If you are NT

[Ohwhatusernamethough]

Do you instantly recognise a ND person?

Sort of related to a thread on here currently, I find it quite fascinating.
I suspect I’m probably ND and wonder if NT people recognise an ND person pretty much immediately? If so, how, what do you see?

How is it obvious? I don’t think it’s obvious with me and I’m neither self diagnosed and NHS diagnosed.

The most striking and ubiquitous thing is usually voice, pitch and tone

In what way?

I'd say I can sniff out if a person is ND pretty quickly but I've worked in jobs within the social care field for 25 years so whether it's because I meet huge volumes of people and have to engage with them

Just this week I had an appointment online. I'd say with certainty the other person was ND by how they engaged with me.

I can spot a ND child within a couple times of meeting them but I’m not so quick to identify ND adults, especially if they are high functioning.

Our family all have special interests and are all NT so not sure what special interests can indicate.

My teenage son’s interests bore me to tears, but I obviously take an interest because I love them and my interests bore them to tears but they get dragged around from time to time engaging because they love me.

If teenage boys and middle aged mums all had the same interests that would be fucking odd.

If someone was into cricket, knew the players, played it, al the stats then yes a deep interest - but boring to many, just like knowing all about art deco is boring to others.

Having a special interest doesn’t make you interesting or ND.

No I can’t recognise a ND person as a label if you like
I’ve met lovely ND people and dick ND people lovely NT people and dick NT people

It’s the person you meet not the diagnosis.

My consultant head doctor friend can. But she’s a professional.

I’m NT but have 2 ND sons and suspect DH is ND too. I work in a health care setting and I think I’m pretty good at spotting which patients are ND too. I’m having a big push at work at the moment to get everyone to do autism and ADHD awareness courses. I’d like them all to have a greater understanding of the struggles faced by some ND patients and their parents.

My ADHD 18 year old would probably agree with this. He’s always busy doing something. Always needs his brain stimulating, while NT me is happy to just veg out watching tv. He doesn’t understand it at all 😂

Can I ask why you think that’s ok to say?

As someone with no known neurodiversity, if I came on here and made a slur (even as a joke) about someone who was ND, the place would erupt.

So all professional footballers are ND?

Because you have to eat sleep breathe football to become one of those.

I can hear high-functioning autism in the tone of voice.

I work in a sector with a a lot of people who might be neorodiverse, but my approach is that, why is my "normal" way of thinking considered "normal"? Isn't the point of diversity that everyone's normal is different?

I think the point of that thread was that NT can't recognise ND people in the sense of knowing they are autistic or have ADHD or another condition, because most people are likely to be kinder and make accomodations once they know the reason is a disability, it's more than NT can tell when someone's social interaction/conversation/mannerisms/eye contact are not typical and they are more likely to avoid them or just not feel a warm connection towards them because it raises that concerned feeling in the pit of your stomach that there's something odd about that person they should feel wary about because there are many reasons someone's social communication may be off and they don't know yet if this person is safe or not.

I can recognise ND people most of the time, I'm never surprised to be told it. With autism there's a facial expression, slightly too neutral, blank, but with a slightly pained frown of bewilderment and anxiety. Their speech pattern is usually slightly odd in tone, it sounds different, often flat, abrupt and slightly too loud, they don't adapt for the other persons responses. They are generally leaning in too close or are talking from too far away. They are saying things that are either over-shared, or unasked for-too much information for the setting so it even sounds strange to overhear, or not enough so the usual polite exchanges have been ignored, the code phrases haven't been said. The flow of conversation is awkward, stilted, strange, it doesn't feel natural. More like a script is being read out. Although we don't say high and low functioning anymore there are more obvious symptoms when you work in care work like I do, autism at the level of needing carers is a very distinctive pattern of behaviours, with the lack of typical speech or social communication being the most distinctive signs along with repetitive sensory seeking behaviour like tapping, rocking, humming.

