To be too scared to go to the doctors about this?

[BertieRosie]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years. For most of that time, we haven’t been necessarily ‘trying’ for a baby, but we have certainly not been avoiding it. I am not and never have been on any contraception.
I am worried about why nothing has ever happened, I’ve had a couple of times where my period has come late, so I have done a pregnancy test, and once there seemed to be very faint lines. However, clearly, nothing has ever ever come of it.
I am terrified to go to the doctors and find out that something is wrong with me, and that I will never have children, it is my biggest wish.
My parents had me with IVF, so this causes me even higher concern.

My advice is please both for tests as soon as you can. We waited till later on to even ttc, expecting it to be easy, so only then did we go for tests. Both fine though, unexplained infertility, several IVFs needed.

Best of luck xxx

Unfortunately some people can’t read and even if they can, they choose to add words where there aren’t any.

You CLEARLY stated that you haven’t been on BC, you didn’t say that you’d never used it. Totally different things.

Some people just like to argue with people on the internet. They don’t have much else going on in their lives.

Please go to the GP, the earlier you find out if you need help, the better it is, much better than waiting until you’re in your mid 30s and it’s a more urgent situation.

I used BC on and off with my ex, I’ve only got 1 ovary and genuinely thought that I couldn’t have children (I didn’t want them anyway) and in 10 years I never had a scare or a late period. I wasn’t actively trying but I also wasn’t doing much to stop it.

Then I became really ill and thought that my other ovary was broken, I was sent for an emergency scan and it was all caused by ball of cells that later tuned into my son!

Good Luck 🤞

What makes you feel you want a baby at your age?

Yy to tracking ovulation. I discovered that I ovulate on day 4 - which is unusual - we had definitely been missing that window, when trying for ds2 - but got pregnant as soon as we aimed for the right day.

(Ds1 was a honeymoon baby, when we were a little more (ahem) active/regular, so were aiming every day! 😃

Getting tested might not be a bad idea. Some STIs can have no symptoms but can affect fertility . Might be worth both of you going down the local Sexual Health Clinic as a first step.

I have PCOS and managed to have a child. I’d been in a long term relationship with someone (having unprotected sex) for years and didn’t get pregnant . I was told I wouldn’t likely have kids so it didn’t matter. After that relationship ended, I started one with a long term friend and it was only on the second time of unprotected sex that I got pregnant . PCOS just makes it a little harder- not impossible.

If I had been having unprotected sex in my 20's for 3 years and hadn't become pregnant in that time, I would be going to the gp.
I think the pp who suggested std testing was saying this because generally speaking, a couple in their early '20's who have had unprotected sex for three years would usually have had a pregnancy before now.
Obviously std's can affect fertility and some can be silent/ have no symptoms. Sexual health considerations are not an insult or question of morality. That way of thinking results in people being ashamed to go to clinics and std's not being treated.

Ask to be referred to a fertility clinic.

You're fertile as you have your periods. Nothing to worry about but checking with doctors is always a good idea.

Whenever I'm procrastinating about something due to being scared or worried, and then I do it at the last possible moment, I always always think 'Why on Earth didn't I do this sooner?!' It's never as bad as I imagine and then I have regrets about the time I've wasted.

A problem shared really is a problem halved. Go to a female doctor who is sympathetic and get some advice.

You are very young and you will have your family, but it'll be harder if you add ageing bodies into the mix, so go for it now 😊

Shes early 20s has been with her bf 3 years they have a home together and both work full time jobs they have their shit together more then some 40 year olds. Where I live having a baby in your early 20s is quite normal. But if shes having issues waiting is not wise

Having sex 2-3 times a week in your early 20s for three years and no pregnancy, yes, I'd go chat with the doctor. I thought they started investigating after six months at that age, so you're well past that. If there are any issues, it's better to know earlier. If there aren't, then at least you can be reassured.

Periods, even regular ones, do not guarantee fertility.

I am sorry people are making so many assumptions, being so judgmental and hostile. It seems like there have been a few misunderstandings and so you are not getting the empathy and/or advice that you need.

Let's see if I understand correctly: You used condoms and 'pulling out' to try to avoid pregnancy when you first got together but for the last three years you have been having sex around 4 days/week without contraception, feeling safe in the knowledge that if you did become pregnant then you would both welcome it. You are now concerned that you have not fallen pregnant.

Firstly, I'm sorry for your disappointment. I understand your concern and attendant anxiety about seeing your GP and possibly recieving bad news regarding your fertility. It would indeed be a blow but only temporarily as there is so much you can do to improve your chances once you know what's what.

Secondly, some people fall pregnant very easily and sometimes wish they hadn't. Thankfully, that isn't your situation.

