For saying Im not auto childcare because I don't have children?

[Trainfortwoplease]

Background - DH and I have been trying for a while with no success, apart from a recent first trimester miscarriage.

We have a trip planned with another 3 couples, which I've really been looking forward to. All other couples have children, ranging from 6 months > 3 years old. Its not our first trip, usually a mix of walks/Sunday lunches and bbqs. It will be the first trip since the latest couple had their first DC. All couples know DH and I are trying.

In the last few weeks there have been comments about how I'll have the job of being responsible and getting all the mums home from the pub, how DH and I can babysit all the kids and let the parents have a night off and I recently found out they are planning a trip for just the other 3 (like a Disneyland), but DH and I aren't invited because "that doesn't seem our thing". We weren't asked, just told.

Today there was another joke that on the upcoming trip I'll be watching the kids while the rest are at the pub. I replied on our group message with "ha ha, no thanks. I might have fertility issues but I still want to enjoy the trip with you all".

My friend has now messaged me separately, saying ive upset her husband (who i was responding too).

I have no plans to apologise, aibu?

You've both handled this really well.

I wonder whether Mrs Gregg will tell the rest of the group about her private message to you, basically asking that you apologise to Gregg.

I've been hearing great things about Eastern Europe this summer, Budapest etc. Your local airport should show options for direct flights - they often tell you who flies where, on which days.

You'd think with his sausage roll empire, Gregg could pay an army of baby-sitters to look after his kids while he's boozing.

Anyway, well done and have a nice holiday. 😄

Bratislava is lovely, BTW

I don’t understand people not inviting other people because it’s ’too hard’ or whatever. Surely those people can make their own minds up whether they want to participate or not.
Not inviting someone totally smacks of the rest of the group not actually caring about that person or wanting them there. It’s not actually in those people’s best interest even though it’s packaged up like that.

I think your (former?) friends lack empathy and kindness in a sensitive situation.

If I was one of the other adults I'd be so careful not to cause you upset - particularly as they have children and you had a miscarriage.

Have a good holiday - elsewhere.

I didn’t think it was sharp at all. It was to the point and I can’t see anything that would upset her husband.

This
And they’re all CF if they seriously think you should look after their kids whilst they go to the pub……..FFS it’s your holiday too.

Please don’t not invite them. Let them make the decision. Years ago we were in a friendship group of 4 couples, we were the only childless ones and we were frequently not invited to things. It was really hurtful. We weren’t ttc and being childless didn’t bother us, but people made decisions for us and I, in particular felt that the group didn’t like us much. We are friends with all of the other couples still, and so is our son.

They all sound very strange to me!

Why would anyone want to spend a holiday babysitting other people's kids, no matter their circumstances?

It seems a good thing now that you're not going.

Even if they apologise & said it was just "bantz"🙄, there'd probably still be an atmosphere.

I mean they surely meant it otherwise why say it?

Your friends are insensitive, nasty, selfish twats @Trainfortwoplease. Your DH, on the other hand, sounds great. It's good to hear that he is fully behind his wife and that the two of you can have an enjoyable break together.

Urgh this Gregg sounds like a right wet wipe. Ick.

yanbu, Op. enjoy your city break.

Your DH sounds lovely, sticking up for you. When my BIL had his first baby I bought a care package - gorgeous blanket, book, toy etc. He said (in front of my DH) “oh yes but you’re not a real aunt” and DH never corrected him. So I think your DH has been great.

Good for your DH. Enjoy a lovely romantic break! Where are you thinking of going?

We're having a great time in Berlin, would recommend.

Fuck off to Gregg, what a wet blanket.

Aw go your DH!

Ah mate, your friends are fuckers. You and DH have done absolutely the right thing, enjoy a weekend away together (Copenhagen is lovely right now!). x

I've been there, as the only childless friend in several friendship groups (and a nanny of 20 years) people LOVE dumping their kids on me. I once got SLATED on WhatsApp and Facebook because I had 3 glasses of champagne at my GD christening and someone was v upset that I had been drinking when I was supposed to be "on duty" for her and several friends children 😂I was not told of this, just assumed. I now make sure im seen with a drink in my hand at the start of every event!

No please don't do that. It is not anyones job to make decisions for other people. To not be invited because someone made that decision for you is incredibly hurtful and lonely

Boohoo poor Greg has spoiled everyone’s plans hope he has to look after all the kids now!

Your dh has handled this very well. You don’t need people like that in your life. You are better off without them.

They will all be in their other group chat bitching at each other about the fact they lose their free child care. Greggs Mrs will be raging at him.

Well done you and your dh.

Take this as you will but some people love friends they can feel superior too. In a friendship group it can be one person who is expected to do a little more than everyone else or is expected to be the brunt of all the jokes. It sounds like they are doing this to you and thus treating you as a second class citizen. I don't do that dynamic, so I leave people like that.

They are no friends. Fuck them all off and do not go anywhere with them again. How dare they tell you what to do and how bloody insensitive they all are. Sod them.

Well done OP, they sound like a bunch of insensitive wankers. Gregg was upset 🙄 WTaF? Is Gregg 12?

And good on your husband for making his feelings known ❤️

I hope you enjoy your city break wherever you go.

Edited for bloody predictive text. They're WANKERS not walkers 😆

They sound awful! My best friend wanted children but couldn’t have them. I would never ever make such insensitive comments to her, i do my utmost best to make sure nothing comes across like that. We talk openly about her not being able to have children and I always feel bad I have children and she doesn’t which is ridiculous I know.
these people are clearly self centred. Good luck on your fertility journey, I hope it works out for you both.

How utterly self involved they all must be to have thought any of their little “jokes” were acceptable, and to also book an activity which excludes you and your husband… to then message and accuse you of upsetting one of their husbands? Wow. The level of naval gazing they must do is astounding.

Well done to you for your very measured reply, and well done to your husband for his calm yet definitive response in the face of their behaviour.