To be too scared to go to the doctors about this?

[BertieRosie]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years. For most of that time, we haven’t been necessarily ‘trying’ for a baby, but we have certainly not been avoiding it. I am not and never have been on any contraception.
I am worried about why nothing has ever happened, I’ve had a couple of times where my period has come late, so I have done a pregnancy test, and once there seemed to be very faint lines. However, clearly, nothing has ever ever come of it.
I am terrified to go to the doctors and find out that something is wrong with me, and that I will never have children, it is my biggest wish.
My parents had me with IVF, so this causes me even higher concern.

I’m actually so confused?

Why are you being so hostile? Can you explain?

So what you’re saying is you have sex with and without condoms?

the problem with that is it’s hard to track if you’re fertile as you don’t know if you’re using condoms in your fertile period.

if it was simpler, ie you saying we’ve had unprotected sex for 3 years 4-7 times a week then yes, there’s definitely a problem

as that’s what women call ‘actively trying for a baby’.

if you want to get pregnant stop using condoms and choose to actively try. Go to the doctor after one year of actively trying.

if you don’t fall pregnant you MUST tell the doctor you’ve been actively trying and not used condoms or any contraception or they won’t do investigations.

good luck

The first thing the dr is going to ask you is how long have you been trying for a baby and you seem to be really struggling to answer this question

A GP will be unlikely to do fertility investigations unless you’ve been actively trying (which would include not using any contraception and regularly having sex). However there is absolutely no harm in going to see them and getting advice.

I know you’re worried about being told you’re infertile, but try not to think of it as something completely binary - it’s usually a lot more complex than just being told “you’re infertile”. Many things might make conceiving harder, or less likely, but equally there will be many things that are treatable or at least have treatments that can improve your chances. It’s more of a sliding scale that you can have more or less chance of moving along than a straight yes or no.

You are young, and that works in your favour, because your body will be more receptive to some of the possible treatments if there is an issue.

@BertieRosie im unsure by what you mean by ‘not trying but not really trying to avoid pg either’.

If that means you’ve had unprotected sex for 3 years and haven’t got pg, then yes please go agd see your GP. Esp being so young
Please remember that half of the case with fertility issue are due to a male factor, ie it’s the man who has fertility issue!!!

But Regardless, if having children is important to you, then go and get checked WITH YOUR DP.
One really good thing is that you have plenty of time in front if you. So knowing now if there are or not fertility problems put you in a good place
eg even if you were to need IVF, the odds are much better being in your 20s than in your late 30s. Use that to your advantage :):)

We ‘tried but not really’ for 2 years and never conceived until the second month I actually started tracking my cycle. I was significantly older than you, op. Good luck

How often, and for how long, have you been having sex without any contraception at all (ie without condoms) OP?

That’s what a doctor will need to know before deciding if there are fertility problems.

If you were having unprotected sex 4 times a week for 3 years, as first seemed the case from reading your posts, then it is likely the doctor would order some tests now. But your updates seem to indicate you’ve been using condoms? So things aren’t clear.

This is a horrible response and it was perfectly clear what the OP meant. What is your problem?

Dear me mumsnet can be a nest of vipers. From what I read, you are a young couple who decided you wanted a child and thought if you had unprotected sex you would get pregnant.You are now worried as after three years nothing has happened. I think it would make sense to go to your gp and explain the situation. I can understand your fear but if there is anything stopping you getting pregnant, you or your partner, there might well be a way to remedy it. The fact that you are worrying about it could also be stopping you getting pregnant. That sounds like an old wives tale but it does happen that when people stop worrying they get pregnant. Good luck.

It's not clear and OP herself admits she's confused . As are other posters!

She keeps insisting that she's never been on the Pill.

But they have used condoms, at times, so it's never been sex 4 x a week without any form of contraception.

If they do go to a GP they will need to be very clear what they have used, how long for, when, etc.

We used condoms at the beginning of our relationship (and before.. 🙈), I’m not sure how long it actually was into our relationship that we stopped really.

pretty sure she will be clear at the GPs rather than a post on mumsnet. She seems to be genuinely asking for advice and you have railroad an aggressive agenda!! no idea why but its mean and unhelpful

A GP will get the general idea from your first post OP, they do not need an exact count of weeks and months. Good luck with getting advice and pregnant!

Do you think it has been more than a year? Roughly.

