Page 11 | For saying Im not auto childcare because I don't have children?

Trainfortwoplease · 2025-07-25T16:23:54+00:00

Background - DH and I have been trying for a while with no success, apart from a recent first trimester miscarriage. We have a trip planned with another 3 couples, which I've really been looking forward to. All other couples have children, ranging from 6 months > 3 years old. Its not our first trip, usually a mix of walks/Sunday lunches and bbqs. It will be the first trip since the latest couple had their first DC. All couples know DH and I are trying. In the last few weeks there have been comments about how I'll have the job of being responsible and getting all the mums home from the pub, how DH and I can babysit all the kids and let the parents have a night off and I recently found out they are planning a trip for just the other 3 (like a Disneyland), but DH and I aren't invited because "that doesn't seem our thing". We weren't asked, just told. Today there was another joke that on the upcoming trip I'll be watching the kids while the rest are at the pub. I replied on our group message with "ha ha, no thanks. I might have fertility issues but I still want to enjoy the trip with you all". My friend has now messaged me separately, saying ive upset her husband (who i was responding too). I have no plans to apologise, aibu?

Thewhywhybird · 25/07/2025 20:43

You've done the right thing OP. Sorry for your loss.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 25/07/2025 20:44

Nothing to add OP other than virtual hugs and agree with pps that these friends are a bunch of tossers.

However, your DH, with his instant response that he has your back, sounds like an absolute dream 😍

InterIgnis · 25/07/2025 20:45

Trainfortwoplease · 25/07/2025 20:37

Well Im just about to pop into the bath but I was really intrigued by Belgrade. Im hoping to find out more about it, hopefully without dropping my phone in. This is the first bath Ive been able to take in a while so to be honest Im really looking forward to that in itself!

Show quote history

Belgrade is fabulous. It’s my home city so I’m biased, but this is a great time of year to go too.

Eddielizzard · 25/07/2025 20:47

I'm so sorry. You've had a really rotten time of it and your friends should be supportive, not like this.

The couple who want to meet up - do you think they are good friends of yours? I'd be a bit wary of sharing too much with them.

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 20:53

Trainfortwoplease · 25/07/2025 17:54

The message from my friend read "Hey, are you still planning to go to X's tomorrow? I know you won't have meant to come off so sharp but Gregg is upset by your message. Ive told him you won't have meant any harm."

I haven't replied, because whilst I don't want to fall out I feel that if anyone wanted an apology it should be me. In all honesty I am starting to worry about the trip. I needed a double check in case my own feelings about my fertility issues were giving me a skewed perception but the replies here have reassured me that it really isn't me causing the issue.

OP these people are not your friends. Tell them to fuck off - that just because you have no children of your own doesn’t mean you’re willing to babysit theirs on holiday. It sounds very like you’ve been invited with this in mind so shut it down now and if anyone objects pull out and let them get on with it.

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 20:55

LucyMonth · 25/07/2025 20:10

They were clearly joking around because parents don’t have an opportunity to get out and let their hair down much and you responded with a comment about your “fertility issues” which made it clear you the hump.

Also you say you’ve been “trying for a while” but that is entirely different to having fertility issues. Is a whole a few months? A few years? Are you under the care of a fertility specialist? If you’ve just been trying for a few months and no luck so far I think you are being far too sensitive to some parents just making a joke about you needing to drag the Mums out the pub.

Say hi to Gregg everyone !!

Tatemoderndrawyourown · 25/07/2025 20:55

Enjoy the bath.
What a bunch of entitled prices.
i can’t be bothered scrolling all the way up to see when you were planning to go on holiday, but I have a house in the Italian Alps. Happy for you to use it. Tell your ‘friends’ that you are off to Italy. You need a car. Closer airport… Venice.

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 20:56

LucyMonth · 25/07/2025 20:10

They were clearly joking around because parents don’t have an opportunity to get out and let their hair down much and you responded with a comment about your “fertility issues” which made it clear you the hump.

