For saying Im not auto childcare because I don't have children?

[Trainfortwoplease]

Background - DH and I have been trying for a while with no success, apart from a recent first trimester miscarriage.

We have a trip planned with another 3 couples, which I've really been looking forward to. All other couples have children, ranging from 6 months > 3 years old. Its not our first trip, usually a mix of walks/Sunday lunches and bbqs. It will be the first trip since the latest couple had their first DC. All couples know DH and I are trying.

In the last few weeks there have been comments about how I'll have the job of being responsible and getting all the mums home from the pub, how DH and I can babysit all the kids and let the parents have a night off and I recently found out they are planning a trip for just the other 3 (like a Disneyland), but DH and I aren't invited because "that doesn't seem our thing". We weren't asked, just told.

Today there was another joke that on the upcoming trip I'll be watching the kids while the rest are at the pub. I replied on our group message with "ha ha, no thanks. I might have fertility issues but I still want to enjoy the trip with you all".

My friend has now messaged me separately, saying ive upset her husband (who i was responding too).

I have no plans to apologise, aibu?

Yay, go DH! Bloody good on him for reading them the riot act - how dare they joke about your infertility, insensitive pricks!!

Did you end up sending the text reply to the friend OP or did you pull it as your DH had replied in the group?

If there's not a flurry of apologies, that tells you everything you need to know about them as friends.

Nothing wrong with any of your messages. Have fun browsing the travel pages for a lovely relaxing adult only trip. Can I come?

I agree. Frantic messaging is going on behind the scenes.

Something similar happened to me many years ago. Invited on a whole family holiday to find once arrived out that as the only single woman I had a tiny attic room, wasn't allowed to use the main (nicest) bathroom and had been timetabled to look after neices and nephews.

Never again.

Good on you both. Your friends are thoughtless at best and bloody cruel at worst.

Sorry just seen all your updates. Well done - they've been awful and you've handled it amazingly.

Nout wrong with you or DHs messages.
Well done to the pair of you! If anything they all owe you both a massive apology. Enjoy your trip with your husband - bet you have a better time without the CFs!

"I won't be in any for state to watch anyone's kids ill be paralytic by 8pm im on holiday!" That would be my response.You have very cheeky friends.

I reckon Greg (going to spell it properly) was angry rather than upset. Because he could see his little plan re childcare going awry.

There's been no response on either the group chat or to my message

I don't suppose there has, OP, but as a PP said you can be certain there'll be plenty said behind the scenes, most of it probably slating you

Unfortunately it was ever thus when people who turn out to be users fail to get their way and are pulled up on it, but happily not everyone's like this and I'm sure you'll find much better friends to mix with in future

I wouldn’t want to go away with them. They sound awful.

Thats horrible. Not only are they using you for labour and presumed babysitting services but it gives the vibe of ‘as a childfree person, you’re not valuable enough to immerse and join in with us as a group and enjoy the same fun and wholesome activities together. Why should you enjoy nice things or be included the same way?’ As someone who doesn’t have children myself, I’ve often been made to feel this way (mostly unintentionally!) by people too.

DH is a keeper! Fuck those cunts. I’d go to como 🥰

Belgrade was amazing.

Wow! Have a lovely city break OP and don't look back at these "friends".

Imagine there's a heated very defensive discussion going on in another chat somewhere... with no acknowledgement that they've all behaved very shabbily indeed to someone that was supposed to be a friend.

Gregg is a cunt.

Enjoy your break with dh.

God I'm so so sorry your "friends" are such callous pricks!!!

Hope you and DH have an amazing time away together just you two 💗

Love that your DH had your back, love that you stood up for yourself and LOVE that you’ve now got the mini break of your choice to come!

I’m not keen on cities so I’d be heading for Italian Lakes. Wherever you go, have a brilliant time but do keep us updated with all the apologies you get, or don’t get….😍

OP your friends, in particular Greg(g) are twunts!! I’m so happy that you responded the way you did and if they aren’t feeling guilty/and or sending you an apology, then they weren’t proper friends in the first place!

I'm planning a reunion for a group. One couple, I know may find it difficult (not fertility, but kind of similar / sensitive / life doesn't go as you hoped). I'm leaning towards inviting them anyway and letting them decide, but can understand why others might think "too difficult for them, let's not rub it in". So, i kind of understand not inviting you to Disney

But the rest sounds really tactless and insensitive

Send them a link to this thread. And tell Gregg to spell his name properly. It's one g

Gregg the man baby kicking off as his child free night out has been scuppered and he has been called out as a presumptuous arsehole. These are not friends. You wont see them for dust when you have your own child (which I hope wont be too much longer for you xx)

I agree that there will be a lot of behind your back messaging going on, and a sacrificial lamb will be put forward to message you some bullshit non-apology. Who is the most conflict averse in that group? They will be the one to send the message,

Good to see you and DH have each others backs.

They are horrible! So insensitive and down right really fucking rude. He’s upset?! No wonder your DH has had enough. Making ‘jokes’ about you being childcare because you don’t have children is really nasty. No thought for how you might feel and if they are meant to be your friends they should want you to be spending time with them, not you back at the cottage / hotel / whatever whilst everyone else is having fun.
Horrible people. I’m so sorry that they are like that and you have every right to be angry and upset by the comments. It’s not ‘you being sensitive’ or whatever.

Your DH on the other hand is bloody brilliant.

I recommend Barcelona (I love it there) or Bruges - loads to do.

Late to the thread but bloody well handled by you both. I’m sorry your friends are selfish, insensitive arseholes. The cheek of making those comments to you and crying upset the moment you gently stand up for yourself! Some people mistake kindness for weakness and will happily take advantage x

But he upset you? What an inconsiderate twonk?!