If it’s more than a year, than go and see your GP.
Dint worry about tracking etc…. It’s a great tool when you want to increase chances of conception, but you’re having regular sex, you shouldn’t need any tools like this. (Or ovulation kits etc….)
Id actually say, don’t start tracking. That’s really stressful in itself.

It's useful to see if she actually is ovulating though and getting the LH surge. That's something that can be easily be done at home. I may be wrong but I think the normal sticks can tell you when you're about to ovulate but the digital tests tell you that you have ( with a solid smiley face).

I was you 4 years ago. Tried for 3 years and was worried to go, found out I had an under active thyroid, went on medication and 6 weeks later I was pregnant 😊

They don’t need an exact count but a rough idea of how long they’ve been having unprotected sex would be useful…eg 6 months vs 2 years or more. I’m guessing that it’s a fairly long time since they used protection as OP would be able to be more accurate re timings otherwise. If so I do think it would be a good idea to see the GP.

Wowza … some serious trolling going on here :
in terms of people saying don’t go gp unless ur actively trying - I think there’s a misconception here that you have to be using apps and tracking ovulation to be trying. That’s not the case and if you have been having sex as often as you say for 3 years I would consider that as active trying even if you weren’t sat desperately hoping for a positive pregnancy test every month. In fact NICE recommendations are that you don’t use ovulation tests as they are unreliable (particularly in PCOS) and can be confusing and therefore it is better to have regular sex every 2-3 days throughout the entire month.
you don’t have to go full hog at this stage and get referred fertility clinic, you can just see ur gp who if good will arrange baseline hormone investigations based on ur cycle (bloods on day 2-3 and day 21/ a week before period), +/- an ultrasound scan and can advice on preconception health such as lifestyle and folic acid. Partner can also choose whether he wants semen analysis…. Altho clearly you have lied to him about being on the pill so I guess you will have to somehow secretly collect his semen without him knowing so it can be tested🤣🤣🙄…
anecdotally - I had completely normal investigations as did my partner. A* on paper for fertility but took years to conceive first time despite trying everything. I also felt like my worst nightmare was coming true as my whole childhood I had heard about the trauma of my parents ivf and infertility and I dreaded that also happening to me. My sister has PCOS and only has a few periods a year, was worried like you and she conceived within 3 months. Second time round for me I like you “wasn’t trying but would be happy if it happened “ hence wasn’t on contraception -and got pregnant the first month after my periods came back after finishing breastfeeding. Now have two lovely girls 20 months apart. Which we are thrilled about. It’s so hard to predict fertility and whether there will be any issues.

It would do no harm to get checked out by your GP. In advance, you could do an ovulation check. I took my temperature every morning for a month, but things have probably moved on since my day! It makes sense if you are planning the next stage of your life to make sure you are fit and healthy. If there is something amiss, best to tackle it now as it is obviously in the back of you mind. So, off you go and get things moving. Good luck.

OP a few things-

I am not going to berate you for what you have and haven’t done, that’s not what you’re here for.

A few things to think about.

I read you’re using the Flo app, are you plotting your periods? If so you should get a notification as to when the app thinks you’re ovulating. Try and have sex the most here and a few days just before, but don’t be too hard on yourself as keeping a relaxed and happy atmosphere can also help. I read that leaving it a day in between means his sperm is more healthy than if you’re at it every day. Not sure if that’s true or not. Whacking your legs up in the air after dtd can help also apparently.

YANBU to be scared but YABU if you think avoiding the truth is going to help in any way. If there is an issue with your fertitily, failing to get that diagnosed won't make it go away but it will prevent you from addressing it if that is possible, therefore I think you should make an appointment with your doctor.

Hiding from or denying the truth doesn't change the truth, but it can damage your ability to deal with it, therefore you need to face it, not try to block it out.

If you've been having unprotected sex for more than a year then totally sensible to see your GP.
An STI screen is relevant as chlamydia can cause fertility problems, as can PCOS or endometriosis. Any GP referral will take ages so it's worth tracking your ovulation and timing sex at the more fertile days of the month.

Some women get pregnant the one and first time they have sex. Some women take years. I had issues with fertility and eventually had 2 children later in life. Some issues are not even the women’s so try to summon up courage and get both of you checked. Starting with him as it’s the least invasive and easiest check.

Quite the hole you're digging yourself.