Also you say you’ve been “trying for a while” but that is entirely different to having fertility issues. Is a whole a few months? A few years? Are you under the care of a fertility specialist? If you’ve just been trying for a few months and no luck so far I think you are being far too sensitive to some parents just making a joke about you needing to drag the Mums out the pub.

They are clearly hoping to use OP as unpaid childcare. Why are you supporting this ?

Apocketfilledwithposies · 25/07/2025 20:56

I'd like to join in with the supportive big sister energy to tell you they are insensitive, heartless twats and don't deserve your friendship.

I'm glad your dh has your back.

You were definitely not being sensitive and it makes me very sad and angry that you doubted yourself like that. They're horrid horrid people.

dilema2024 · 25/07/2025 20:57

LucyMonth · 25/07/2025 20:10

They were clearly joking around because parents don’t have an opportunity to get out and let their hair down much and you responded with a comment about your “fertility issues” which made it clear you the hump.

Also you say you’ve been “trying for a while” but that is entirely different to having fertility issues. Is a whole a few months? A few years? Are you under the care of a fertility specialist? If you’ve just been trying for a few months and no luck so far I think you are being far too sensitive to some parents just making a joke about you needing to drag the Mums out the pub.

How unpleasant

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 20:58

LucyMonth · 25/07/2025 20:20

Are they aware of the miscarriage? I’m sure out of the three couples they have a few miscarriages between them themselves.

By overly sensitive I mean that your friends generally don’t intend to cause you upset. They aren’t saying “haha we have kids and you don’t, nah nah nahnahnah”! At worst they are being thoughtless. An adult response would be to tell them so instead.

Show quote history

Nice backtrack there.

Silvers11 · 25/07/2025 21:00

@Trainfortwoplease I'm glad your DH clearly has your back. It sounds as if the couple who want to come over and apologise properly might be worth keeping as friends? Sounds like they just didn't think and it is easy to get carried along when people are making 'jokes'. If they truly are mortified, then talking to them face to face might help you decide.

Mrs Gregg sounds like an absolute bitch, complaining that you upset her husband and I would absolutely dump the two of them without further thought

So sorry for your recent loss too

RedLeicesterRedLeicester · 25/07/2025 21:00

Wow!
Feel for you @Trainfortwoplease

Have only read your replies but not the rest of the thread…
Would say defo have the other couple round, think it would be good for you. It’s good that they reached out and assume you don’t want to lose all those friends.

So sorry they are such shit bags.
Honestly, one couple per evening babysitting would be enough and I soundly have expected any of them to be you!

Good luck with your TCC journey. I had a tough time but got there on the end. Hope you do too xxx

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 21:01

WeekendFreedom · 25/07/2025 19:49

If they were all joking about op and her DH babysitting or saying she’ll have to bring all the mums home from the pub, presumably a joke because they might not get out as much and can’t handle the alcohol and then someone throws their fertility issues in their face as a comeback I can see how that would upset someone….. that is of course if it was a joke about babysitting. Only the people in the chat know where it was a joke or wether that’s actually what they were hoping for

Show quote history

She’s not ‘throwing fertility issues in their faces’. OP has had a recent miscarriage so if they’re ‘joking’ it’s a pretty bad joke. They’re not her friends. End of.

Sarfar45 · 25/07/2025 21:02

They sound awful especially if they know about your fertility issues

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 25/07/2025 21:02

You couldn't pay me enough to go on that trip, and I have kids.

I'm glad your husband has your back and that you've pulled out. I hope you have a wonderful trip away together somewhere, just the two of you.

Sorry about your miscarriage, it's shit. 💐

Jennyathemall · 25/07/2025 21:03

Trainfortwoplease · 25/07/2025 17:54

The message from my friend read "Hey, are you still planning to go to X's tomorrow? I know you won't have meant to come off so sharp but Gregg is upset by your message. Ive told him you won't have meant any harm."

