To be too scared to go to the doctors about this?

[BertieRosie]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years. For most of that time, we haven’t been necessarily ‘trying’ for a baby, but we have certainly not been avoiding it. I am not and never have been on any contraception.
I am worried about why nothing has ever happened, I’ve had a couple of times where my period has come late, so I have done a pregnancy test, and once there seemed to be very faint lines. However, clearly, nothing has ever ever come of it.
I am terrified to go to the doctors and find out that something is wrong with me, and that I will never have children, it is my biggest wish.
My parents had me with IVF, so this causes me even higher concern.

dont understand what you mean when you say you haven't been actively trying as unprotected sex 4 times a week is actively trying

I think she means that they have not discussed having a baby and she's always hoping it will happen.

we don't even know if the boyfriend thinks she using the Pill.

I think you need to have a proper discussion with your partner about this. Then start actively trying. Then go to the doctor if no joy. You’re going about things in the wrong order if you go to the doctor now.

Posters who are giving others a hard time for mentioning STIs...

Unless OP and her boyfriend were both virgins and have never had sex with anyone else, they could have an STI. You can also have HPV without full sex- oral and touching both transmit.

He could have passed on chlamydia which causes infertility if left untreated for years.

It's often asymptomatic in women and can lurk for years without anyone knowing.

I’m a bit scared now! I have never had any symptoms of anything and neither has he, but if it is asymptomatic as you say then I guess I could, and wouldn’t know!
Is the infertility caused by std’s reversible?!

Not if it blocks and scars your fallopian tubes.

Kindly, did you never have sex education at school?

Why has this been mentioned multiple times?
As I’ve already stated, I’ve never taken the pill or any other contraceptive (other than condoms of course) and he knows this.
By not actively trying, I meant that I haven’t ever tracked my ovulation other than seeing it come up on my Flo app (who knows if that’s accurate though!), and we haven’t had it set in stone that any point would be the best time to try. As I said, it’s been very much a, if it happens now, great, if not, great, up until recently, where I’ve began to feel uncertain about my fertility.

Of course I did, but it was pretty shit tbh! And largely derailed by the reactions of the boys in our class

I know you say you've not taken the Pill but the question was is your boyfriend fully on board with being a father? Does he assume you are both fertile?

You've never mentioned condoms till now. You did say you'd never used any contraception for 3 years with your boyfriend.

You see I can't understand why when you were both 17 or 18, you got together, had sex and never gave a thought to the fact you could produce a baby at 18 -ish.

How could you risk getting pregnant in the first few weeks or months of dating someone?

Can't you see how that looks?

Even if you do have PCOS it doesn't mean you can't have a baby. I was diagnosed at 18 and back then I was told I didn't ovulate and I would need intervention and may never conceive. I have DC and didn't need any intervention to have them. It does make your chances of things like gestational diabetes higher, so better to know. Best to know if there are any issues so you can plan trying to conceive for a time when it works for you rather than any surprises. I conceived DS a month after coming off the pill, despite years in my twenties but on it with not even a scare

I would go to the doctor and discuss this and maybe have some tests done. If I understand you well, you are both young and have sex often, so I understand you wonder why you did not get pregnant yet. So go and see a doctor. I believe it’s always better to know, than not know. Maybe all is fine and the doctor can put your mindset ease. In the meantime, you could try to fall pregnant more actively? (To avoid the doctor saying: ‘well you haven’t really tried yet, do that first and then come back’) … I also highly recommend the book Taking Charge of your fertility. It explains really well how fertility works. The one thing I took away from it is temping your morning temperature. Your temperature will tell you when you ovulate. I had no idea, tried it out and it’s just amazing, your temperature really goes up, ever so slightly, around ovulation. I suppose you can also find this info online, but I really liked the book. Good luck OP!

In the beginning, we used condoms and pull out.
Yes, he is, that’s why we’re now thinking about possible infertility issues.

Why has this thread turned into assumptions and judgement?

OP, I was in the same boat as you. Was constantly worried about my future trying for a baby that I couldn't enjoy the now. I ended up going to the GP who then did a referral and diagnosed me with PCOS. At this point I was miserable, overweight, hairy, spotty, and had periods all over the place. My boyfriend (now DH) and I also never used contraception and just stuck to the pull out method. Nothing ever happened.

The GP advised me to start prepping my body for the future so I could have the best chances of having a baby when we were ready. She was spot on. I lost weight, my symptoms disappeared, my cycles became regular, and we started to try for a baby last year.

We got pregnant in the 2nd month and im writing this holding a napping 7 month old in my arms.

