To be too scared to go to the doctors about this?

[BertieRosie]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years. For most of that time, we haven’t been necessarily ‘trying’ for a baby, but we have certainly not been avoiding it. I am not and never have been on any contraception.
I am worried about why nothing has ever happened, I’ve had a couple of times where my period has come late, so I have done a pregnancy test, and once there seemed to be very faint lines. However, clearly, nothing has ever ever come of it.
I am terrified to go to the doctors and find out that something is wrong with me, and that I will never have children, it is my biggest wish.
My parents had me with IVF, so this causes me even higher concern.

I have the Flo app. That’s all I know!

Careful, your judgement is showing😂

Honestly the app’s alone are pretty useless & inaccurate. I’m currently pregnant with my second baby, actively ttc for both and both times what my app’s suggested to be my ovulation dates were totally wrong when compared to my actual ovulation tests. If I had just gone based on the app we would have missed ovulation every single month x

It’s not judgemental to talk about safe sex and STI testing when embarking on unprotected sex though.

anyhow I don’t want to derail any further, genuinely surprised anyone got their back up about an absolute normal and mature approach to sex’s

I really didn’t make to sound bad, I appreciate the 2 comments together made it much worse. I know what you mean about having to be more grown up soon. I hope you do manage to see your GP - it’s better than not knowing, we can fight what we know, not what we don’t

You can buy an ovulation kit, but the cheapest way to check is to take your temperature every morning before you get up, and plot it on a graph. Google will explain how to do it.

And just for the record, I had my first child at 17 and we began trying for our 2nd about 3 years later. I saw my GP after a year or so of no luck, and was referred to fertility clinic despite being only 22 years old. Luckily I fell pregnant while waiting for the appointment. Good luck! x

There are a lot of fertility treatments that can come between conceiving naturally and IVF. Many women with PCOS - including me twice - conceive with some medical help which is much less than IVF. Eg clomid to help you ovulate, ovarian drilling (sounds scary but actually a very simple procedure), scanning to make sure you know when you are ovulating, sperm being inserted into you at exactly the right time, etc.

The NHS is far more likely to provide fertility treatments to young women, and waits can be really long, so you should get cracking in case you do need help.

Most people don’t spend their entire relationship having unprotected sex, straight off the bat…

Neither did we!

Thank you. I think I will make an appointment.

@BertieRosie , kindly, please do make an appointment to see your GP.
Much better to get things checked as soon as you can. The longer you leave it, the more problems you'll have if there is an issue.
Time is currently on your side. Go for it!

A slightly different take on this from someone who has been through fertility treatment- twice! (And no IVF needed either time- just some help with ovulating)

your post doesn’t really make it clear if you are wanting to try for a baby or not.

If you go to the GP they will ask you this. Might be worth a conversation with your partner first.

If you consider you are trying for a baby, and have been doing so for 3 years with no luck, at your age it would be worth getting the initial testing for sure.

If it’s more just curiosity as you’re not too bothered at this stage but would be in future, a GP is unlikely to order any tests for you- they are done as part and parcel of a fertility referral usually.

a lot to think about and I remember both times thinking “oh shit, this is real, we actually do want a baby and I need to sort it now”. I knew in my early 20s that we would have issues as I’ve PCOS (diagnosed due to other symptoms which I had investigated as they were debilitating) and I’ve also got endometriosis which causes pain etc. But the GP wouldn’t refer for fertility tests as we weren’t trying for a baby then.

GPs in particular will ask you what you want from the appointment when you’re there. If it’s a fertility referral and initial tests then say so. If it’s wanting to have information incase it’s an issue in future, but no referral, they might not order the tests as a lot can change over the years and these tests cost the nhs money (and can add to the already huge waiting list for fertility treatment)

Ovulation predictor kits aren’t too expensive if you wanted to check whether you ovulate (if you’ve regular periods and no hormonal contraception then most likely you are, but worth checking!)

I hope that helps and you get the answers you’re needing- knowledge of any condition is a good thing I think! Try not to be scared

The first thing a doctor will ask is how long you've been actively trying for. As you're considerably under 35, you will need to be TTC (ie every other day throughout the month) for at least a year.
If doctor decides to investigate, they will take a medical history and order some blood tests. After that, they might order a scan to check your uterus, do a semen analysis etc. Even if any of these suggest you need some help, they would probably not jump straight to IVF- you might have to take medication (we had to take Clomid for 3 cycles before being referred to an IVF clinic).
The fear of not knowing is worse than knowing what you are dealing with in my opinion. If you think you are ready to start a family, then start taking Conception vitamins (or at least Folic acid) and start TTC.
Good luck