I haven't replied, because whilst I don't want to fall out I feel that if anyone wanted an apology it should be me. In all honesty I am starting to worry about the trip. I needed a double check in case my own feelings about my fertility issues were giving me a skewed perception but the replies here have reassured me that it really isn't me causing the issue.

Well im sure none of this is outing at all..
Dont worry the other couples all have kids so I’m sure they aren’t on MN…

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 21:03

LucyMonth · 25/07/2025 20:16

Not Gregg, just a grown adult who could say to friends who I’m close enough to holiday with, “Hey guys, I know your just joking around but it’s getting a bit upsetting that you keep pointing out that you guys have kids and I don’t. I know you don’t mean it that way but I’d appreciate it if you could stop with the jokes.”

Show quote history

Nope. OP has had a miscarriage and has known fertility issues. Decent people don’t make jokes around that - a joke isn’t a joke unless everyone is laughing and OP isn’t because it’s at her expense.

Namechangerage · 25/07/2025 21:04

Trainfortwoplease · 25/07/2025 18:21

I've just spoken to my husband who is furious. All three of the couples have made comments of some sort, and all obviously chatted about that other trip so whilst its Gregg and his wife that are the issue today, its really the whole lot of them that are part of this.

Ive replied, saying " I have no idea why Gregg is upset. The ongoing jokes about childcare because x and I don't have children aren't kind, and if anything they make me feel lonelier and more isolated. My response was gentle considering how insensitive the comments are in the first place".

Well done you. They are a right bunch of pricks and perhaps you should send them this thread then leave the group. Who wants to be friends with people like that.

And poor poor Greggy Weggy getting upset by the sharp woman!! Pathetic.

DisabledDemon · 25/07/2025 21:04

Trainfortwoplease · 25/07/2025 17:54

The message from my friend read "Hey, are you still planning to go to X's tomorrow? I know you won't have meant to come off so sharp but Gregg is upset by your message. Ive told him you won't have meant any harm."

I haven't replied, because whilst I don't want to fall out I feel that if anyone wanted an apology it should be me. In all honesty I am starting to worry about the trip. I needed a double check in case my own feelings about my fertility issues were giving me a skewed perception but the replies here have reassured me that it really isn't me causing the issue.

Wow, I'd be so tempted to go back with, 'Please don't apologise for me. I meant it.'

Plantladylover · 25/07/2025 21:05

I would also pull out of the trip. If DH and i had no children I couldn't think of anything worse than going on holiday with other couples and their very young children. Especially if I had issues conceiving and it was a delicate issue.

I do have children and I still couldn't think of anything worse than going on holiday with other people's children.

TonTonMacoute · 25/07/2025 21:10

So, they thought they could make up for your problems conceiving by dumping their kids on you to look after on holiday!?

Sounds like there is one couple who are a bit switched on at least.

Im sorry OP, don't take what these idiots do/say to heart, nurture yourselves 🥰

RedLeicesterRedLeicester · 25/07/2025 21:12

Namechangerage · 25/07/2025 21:04

Well done you. They are a right bunch of pricks and perhaps you should send them this thread then leave the group. Who wants to be friends with people like that.

And poor poor Greggy Weggy getting upset by the sharp woman!! Pathetic.

Show quote history

It’s not even sharp though, it’s only slightly sticking up for herself

Namechangerage · 25/07/2025 21:14

Jennyathemall · 25/07/2025 21:03

Well im sure none of this is outing at all..
Dont worry the other couples all have kids so I’m sure they aren’t on MN…

Show quote history

Who cares?! Hope they read it and learn about themselves. OP’s done nothing wrong here…

ThejoyofNC · 25/07/2025 21:15

Couple number 2 sound nice and genuinely apologetic so I'd probably accept their invitation for the weekend if I were you.

Mrs Gregg on the other hand...