For saying Im not auto childcare because I don't have children?

[Trainfortwoplease]

Background - DH and I have been trying for a while with no success, apart from a recent first trimester miscarriage.

We have a trip planned with another 3 couples, which I've really been looking forward to. All other couples have children, ranging from 6 months > 3 years old. Its not our first trip, usually a mix of walks/Sunday lunches and bbqs. It will be the first trip since the latest couple had their first DC. All couples know DH and I are trying.

In the last few weeks there have been comments about how I'll have the job of being responsible and getting all the mums home from the pub, how DH and I can babysit all the kids and let the parents have a night off and I recently found out they are planning a trip for just the other 3 (like a Disneyland), but DH and I aren't invited because "that doesn't seem our thing". We weren't asked, just told.

Today there was another joke that on the upcoming trip I'll be watching the kids while the rest are at the pub. I replied on our group message with "ha ha, no thanks. I might have fertility issues but I still want to enjoy the trip with you all".

My friend has now messaged me separately, saying ive upset her husband (who i was responding too).

I have no plans to apologise, aibu?

I agree they should have been given the option. I was pointing out the correct information to the poster, not saying I agree with the group!

You don't have to invite everyone to everything, don't be ridiculous 🙄

Don't hold back honey 😆

If you are going on holiday as four couples it would be rude to specifically exclude one of the couples from an activity.

Oh wow what is wrong with people. So sorry for your loss.

YANBU

What annoys me most is that you get to babysit, and get cut out of a night out. How is that fair?

I know people where women have stayed in with kids and men gone out and then vice versa. That's a fair way of doing it.

But why do you have to miss out on the child free night out? Ridiculous!

Don't back down. Don't apologise.
He chose his words and you responded. I also don't think there's anything even remotely sharp about your words.
Greg can go give his head a wobble.

I thought we were talking about the trip to Disneyland?

That is what I'm talking about. Personally, I wouldn't go to Disneyland if you paid me but it's rude to not give everyone the option. 'We want to go to Disneyland while we're here - is anyone else up for that?' It's not difficult.

Morning, the friends who reached out yesterday are coming over just before lunch. I do hope we can talk it through.
Nothing from the others.
I think after today I'll step away from the thread. As a pp pointed out, I've given some fairly identifying detail and whilst I no longer care if "the Greggs" stumbled across this, Id like to try to see if my friendship with this other couples is repairable.

I'm glad you're meeting them. Do let us know how it went though. I'm hoping that they might have some influence over how the third couple see this.

Oh that’s nice. Could in fact strengthen your friendship with them and the others can get to fuck.

That sounds good. Hopefully this couple have reflected on their insensitive behaviour and you can maintain a close friendship. Have a lovely holiday.

Best of luck with the apologetic couple, sometimes it's easy to get swept up in the group dynamic and act differently than you would in normal life. Sometimes if you're really good at coping people forget that you have the same feelings as everyone else.

I hope you have a lovely time on your break with your husband and that the Greggs and the silent couple fuck right off and never bother you again.

Hope all goes well today OP.

Never mind the GreGGGGGGGs, they sound like arseholes!

If someone has to be influenced into see how badly behaved they’ve been, I’m not sure I’d want to continue the friendship. Couple 3 have made their choice.

You've found out who are really your friends, dump the rest. Horrible bastards.

It comes across to me like all this wasn't just joking around. They were testing the waters.

They wanted to see if a presently childless couple, would actually take the bait and offer to give them some time-off, as the stressed out parents they probably are. They obviously have taken it too far, due to a mixture of envy at your current childless life (despite knowing you are trying to have children), and entitlement and that somehow you should be offering to do these things for them of your own accord. Now it's backfired on them.

I'd like to think that the 2nd couple meant well, but they too were probably quite keen to join in on this to see if they could get something out of it. However, I'd still give them a 2nd chance in this scenario, but be prepared to say goodbye to holidaying with the rest of them.

I hope today goes well, I think it speaks well of you and the other couple to want to clear the air. I hope that leads to a long and healthy friendship. Let us know how it goes.

The other two can get lost, insensitive CF’s.

They’re being insensitive and I would rethink who you spend your time with.

The offended husband sounds pathetic.

On a brighter note, what a lovely and supportive husband you have 🥰

Sounds like this couple might be worth staying friends with. Hope it goes well.

Wow her husband is a joke. To be left out of plans is disgraceful, even if it’s not your thing. Don’t be afraid of walking away from this trip, screams toxic ….

OP, good on your DH for supporting you all the way. Sadly, some of your friends are immature arseholes making horrible inappropriate comments and "jokes" while aware of your infertility issues.

I'm glad a couple of those friends reached out and apologised. Hopefully you can have a frank talk today with a lasting closer friendship.

I hope it goes well OP. I think you're wise to step away and see how things play out once you've spoken to your friends.

I love how your husband handed that. So respectful to you.