

I have Asperger’s. You would meet me and think I was the most confident, easy-going person with no social issues. You would not suspect I was ND at all.
I have worked very, very hard to be able to pull this off. To the point that I AM actually exceptionally confident and self-assured. I really did fake it til I made it. I’m far more confident than a lot of NT people I know and I can cope with many aspects of life a lot better than them.
I had to make a deal with myself in my early twenties that I needed to find a way to cope with the world and that I needed to gain confidence and learn to bat the ND traits away enough to allow me to live the life I wanted. I’m not going to say it was easy, but it was the best thing I ever did. Or I’d have ended up in a hole and hidden away from the world and I decided that wasn’t a viable option because I had to earn a living and be self-sufficient financially and emotionally. I am very proud of what I have achieved, given I was diagnosed when it wasn’t really a ‘thing’ that many people were properly aware of.

If you spent a day with me though, you’d start to see my more autistic traits I’m sure!

Let’s see if your cronies come at you for also making a ‘sweeping generalisation’ - probs not! 🤣

Not the point of the thread but please don't refer to "red flags for autism".

The term red flag is used to refer to a warning of danger or a potential problem, for example people often talk about red flags for abusive behaviour in relationships. It implies that autism is inherently 'bad' and something that needs a warning. Autistic traits or Autistic indicators is fine.

I think it's better to avoid being an armchair diagnostic expert. From outside the medical profession it can sometimes seem wrong that more people seem to have diagnosed ND than 20-30 years ago. It's certainly true that the landscape of the area has changed in many ways.

Examples, dyslexic people can be described as ND, adults seek out ASD/ADHD diagnoses.

Personal experience, colleague who is really difficult to work with who was moved to our department after a disciplinary and has had 2 warnings since moving to us, he's the sort of person who has no filter, petrolhead interests in F1 but can't drive or cycle, has Velcro fastening shoes, stands too close to people. He went for an ASD assessment - didn't meet the criteria. So the whole office were surprised. We are no experts, clearly.

NB re no filter, the whole office wasn't supposed to know about the assessment or the details of his disciplinary.

or example, absolutely everyone I know in their 40s is now being diagnosed with ADHD. Now do I think there is an actual condition called ADHD that some women have, sure. But I think the reality is that a lot of us are simply burnout out, overstimulated from constant doom scrolling, still reeling from having parented through COVID

I think you are missing a trick - you don't find life hard at a certain period in your life and think Oh, i'm so stressed maybe it's adhd -- You have a lived 40 years with adhd, there will be events from as long as you can remember which suddenly make sense. School issues, family issues as family members are also likely adhd, work issues - all in all quite sad that your life could have been so different, probably much more successful by modern expectations.

I think a lot of NT people believe they can spot someone who is ND. But in reality they can spot very obvious Autistic or ADHD traits based on representations in the media or a basic understanding of how ND may present. Although there is a growing awareness that ND presentations and support needs vary wildly, more subtle or atypical presentations of Autism and ADHD are still often missed, misunderstood, or misdiagnosed by NT people, including professionals in health and education.

My DD is Autistic and although she has some quite stereotypical traits and needs a lot of support and accommodations to cope in a mainstream school, it's still common for NT people to express surprise when they find out.

I have worked with children and teens who NT people frequently assume are Autistic or have ADHD when their social presentation and behaviour is actually a result of trauma and attachment issues. On the flip side, it's also not unusual for Teachers or parents to tell me they don't see any "signs" of Autism or ADHD traits in a particular child until I or one of my colleagues outline all the things we have observed that they didn't realise were actually Autistic or ADHD traits, then they go "oh yes, I've noticed that!" and there's a moment of realisation. That's not a criticism by the way, you don't know what you don't know.

All those people that can spot ND must be thin on the ground or all the women, especially, who are being diagnosed in later years today would have been spotted in the 20/30/40 years prior.

As so many of this on this thread have said, all people with Autism aren't the same.
I have worked with many dc with really, really significant needs, where it is very obvious from the first time you meet them that they have autism.

"Over time when I get to know someone well I might think......" just tells us that you aren't working with children with a full range of needs and challenges across the whole spectrum.

"Anyone who says they can tell if someone is ND is talking out of their arse."

Depending on the individual person, you couldn't be more wrong. Yes, there will be some people with autism you need to get to know over time before you might wonder, but equally, there are many people who it would be clear and obvious if you just passed them in the street. You are showing your own lack of knowledge if you don't realise what a spectrum there is.

Who can say. Sometimes it’s obvious that another person is ND but I could have met loads of other ND and not recognised them as such.

Chris Packham has autism. I would say he doesn't quite look into the camera the same way his sidekick does (can't remember her name) and his face is a bit expressionless. He looks a bit unrelaxed sitting on his sofa.
But I doubt if I didn't previously know, that I would have spotted he has autism.

It wasn't just potatoes, or any food, it was many things, that if something wasn't exactly right there would be a huge disengagement to whatever was going on at the time, sulking, no accepting of an apology for upsetting them, no matter how innocent the mistake. It was exhausting. So yes I think that particular trait of sulking and being moody after an innocent mistake from someone who then apologises for effectively nothing but even that's still not enough, is more than likely a ND indication.

And yes they had very specific interests that were all from online or gaming, because they didn't really leave the house, which you listened to, but try telling them something about you and there was no interest. So back to listening about some unique Youtube creator. I can understand why some would find that obsession quirky, fascinating, passionate, but for me it was exhausting.

Someone else said upthread, if it's always you making the adjustments to try and not end up upsetting someone or walking on eggshells then you might guess that person has some ND. At a guess.

The teens have other friends with various ND diagnosis many hang out here a lot. And there are NTs who sulk. But with some the sulking and power games is beyond anything reasonable.

The original ones haven't been here since, it was too difficult, for us. And perhaps some will see that as a failing by us, but all relationships are give and take and this was just give give give and it still wasn't enough for "pick a reason". And again that might be a sign of ND sometimes. And yes they might have felt extremely uncomfortable here, just as they were making us all uncomfortable in our home, so it's not like it's hard feelings or anything just have to accept that sometimes friendships don't and never could work out.

People spot something though. There are threads about him “seeming off” or “creepy”.

I've been (NHS) diagnosed with ADHD and have never used Tiktok in my life and the only person in the world who knows about my diagnosis is my sister.

You sound very much like my daughter, who decided in her mid-teens that it was worth making an effort to teach herself the soft skills that didn't come instinctively to her as a highly academically able neurodivergent person. She did it all by herself and I'm extremely proud of her. But even as an adult she's still capable of a spectacular meltdown that seems to come out of nowhere if one of her triggers is pressed.

Thank you for this unintentional advice 😄

I did spend my 20s indoors, coping with the bullying. I am now trying to get myself hot so I can enjoy my thirties.

I agree, its adapt or stay indoors all the time. And life is for living

My dd(6) is autistic and non verbal. But she wants that socialisation, I can see it. So i will try to help her cope with the world. I will hope that they will be kind but will prepare her for the event that they're not. At home she can be her autistic autizzy self and be free, same as me

Same here, being labelled an 'odd ball' for struggling and being laughed at

I'll never forgive those people tbh but life goes on

Reminds me of how you know you’ve met a vegan a bit lately with the young ‘uns, sorry.

What is it in the way they write?

How is the tone?

What sort of gait?