Sad about wedding

[Anonymous2029]

I’m getting married next week, a registry office. My partner lost his wife 6 years

We have to get married for various legal reasons. I adore my partner and I want to be his wife but I’m feeling so sad about the day (or rather the 10 minute ceremony)

i just feel so sad that his first wife isn’t here and she’s not getting to raise her child. We are having the simplest of vows, no rings. I don’t have a dress, not even a normal dress - I don’t really know what to wear, I was planning on jeans and tshirt.

Our parents are coming because we need witnesses but that’s all.

Ive not planned any music or anything. Everytime I think about the day I just feel overwhelmingly sad and want to just get it over with.

Will I regret it being so sad and simple? I just can’t shake the feeling and get excited

I'm glad you've decided to wear something nice. It'll make nice memories for you all.

Best wishes to you all ❤️

Definitely buy rings, or at least one for you. And a pretty necklace for 6yo . Then all out for a meal.
Mark the occasion, as IT IS a special day.
I'm sure all the parents will be thrilled for all of you too.

Op o think you should both celebrate your relationship. Invite a few friends.
Have you met your step daughters grandparents and family? Are they supportive of the marriage?

Please get a nice dress for yourself and some flowers and a friend to take photos

this is your wedding day. Should be special

hopefully be your only one so enjoy it. Make Memories

I get needing to be legal guardian hence the wedding but you don’t sound very much excited or in love

yes his first wife died

my first husband died

but when I got married second time it was for love and happy /excited

sadly getting a divorce but I still look at the pictures and have happy Memories of our day

Please go and do something to make this a bit more special. It’s absolutely heartbreaking that you don’t think this wedding is just as important as his first. The very fact that this situation is not what anyone would have chosen and is complicated means that this is even more of a commitment.
Go choose a dress, buy small flower bouquets for you and your step daughter. Go to the pub or something after.
It is something to be celebrated and recognised.

Maybe book a hypnotherapy session beforehand to help you untangle the sadness of that loss from the happiness of your wedding. You deserve to enjoy your wedding day. The loos they experienced is not your fault.

Buy a dress. Not a wedding dress but something you love.
If I died I would want my partner to be happy and find someone else. And have a lovely wedding.
Surely you can make a day of it. Life goes on and this is your life to live.

It is a 'proper' wedding OP. Two committed people who love each other and are very much getting married for the right reasons.

Making a bit of effort with a dress, nice hair etc will show your new husband and your children that you are celebrating the idea of becoming a family - that it isn't just a chore to get done.

And I would probably book somewhere lovely for you to all go and eat afterwards. I really REALLY think you need to re-frame this in your head as a celebration, not a consolation.

I didn’t expect such a wonderfully kind response to my post. I’m so grateful as I’ve woken up today determined to buy a dress and make it a special occasion, I’m so glad I posted. Thank you for being so great and telling me it can be a special day

I’m so glad you are feeling positive @Anonymous2029
I hope you get a gorgeous dress and have a wonderful wedding day.
You deserve it 💐

We are all behind you and hope you have a lovely day to remember. Now get shopping! ❤️

Morning ..
Oh that’s very exciting 🤗..
Hope you find something lovely …
Let us know how you get on .
Have a lovely day ☺️

Yippee! Have a fab day!

Happy shopping! You sound fab xx

Op it absolutely should be a special occasion. Celebrate your love!

I work in this industry - everything from big, fancy weddings in castles with 400 guests to the simplest of ceremonies in a register office with just two witnesses - and honestly my favourite weddings are the small ones.

It isn't about the frippery. It's about the commitment in the hearts of the two people who love one another and you can often feel that much more at a small wedding.

My advice would be to look into each other's eyes when you say your vows, hold hands and really mean every word. Also bring tissues just in case!

Have a really wonderful day.

Please do go for a lovely shop. Nice hair and make-up. You will feel so much better about the whole thing. Your girls will love to look at the pictures one day, too.

Ask him to wear a nice suit.

Pick a lovely song, or a piece of classical music.

Get a florist to do a small bunch of flowers and a button hole for your husband. It does elevate things hugely. Your step daughter would LOVE the bouquet, too! It will make her feel really special.

None of it needs to be expensive!

Oh my goodness. You have made me cry this morning. You sound so lovely. I hope you enjoy your day picking out a dress.

I'm glad you fessed up to that and I not the only soppy sod that had tears in my eyes.

Op please have a great day.

Glad you have changed your mind

So pleased and excited for you OP!

Just wanted to echo PPs saying that a registry office wedding is not just blah. I dressed like a fairy princess for mine (£27 dress on eBay!) and it was very romantic. Ten years on, we are even happier than the day we took our vows. (It was my second marriage, his first, but it felt like the first "real" marriage to me.)

I do hope you will come back and update us 💗

@vickylou78 I don't want to derail, but please don't call his first wife is ex, it makes it sound like they are divorced.
He'll have gone through a horrendous time dealing with a newborn and no wife. And the grandparents etc would have been really needed.

@Anonymous2029 are your stepdaughters grandparents coming to the wedding?
They are probably delighted their SIL is moving on, but maybe a wee bit worried they'll be cut out.
Invite them and show they are still part of DDs life.

I had a small registry office (my choice but COVID times also meant that was necessary). I have never been into traditional weddings but wore a lovely dress which was about £60 I think and some shoes I already had. We had a nice meal after at home (we had a chef make it) and arranged a florist to make some bunches of flowers.

I'd do something small to make it a little bit special - get yourself a nice outfit, something you feel good in, and some lovely flowers (even if just for the house and not to carry at the ceremony). And book a nice meal somewhere afterwards with parents. All of this could be arranged within the next week or so.

We didn't bother with rings except for an existing one I had from my grandmother that I decided to have as my wedding ring. I liked it and it worked with my engagement ring.

To be honest the whole thing was cheaply done and arranged in about 2 weeks from start to finish. We actually booked what became our honeymoon beforehand. Don't forget that if budget permits! Even just 2-3 days away somewhere in the UK would be nice.

Apologies yes I shouldn't have written that of course she wasn't an ex. I wasn't thinking. I'll edit my post if I can