Husband won't 'return the favour'

[cookingaroast]

My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 10. I'm always pleasing him but feeling like my desires aren't reciprocated.

TMI - we have sex usually twice a week, I wake him up with hand jobs, I go down on him whenever he hints at it (usually once a week). I've asked a few times if he could go down on me and he always says he will, then it never happens!

We went on holiday last week and before we went, I asked if he could do it whilst we're away - a treat for me. He said that sounded great, I got myself all waxed - how we both prefer it - and was expecting it all week but no, I didn't get it. He got everything from me, and I really don't want to nag but this is getting frustrating.

I honestly think he's done it two, maybe three times in our whole relationship. Is this normal and something I should just accept? Beyond this, our sex life is good and I enjoy pleasing him. I'm not sure he's too interested in pleasing me.

Why have u waited all these yrs and not asked him why?
An ex partner of mine didn't and I found out later he just didn't know how

Seriously!!!

Its a difficult one because I dont think youre entitled to sex. Or particular favours. He isnt obliged and shouldnt be pressurised to do something he doesnt want.

But hes giving the impression he will or isnt saying he wont/doesnt want to and then leaving you frustrated. And thats selfish and uncool when hes happy asking for the equivalent.

I think you've two choices accept it or talk to him. Then depending what he says decide if potentially its something youre alright without.

Out of curiosity- do you ever ask in the moment? I think its odd to say oh will you do it on holiday and then spend the whole holiday hoping for a treat. Instead of in the moment asking like he does? Maybe that would work?

Sit on his face. If he dies, he dies.

Stop pleasing him. See how he likes it!

You need to stop doing anything to him. That would turn me off a guy so quick! If he doesn't enjoy giving back then that's a big ick. It should always be 50/50.

I love oral but my husband has done it twice our whole relationship. Once 2 wks ago. Its amazing when he does it. Our sex life is very good and we try to switch things up and it's good to communicate about what we want and what's good for both of us.

Hahaha OMG I meant partner not parent 😂 😆

I meant pleasuring your partner mutually.

Yes but he might communicate this honestly with her, as opposed to stringing her along, misinforming her that he will
Honesty is best here

Love it :)))

YABU for having any sex with this selfish fucker, let alone servicing him with blowies and handies at the slightest hint that he's interested.
Naturally, YANBU to think he is a selfish fucker for not reciprocating.
Stop servicing him. Tell him no more giving head until he reciprocates as often as you do it for him.

She is, however, entitled to fairness and reciprocity and to leave him if he won't provide it. If he doesn't like going down on her then he can at least use his hands to get her off. He doesn't get to use her to service him and give nothing in return.

Exactly.

Ah well then, if he at least uses his hands it's not quite so bad. You really should ask him what his objection to oral is. He may feel he would be inept or may harbour silly notions that women's genitals smell and/or taste bad.
At any rate, him continuing to lie and say he's going to do it has got to stop.

Have you even read the OP? There is no indication she has pressured him. She has occasionally asked and he has agreed, then just not done it. He hasn't said no. If he doesn't want to ever do it then it's up to him to tell her. He should not continue to lie about it.

Asking is not pressuring. If he had told her he never wants to do it instead of lying, then it would be pressuring him if she kept asking. But no, he pretended he was going to do it. It's his responsibility to be honest about it.

There is absolutely no indication she has done any of those things you mention. She has said she asked and he agreed, then he didn't deliver, and that he has only done it a few times in 15 years. I suggest you stop reading nefarious deeds into it just so you can manufacture outrage.

Superb.

We had a chat about this yesterday and he said he was happy to do it that evening 🙌🏻 he said it's been so long since he's done it, he's not really sure if he likes it but happy to give it a go.

After putting the kids to bed I went to our room and was told to get on my knees 🙄 he had a bj for about 10 minutes before we moved to the bed and it was my turn. Honestly, it was about 2 minutes, max! Then PIV for him to finish.

I asked after if he's fancy doing it more but unfortunately he said he didn't like it. At least now I know

No one should have to perform sex acts they find uncomfortable or distasteful. That applies to both of you.

A lot of people find oral sex deeply unpleasant.

If it was the other way round and he was coercing you into performing sex acts you find distasteful, I doubt many - if any - of the posters on here would be defending him.

He is not being selfish. In fact, his reluctance to tell you that he finds your demands unappealing is probably because he doesn't want to upset you.

Would you enjoy him performing sex acts on you, knowing he was hating it?

If you don't enjoy "going down", don't do it. You have the absolute right to say "no" just as he does. If you do enjoy it, do it for yourself and him, not because you expect payback.

Yes I read the OP.

Have you read the thread where posters were going on about OP withholding sex, calling him lazy and selfish? Clearly starting my post with “this thread is nuts” is in response to the thread and not what OP said. 🙄

He told you to get on your knees? He is a dickhead, OP.

I hope you will now stop giving him BJs.

I used to absolutely hate giving blow jobs but I did it because I felt like I had to. Male partners very rarely went down on me and if they did, didn’t seem to know what they were doing so it didn’t last long.

Unrelated to the above, I realised later on in life that I am gay. Oral sex (both giving and receiving) has been a revelation. I’m single at the moment and I really miss it. I genuinely can’t imagine what is not to like about giving your partner that pleasure.

I think its clear that he doesn't like it. The question is now what will you do about it?

OK, so is there anything you really enjoy that he is willing to do? Or is it all about him?

He sounds really selfish.