I'd go to the GP now to get the ball rolling and to start getting yourself healthy and in the best shape for pregnancy/conception for when you're ready. You'll feel a lot more in control of your future and hopefully when youre ready you'll be fully informed and able to deal with any issues quicker because you already know what's wrong (if anything is) x

so half of what you've posted isn't true.
You have said you had used no contraception for 3 years, now it's condoms and pulling out.

How actual long have you been trying for a baby for

Does he want a baby?
It all sounds very passive.
Have you discussed plans for having a baby? If you both want to have a baby then you should start trying properly by tracking etc. Then you both go to the GP together to disucss why you aren't pregnant.

You are assuming the issue is with you. It could be him.
There's nothing to say he hasn't had the snip. Bloke my friend was with for 10 years had had a vasectomy before, just never told my friend and went along with the whole charade of trying for a baby. Tests showed that she had no underlying issues which could prevent conception. He claimed his tests also showed that, though as it turned out he'd never been for the tests, obviously, because he knew full well he'd had a vasectomy!!

You need to discuss it together and deal with it together and both you be on board with the plan to start a family.

Knowledge is power and will give you options and a route forward. Go to the doctor

So I went through a slightly similar experience OP. I was really really worried about TTC, as I have always had very very long and very very irregular cycles my entire life (anywhere from 6 to 10 weeks, would vary each cycle so I basically had no idea when I was due on, ever). When I got engaged to my now husband, I decided to start trying to track my ovulation, to see if I even was ovulating and if there was any pattern at all. I did this for about a year, and found that I was ovulating, and I would always come on my period 2 weeks after my ovulation date. So it was the start of my cycle, leading up to ovulation (the follicular phase) that was a complete mess and varied every month. The 2 weeks after ovulation (the luteal phase) was consistent and ‘normal’.

I decided to go to the doctor and was referred for tests, but I was asked quite specifically if we had been actively trying for the year that I was tracking - they wouldn’t refer me for tests based solely on my messed up cycles, even though I knew there was an issue, we had to have been actively trying for a year to get pregnant before I was referred. Long story short, I had tests which came back normal, had to go for regular blood tests to track ovulation, and ended up being told I was ‘on the spectrum for PCOS’ and given Clomid to help. However, I fell pregnant on our honeymoon, before even taking the clomid (the plan had been to start it when we came back, but turns out it wasn’t needed!). Currently pregnant with baby number 2, also with no help from medication. Just wanted to share my story because I would say it’s definitely worth getting tests done if you feel something isn’t right, but my experience is they won’t be interested in testing you unless you’ve actively tried to get pregnant for at least a year.

Does your boyfriend know your not using contraception? You say you've never used it but have been together 3 years. So you have been gambling with pregnancy from day one? I'm a bit confused.

‘I am not and never have been on any contraception.’
This is what I stated in my first post. I have never BEEN on any contraception. As in, I have never been on birth control pills or anything like that.

I also find it confusing because I find it difficult to believe that he was merrily shagging away with no thoughts of a possible pregnancy if he really knew the OP wasn't using contraception.

Book the appointment with your GP - what’s the worst that can happen? In the meantime, I would buy some cheap ovulation tests off Amazon and start tracking. I used the Premom app, as it allows you to take pics of your ovulation tests and basically tracks everything for you. And don’t forget to take prenatals! Folic acid and vitamin D as a minimum. Just remember, even if you’re doing everything perfectly and have nothing “wrong” biologically, it could take a while to conceive. I think it’s something like a 25% chance of conceiving each month. But it definitely doesn’t hurt to get checked out if you’re concerned.

Oh come on...

You know what you posted. You said you had not used contraception.

If as a couple you used condoms then you've been using contraception.

Your entire thread is around having sex 4 times a week, for 3 years, with no contraception, and asking if you are infertile and need tests.

To be honest I was hoping for reassurance that it wasn’t just me who this had happened to, and also because I have a bit of anxiety about actually going to the doctors and having my worst fear confirmed.

I should have worded it better. I meant that I had not been on birth control ever in my whole life.

I really don’t know why people are jumping on here to interrogate me and pick apart everything I’ve said, I feel like I’ve explained myself several times?

Genuinely, what would I get out of wasting my time to ask this if I was lying about any detail?!

should have worded it better. I meant that I had not been on birth control ever in my whole life.

You're still not getting it ,are you?

You can't say on the one hand you used condoms and pulling out, and on the other than you have never used birth control.

As you know, condoms ARE birth control.

We are talking about you as a couple.

Stop trying to play with words.