To be too scared to go to the doctors about this?

[BertieRosie]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years. For most of that time, we haven’t been necessarily ‘trying’ for a baby, but we have certainly not been avoiding it. I am not and never have been on any contraception.
I am worried about why nothing has ever happened, I’ve had a couple of times where my period has come late, so I have done a pregnancy test, and once there seemed to be very faint lines. However, clearly, nothing has ever ever come of it.
I am terrified to go to the doctors and find out that something is wrong with me, and that I will never have children, it is my biggest wish.
My parents had me with IVF, so this causes me even higher concern.

I would be concerned to be honest and think you should go to the doctors. You are young, which means if there is something, you have more time. If you've been having regular sex for the last 3 years, even if you hadn't intentionally tracked ovulation, in all likelihood there would have been times that you were fertile. I'm not going to judge your age because that's not what you're asking here and I had my own children in my 20s. Some of us want to be young mothers and do an excellent job of it. Start tracking ovulation and make the appointment.

there’s always one 🤦‍♀️

@BertieRosie in reality, your egg is only viable for fertilization for around 12-24 hours after ovulation so there’s really only a few days of the month you can get pregnant. I got pregnant by mistake the first time just by having unprotected sex at exactly the right/wrong time. Second time, we were trying for over a year ie having sex at the “right” time (periods were like clockwork) for about 14 months before I conceived DC2.

But as others have said, best to “face your fear” and find out one way or another. Good luck 🤞

Both infertile here. We knew what was wrong so did the Drs. Still took 7 years to get LO. I always always always encourage people to get checked out if they want to have children. Seems very foolish to me to wait a few years to get checked out and then spend years getting tested and medicated when you could have shortened it with an AMH and sperm test and an ultrasound which is 2 hours of your life.

I would try and overcome your fears and go, but agree with a pp that you need to be clear about what you want from the appointment. I know people keep talking about "not properly trying" but I would have thought using no contraception for 3 years is trying, and it is worth investigating what options are available to help you conceive if that's what you want. IVF isn't the only option - I've known friends go through fertility treatment and have various other steps along the way, not just IVF ☺️

I think I am probably really naive (and fortunate) as I used to get really confused reading threads about not using contraception but "not trying" as for me that's what trying for a baby is! Come off the pill/get coil removed, have sex, get pregnant! I can't imagine, even at my age, not using contraception and saying I wasn't trying 😱

If you’re sure you want children in your future, it wouldn’t go amiss to make an appointment just to check everything is okay.

A few years not using any protection and being young, it’s worth checking.

@FeelingSoOverwhelmed right? If you’re not using any protection then a baby is very much on the horizon.

@Pud90 Its not your place either to tell other posters what they can and can't post. This is AIBU not the Pregnancy or Conception site.

IMO it would be unreasonable to go to the GP because she's not actively trying to become pregnant and as long as her periods are regular, it's highly unlikely the NHS will step in arrange tests at this stage.
Her GP will advise on timing sex around ovulation, keep going for a year, then come back.

I would not bother seeing a GP until you have been actually "trying" - i.e. having sex at the right time of your cycle.

But if you want to conceive you should be taking folic acid supplements and making other lifestyle adjustments.

Also, please be aware of the implications of having a baby outside of marriage, it could make you vulnerable financially.

Does your boyfriend know you're trying to get pregnant too?
I would go to the doc. If it's Pcos they can give you meds to regulate your cycle

Don't get annoyed at pp suffering sti tests as this is another reason you might not get pregnant eg if you have an infection that your partner picked up from a previous fling or relationship and you went straight to unprotected sex of course you could have it now even if you have both been faithful for years

How do you know that the OP and their partner haven't had STI screens?

Like your mum, I have PCOS and it can be hereditary. My daughter found out a few years ago that she has it and is also early 20s. Irregular periods can be a symptom of PCOS and something I suffered with. I would suggest seeing doctor and getting the necessary tests done.

Why are you only replying to messages saying about your age rather then answering actual helpful answers are you just after a reaction or do you actually want help or are you just bored in the holidays. How often are you having sex? it needs to be daily or at least every other day. You need to buy some ovulation tests. And actually actively try for a while before seeing a dr. If your just having occasional sex or your not ovulating every month or hes pulling out it will take significantly longer. Are your periods regular

Do you have regular periods?
This was the first thing my gp asked when I went with the same thing.
she reassured me, that it was unlikely to be me.
If you do need help, it’s better to find out as soon as possible, whilst your eggs are still of good quality.

Knowledge is power OP, even when it feels scary.
If something needs looked at, you have that information and you can do what you choose with it.

Hi OP. I've had 5 years of fertility treatments (and now finally pregnant) so would like to think I know a thing or two on the topic.

I really disagree with people saying it's normal that nothing has happened yet.

You are in your 20's and have had 3 years of unprotected sex. Yes, it's true that there are a few days each month when you are most fertile - but after 3 years of unprotected sex in your 20's, you probably would have hit that. The window is also not quite as tiny as some people think.

If it was that hard to get pregnant, humans would have died out by now.

I'm not saying there is definitely something wrong - just that it would be quite astonishing if it's really because you've NEVER hit your fertile window in three years.

It is worth you both going to get tested - there's nothing to be worried about or ashamed of, and actually, IVF is not as bad as some make out. You will be OK, even if you do need it - but you do need to know either way.

Just make a GP appointment and find out what is actually going on, if anything (for both of you - he also needs to get checked - male factor issues are just as common as female).

Please don't judge OP by what I assume are your own standards ...

I’m not only replying to messages about my age, however I feel it is important to defend my case here as many people have got the wrong idea!
I would say on average we have sex at least 4/7 days in a week, sometimes we won’t for a day or two, but sometimes it will be multiple times in one day, for a couple days, iyswim. Not pulling out either, if it was that then I wouldn’t be too concerned about why nothing had happened yet!
I will have a look at getting some ovulation tests, and we will begin ‘actively trying’.
My periods are semi regular, as in, it comes every month, but its arrival can vary by a few days.

Defend what you're an adult now you dont need to defend anything.

Ok..
Anyway, I am not just ‘looking for a reaction’, or ‘bored on the holidays’.

If you are having sex 4 days a week over 3 years, then you will definitely have hit your fertile window. This is unusual OP.

Don't mess around with ovulation sticks - they work better for some than others and they can cause more anxiety than they're worth.

If you seriously want to get pregnant then just get to your GP and get some proper investigations done for both of you. It doesn't have to be a big song and dance. You need to know.

@BertieRosie I think it would be worth seeing a GP if you are having sex that often and nothing has happened. That does seem a bit odd.

If you've been having unprotected sex 4 plus times a week for 3 years thats actively trying and you need to see a dr. You need to be clear to the dr you have been actively trying or they will dismiss you and advise you actively try but that is what you have been doing. I dont understand what you mean when you say you haven't been actively trying as unprotected sex 4 times a week is actively trying

I really hope that your boyfriend is fully onboard with being a parent at 21.

You've said nothing about him in all of this, only that having a child is your biggest wish. Is he equally worried and wanting to assess his fertility? Because it's a couple who are fertile- not just one of you.

You've easily got another 10 or 15 years to conceive. Get your career, your finances and your home, into which a baby would be born, sorted first.

If their struggling to conceive waiting 15 years is terrible advice. But obviously her bf needs to be on board as he will need testing to but it sounds like he is