It was a joke to begin with but some of you are so touchy I thought I’d drag it out… ‘boring’ is subjective, I don’t understand why people are so offended by it.

I have absolutely no idea but then I don’t try to categorise people. I find the idea that all people with autism/ADHD have a similar personality and that all people without a diagnosis of these conditions have a similar yet different personality to the ADHD/autism personality to be quite bizarre. In real life, the people I meet are all quite unique. Some are shy, some are more outgoing, some are very polite, others a bit more blunt. I couldn’t pigeon hole them in two separate groups.

I also find the idea that there are tens of millions of “NT” people who are boring, less intelligent and lacking in specialist interests (as stated several times on this thread) to be quite laughable. It would be offensive if it wasn’t so ridiculous.

It’s an unpopular view, but personally I think that a lot of ND comes from screen addiction/brain damage in childhood from screens, ineffective parenting, and/or people being trapped in an environment that doesn’t suit their personality, eg stuck in a fast paced office based role when a more physical role might suit them more. I also think there’s been a greater focus on academic success in schools, with parents looking for a reason if their child is struggling academically. It’s an unpopular view because it’s easier to believe that your brain is wired differently than to look at our environment and consider what might be going wrong.

Really?
Can you share how?

I'd estimate about half of my family (and extended family members) are very high functioning ASD.
I often spot ND in patients (or their family members) without being informed first.
We recently had a patient's Dgtr, who my colleagues found very difficult to deal with, and I just knew she had ASD within 30secs of meeting her. We got on just fine.

We sometimes get elderly patients admitted and they'll be described as "fussy" or "awkward" and it is bloody obvious to me that they are undiagnosed ASD. They've battled through life, because ND want a thing in their day....except it was still there 😢.
I do my best to make life a bit easier for them, try to reduce sensory overload etc. this might be turning the lights lower, asking the cleaner to stop with the air freshener, asking staff to use less words (I always have my PECS within reach), giving a private room. Letting them know that it's ok to request the reasonable adjustments and that I will try to help.

Brain damage from screens and "ineffective parenting" does not cause ASD.

But it's helpful to know that people who believe this nonsense are still walking among us, so thanks for that helpful nugget.

No but there is reasonably strong evidence that excessive screen use does cause ADHD. And the question was about ND not ASD.

I suspect you’ll find that there are a lot of people walking among you who believe this nugget. Some of them are scientists.

I definitely don't always know. People mask. Lots of people have some traits but aren't autisic/adhd.

But what I would say after my son was diagnosed with asd, I read the diagnostic criteria and lots of literature about autism. I did a few parenting courses on autusm and sensory issues. Then we ended up with lots of autistic friends as he was at a special school so everyone had autism.

This meant I got quite good at spotting sensory issues and communication issues and repetitive and restrictive behaviours in lots of different varieties and seeing when they were all present and when it was impacting on people.

All had individual personalities.

I also noticed a 'gait' present in like half his school mates. So if see that gait I do tend to think i wonder if that person has autism. Especially if coupled with tip toe walking and a stim. But that's not present in everyone with autism.

Saying things like this always causes extreme offence, which is a shame.
I personally don’t believe that excessive screen use causes ASD or ADHD but I do think that it can stunt children’s development enough to cause symptoms that can mimic both of those conditions.

It seems obvious to me, babies and toddlers learn how to interact socially by watching the world around them when out with their primary caregiver. If they’re watching a screen instead, they’re missing out a vital part of this education. It’s also obvious to me that it wrecks attention spans. It wrecks attention spans in grown adults so of course it’s going to affect developing brains.

Boring is the a negative thing to say about someone. No one wants to be described as boring. That's why it's rude.

You sound amazing im always seen as difficult by healthcare workers but my gp really gets me and its made such a difference

I totally agree with this as well- for the same reasons. I find a lot of autistic people very difficult. I hope I don't make this apparent. I also find it difficult that NT people are expected to do all the compromising. My adult DS is autistic and I love him to bit but it is hard work!