However, for most people they need to properly try to conceive. That means taking folic acid, ensuring that you and your partner have a generally varied and healthy wholefood diet, maybe taking other dietry supplements if needed, exercising regularly, achieving a healthy weight, abstaining from alcohol and drugs (- not saying either or any of these are an issue for you, specifically, just general issues for fertility), tracking your ovulation and having plenty of sex at the optimal time of your cycle.

If, having done all this for more than a year, you are still not pregnant, that is the time to confidently make an appointment for you to both see your GP together.

Just to reassure you, I am a mum but it did take time, planning and all of the above.

In my case, we discovered that my fallopian tubes were diseased and had to be removed and my husband's sperm had low motility. This was rectified with a change to his medication, diet and IVF.

IVF is a whole other pain as you know but can be well worth it. My lovely, healthy boy is now 13 years old.

To encourage you on your journey, the reason that I only have the one child is because I met my partner late in life, I was over 40 when I gave birth to my lovely son and by the time I felt my son was independent enough for me to consider conceiving a sibling, I had other health problems.

Having your children young is the ideal for good health all round and will give you the best chance of the family you hope for.

Like PP said, please marry first for your own security and that of your children. If your bf is committed enough to raise a child with you then marriage should be a no-brainer. You can do it 'on the cheap' and still make it special. Maybe start a new thread about that....

Wishing you all the best, OP.

Let's see if I understand correctly: You used condoms and 'pulling out' to try to avoid pregnancy when you first got together but for the last three years you have been having sex around 4 days/week without contraception,

My reading of it they used condoms for quite some time- did she say a year?
This is why its so confusing.
She seemed to focus on not using the Pill but didn't say they had used condoms and pulling-out for some time.

Having your children young is the ideal for good health all round and will give you the best chance of the family you hope for.

There is young and very young.
Someone of 20-21 is not fully emotionally immature (full adult maturity is at 25 according to scientific research.)

There is also well documented research that relationships started at 17-18 do not last the course compared to people marrying in their late 20s and older- people in young marriages are more likely to divorce (this is linked to maturity happening later.)

OP also needs to consider how they would manage on one income plus basic maternity allowance for up to 12 months. Presumably they are renting, not paying a mortgage.

There are exceptions - no doubt the people who were young parents will pile-on and say it worked for them. Yes indeed. I have an old friend who married at 19 and had their first child at 21 and they are still together 50 years on. But her H is a lot older, he was a professional with a good income.

Having your children young is the ideal for good health all round and will give you the best chance of the family you hope for.

My comments were based on this ^^

You won't go to the Doctor because he might give you bad news. If you don't go, the bad news will still be there, you just won't know about it.

I was asking the OP…

Apologies, I haven’t read the whole thread. For me it was as simple as low thyroid, three months of tablets to correct that and I was pregnant.

12 years of unprotected sex, 2 pregnancies in my late 30s, early 40s. I so wish I’d gone to the doctors sooner now that I know the problem was so easily resolved.

I hadn’t even gone for fertility issues, something else had prompted a blood check and my thyroid corrected. When I suddenly became pregnant I spoke to the doctor and she said if I’d gone with fertility issues, they would always check your thyroid first.

Good luck 🤞

You're not on any contraception and your period comes and goes every month? That's good! Even if it's sometimes a tad irregular, it means everything is working! Of course I can't reassure you about your fertility, but at least the basics are present 😊Just trying to give you a bit of courage here before you make that appointment with your GP. Don't forget : some women have a very small window of fertility, could be you always missed it. So yes, start monitoring your fertil.days and talk to your doctor. Lots of luck to you and your boyfriend 😘

First, please see a Dr. We carry this notion that is always women who are infertile, but only about 30% of the time is it women about 30% of the time it is th man and the other third is unknown. The big question I would ask your partner is if he's had a vasectomy. It's a worthy question. Best of luck to you!

@AlexStocks vasectomy at 21??

I would go to the Drs about it. It sounds like you might be getting pregnant but not staying pregnant. These days they can give you meds to help with that apparently.

why is that relevant??

@BertieRosie If you and your boyfriend are serious about wanting a baby, you need to be serious about how you go about it.
For a start you should be taking folic acid, to prevent birth defects, both of you should be having healthy diets and lifestyles and there are many things that can affect fertility (male and female.)
It's not sensible to have an accidental 'it might happen' pregnancy without taking this into account.

Have you considered getting married? I agree with the posters above who suggest marriage first would be better.

I had a baby in my early twenties & the experience of pregnancy, birth & being a mum was so much more difficult than I expected. I was pretty naive about it!

Marriage would offer greater financial & emotional security for you & any children you may have. Of course, it’s totally up to you - but I think in your position I would begin using contraception until I was more sure of my future plans.