Kindly, if you aren’t tracking ovulation and having then sex at the right time during your cycle, the changes of getting pregnant reduce dramatically. If you and BF are both in agreement and you are ready to have children, I would start tracking ovulation with ovulation test, have sex on/around your peak days, and see what happens. Otherwise I wouldn’t be too concerned yet

I was in a similar situation, put it off and put it off thinking we're not actively trying. Then I ended up splitting up with the partner and subsequently had same issues with a new partner. Eventually went to docs, took 12 months for referral to come through which was gynaecology, spent nearly 12 months having tests which were inconclusive and was then referred to fertility specialist who did some tests and this dragged on nearly another year with appts only available every 3 or 4 months but then due to my age (by this point 35) I was refererred for ivf. I had my first baby at 36. All great in the end but it was a bit of a rush and I'm pushed for time if I want another one. I don't think there's necessarily anything to worry about at all but go and get checked and then you'll know and you've got loads of time to get sorted. Nhs waiting times can take forever and ever depending where you are so no point putting it off.

I think, before thinking about doctors, you have to actively try. Do you have a regular cycle? If so, it should be relatively easy to pinpoint ovulation day, and then add a few days either side. However, I can tell you what worked for us, after a year of trying. Every day starting from end of period 😃. Just want to clarify. It wasn't every day for a year. The every day stint was only because nothing had happened.

What is your diet like? You could look at infolic alpha for PCOS and fertility help.

getting your blood sugar stable might help. You could look at Zoe nutrition.

your partner too needs to have a good diet as a poor diet has been shown to affect quality and strength of sperm.

goos luck!

Get some ovulation pee strips lovely and start tracking your cycle and ovulation. Apps are estimates based on average woman.

I have clue and it would say day 18-21.

When I started peeing it was day 8-10!

Completely early and our trying definitely wasn't in the window.
Get proactive to learn your unique rhythm and go from there until you're actively trying and knowing when your window is it's all a bit academic!

Good luck 👍🏻

I would be tracking ovulation with tests before going to the doctor, it's all about timing. Even with monthly ovulation tracking, it still took me a year and a half before getting pregnant for the first time. Second time it was a month.

I have been with my partner for a long time and we never used contraceptives, we never really “ tried” to have a baby. When we decided too go for it properly, I fell pregnant within 3 months.

It's a weird comment to make to someone in a committed couple, who has been together for years with their partner, and has made a thread about potentially trying for a baby?

@BertieRosie I have found getting pregnant took a lot more effort than I thought it would, timingwise. I didn't realise how little time there is each month to actually have a chance of getting pregnant - that, for example, if you ovulate on a Saturday night but your BF is away for the weekend from Friday-Monday, then you've probably missed your chance that month. We are trying for our 2nd now and it's so tough to getting the timing right some months.

I think the NHS requires you to be actively trying for a year before they will run tests (at your age) but you could probably get a fertility check privately if you're really concerned and not ready to start properly trying yet.

If you plan to be a parent this is just the first line in a very long line of things you will have to do even though you don’t want to/it’s frightening/it’s unpleasant/it’s boring/it’s painful.

Being a Mum is wonderful but it comes with a lot of very hard work and lots of hard responsibilities. Some of which take quite a bit of courage.

Hi OP
Try these to help with working out your ovulation dates- u can record photos of the results in one of the apps (can’t remember if it’s Flo or another one 🤔) They're pretty cheap but also pretty accurate
Good Luck x

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/150613888095?_skw=ovulation+tests&itmmeta=01K10SA8XF2X6HKY5WYH32T46Q&hash=item2311498c5f:g:qHUAAOSwNvhlp7wb&itmprp=enc%3AAQAKAAAAwFkggFvd1GGDu0w3yXCmi1fVSyvU5RNWSa0PAwHJoofv9yBxG4gZSce8bE3oX20CFuA7MFzySDBIQv1ijEWZ3hcU4l6YGbxrEP4Lo%2FTqjWBdE28iPK0yIb2Au2nVwr9F0%2B4qhjlRzy97SRObT98z6go2LgFDhCHUu9GPmUb8MhndsdtsKbOVt81Wc3A23hRf6lwM5KsNn98dSgB2RMd7aZObRL8rkZ544qEbiZklKqLNgOi1FELk6q%2Bm1I2n5JJsVA%3D%3D%7Ctkp%3ABlBMUPyOqZmIZg

Doctors don't see bite. Have you got a preferred GP you get on with?
Certainly both go. An extra pair of ears for any important appointment is good and in this case, you both have a vested interest.