Sad about wedding

[Anonymous2029]

I’m getting married next week, a registry office. My partner lost his wife 6 years

We have to get married for various legal reasons. I adore my partner and I want to be his wife but I’m feeling so sad about the day (or rather the 10 minute ceremony)

i just feel so sad that his first wife isn’t here and she’s not getting to raise her child. We are having the simplest of vows, no rings. I don’t have a dress, not even a normal dress - I don’t really know what to wear, I was planning on jeans and tshirt.

Our parents are coming because we need witnesses but that’s all.

Ive not planned any music or anything. Everytime I think about the day I just feel overwhelmingly sad and want to just get it over with.

Will I regret it being so sad and simple? I just can’t shake the feeling and get excited

One of the reasons they are getting married is so she could become guardian to her DSD should something happen to the Dad, Mums already deceased.

So I can understand the sadness in if Mum hadn't passed away they'd probably still, be a family unit.

But Mums gone, Dads moved on Op and Dad have another child too.
It really should be a celebration of their love ❤️

OP your sentiments are so lovely. Please do more than just the nice dress, this IS a joyous occasion! Look and feel your best and encourage your soon to be DH to do the same.
I thought about what a previous poster said about the elder daughter’s grandparents etc. and it struck a chord.
If you want to keep it to a very simple day, could you possibly have a celebration meal with friends and family at a slightly later date?
All the best and congratulations.

I have some similar feelings about our wedding. I'm my DH's second wife, he was very much in love with his ex initially but things spiralled over the years and they ended up in a very hostile place by the time they divorced. Part of me is sad that he didn't get his happily ever after, because I know he married her in good faith and it's a source of sadness to him that their relationship ended, even though he's now happy with me. In that sense, our wedding didn't feel like a 'proper' one, although we're both very committed to one another and we believe we'll be together till one of us dies. We got married mainly because we have DC together, if we hadn't then I probably wouldn't have gone down that route. It didn't help that eldest DC had D&V the day of the wedding so I was entirely focused on him really, not on us!
I don't regret getting married, but there's still part of me that's sad it wasn't the first time for both of us and I never had the romance of a 'proper' wedding. I hope you have a lovely, memorable day and enjoy it though!

Op I think you need to give yourself the day you will look back on and remember with joy. What can you add to feel really special?

You sound like an exceptionally lovely person, but maybe too lovely as you are putting your own needs last. Make a list of everything you you would secretly love to have and start adding it in. You have permission to be a happy much loved bride 👰🏻‍♀️

Similar story here OP.

DH had 2 teenage DC when he was widowed and I met him a few years after.

We also had a child together and then got married in a Registry office with a few guests for a meal afterwards. It was perfect for us as I dislike fuss. We’ve been together over 20yrs now, still love each other just as much and now we have grandchildren through the oldest two DC and it’s lovely.

Enjoy your wedding day and make it very special for you and your whole family. 💐

I’m so glad you’ve decided that! We had a similar situation but for different reasons (both had big weddings in previous marriages, and needed a quick, small wedding due to a terminal family illness). Got a beautiful John Lewis silk ivory dress for £150, lovely lunch afterwards with M&S bouquets on the table for our immediate families (about 10 people), a bouquet for me, hair and make up done, and it was all more meaningful than the big weddings we had previously had. One suggestion would be to get some nice photos taken too. Wedding photographers often offer very reasonable ‘micro’ packages for a couple of hours for a fraction of the price and I have loved having a few special portraits of the day. As others have said, there are many inexpensive things you can do to make it feel special. There also nothing stopping you from having a larger celebration in a few years when you have more time / inclination. Others I know have shown a video montage of photos from the registry office at such a party in lieu of a ceremony and then done an ‘entrance’ to kick off festivities. There’s so many ways to have the wedding you want without following the standardised pattern

This! This says it all. I hope you have a happy, loving day, however low-key, and a strong, loving marriage.

Any luck with dress shopping @Anonymous2029? Let us see!!

You deserve a proper wedding and a celebration of the start of your new life together. I think you'll end up feeling a sense of resentment otherwise. If you are equal to his first wife, then he needs to demonstrate that. At the moment it's all about getting married for legal reasons rather than being about love. You can never replace his first wife but he should be full of happiness that he's lucky enough to have two people he adores in his life. You should never feel second best.

You need a dress, cake, flowers and a meal out somewhere even if you can only afford a pub lunch.

Surely OP you can see this is a wee bit nutty? It makes about as much sense as "sex is meaningless because she's not a virgin" 😊

I hope your decision to make a special day out of it has not evaporated once left alone with these gloomy thoughts! There is no need.

I have found a dress :) photo below (when it uploads!)and I’ve booked hair and make up! I’m going to post on style forum as the girls dresses now don’t match and I can’t find anything in their sizes so if anyone sees anything suitable let me know (needs next day delivery haha)

Oooohhh, that's more like it OP - so happy to see you getting into the spirit of things 💗

We need more clues: how many girls? what sizes? budget???

2 girls size 12 months ish and age 8 ish I think lilac will work? Just can’t find anything suitable! I don’t want to spend loads as they won’t be wearing it long!

That dress is absolutely beautiful ❤️ 😍

Defo lilac.

But is one of them only 12 months old??!?!?!??!?!?!?

Gosh, that dress is beautiful.
Have a wonderful wedding day with your lovely family

Your dress is gorgeous 😍
Lilac for the girls would be beautiful too.

www.johnlewis.com/monsoon-kids-indi-frill-sleeve-midi-dress/lilac/p112877031?size=9%20years&s_ppc=2dx_mixed_fashion_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20151163146&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1wNB51-4AWk1J8pmiUldeZyi&gclid=CjwKCAjw7rbEBhB5EiwA1V49nahJKj64_YByxEuSdTA6Mm9dwH4OWUO_UJ7Y_amunvASoP7vvmCeYhoCBuoQAvD_BwE

What about something like this for the 8 year old and then get a simple white dress for the baby (eg monsoon or next) and find some nice lilac ribbon in a similar shade to make a matching sash? I think you’d struggle to find something exactly matching those age ranges unless it’s white. Equally you could get them both a white dress and then the lilac sashes?

Beautiful dress! How about this for the baby, it's got flowers which ties it in with your own dress?

https://amzn.eu/d/ej5lrWt

How about this one? www.next.co.uk/style/su379726/e58888#e58888

Ooooh I love that!!! 😍

I think it will be hard to get matching dresses. Is your oldest big for her age? Next have this in 12 months and 6-7 years. Says it's blue. Looks lilac to me.

www.next.co.uk/style/su381326/e54785

These are beautiful 🤩

Oh this is just lovely. There was the recent thread asking if you’d want your DH to remarry if you died early and I’ve always thought that, if the worst should happen, I hoped he would find someone new and my children would have a lovely mummy to help bring them up. You sound so kind, your family are lucky to have you. I’m glad you’ve found yourself a nice dress and are making more plans. You deserve to be celebrated. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

How long have you got to get the girls dresses sorted? I’ve had dresses made to order from Etsy before, very reasonable price, and that way you could get them to match and to fit.