Husband won't 'return the favour'

[cookingaroast]

My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 10. I'm always pleasing him but feeling like my desires aren't reciprocated.

TMI - we have sex usually twice a week, I wake him up with hand jobs, I go down on him whenever he hints at it (usually once a week). I've asked a few times if he could go down on me and he always says he will, then it never happens!

We went on holiday last week and before we went, I asked if he could do it whilst we're away - a treat for me. He said that sounded great, I got myself all waxed - how we both prefer it - and was expecting it all week but no, I didn't get it. He got everything from me, and I really don't want to nag but this is getting frustrating.

I honestly think he's done it two, maybe three times in our whole relationship. Is this normal and something I should just accept? Beyond this, our sex life is good and I enjoy pleasing him. I'm not sure he's too interested in pleasing me.

he loves the spontaneous hand/ blow jobs and I wouldn't want to stop that to get what I want, I doubt it'd make me feel good as a person to withhold.

Why is it ok for him to withhold but not you?

She didn't ask once, she said she's asked many times and he says yes then doesn't do it. It's a weird situation.

That's wrong though. Giving oral sex isn't 'licking a cylinder' what on earth!? Why are you telling that person why she enjoys giving blow jobs? What's your authority to say that? Giving a blow job can be very arousing as an activity by itself. It's not 'licking a cylinder' FFS!

What a ridiculous comment 🤦‍♀️

@Picklechicken

She asked. Not pressured. She asked. He said yes. Then didnt follow through.

It’s not unreasonable to expect honesty and follow through from your own husband.

Because OP enjoys doing that for him. He obviously doesn’t enjoy giving oral, which he’s entitled to not do. Op said he does other things for her so he’s not withholding everything and just receiving

But part of why OP may enjoy it is because he keeps promising to do it for her. She says she keeps being 'in hope' that he will do it for her. Perhaps she thinks the more she pleases, the more he will want to please her.

She may find herself offering it less and less once he actually says he doesn't enjoy doing it for her. At the moment, he is a liar.

Wtf.

ODFOD...

It's poor form on his part.

I'm very attracted to my partner, so would happily do virtually anything for her, as long as it wasn't harmful, overly painful, or actively repellant.

This particular thing is lovely to do, however, and is possibly the height of intimacy 🙂

I don’t get the feeling that is correct

She didn't say many times. She said she's asked 'a few times'. Which i maintain over the course if a 15 year relationship is not 'pressuring him'. Especially when nothing further is said when he doesnt bother.

We’ll have to just to leave this with the knowledge that you don’t get what we’re saying. I can’t articulate it any other way. No biggie.

Actually, I think I’ll try one more time.

if two people like and love each other in a healthy mutual relationship then giving oral either way is pleasurable because you’re making the other person happy, and you love them, so that turns you on.

in the ops situation, there is only one person trying to make the other happy, it isn’t equal.

I see that you can’t explain why it’s ridiculous?

Hoping that it's autocorrect that made this creepy unintentionally.

Is that in English?

And yet men do it to women all the time!

It’s not a lovely thing to do though is someone doesn’t like it.

Then he should stop pushing OP to do it to him. Don’t repeatedly ask for something you’re not prepared to reciprocate, particularly when you promise it, get yours, then ‘forget’ once it’s your turn.

Where did OP say he pushes her to do it to him? She wakes him up with a hand job, how is that him pushing her to do it if he’s asleep? She spontaneously gives him a bj… again that’s her doing it not him pushing it.

The handjobs are spontaneous, yes. That’s not I was referring to. She literally says in the opening post that he asks for BJs and she gives them. He asks, promises that he will reciprocate occasionally, she gets waxed for his preference, and he doesn’t. I call bullshit.

OP says she goes down whenever he hints at it, so he doesn’t directly ask just hints. If she didn’t want to she could quite easily ignore the hints and not do it. He also didn’t promise he said that sounds great. Yes OP did get a wax because she said that’s how they both prefer it, not just him but she also prefers it that way

Clutching at straws here. He likely pushes her head down, and she clearly says that she obliges and has been waiting in hope.

If he doesn’t want to do it….fair enough. But it’s unreasonable for him to hint push her head down.

“I genuinely do enjoy pleasing him”

a quote from OP. Not sure it can be made any clearer. It’s not unreasonable for a person to receive something that someone also likes giving just because they aren’t giving it back. If OP didn’t enjoy doing it then of course he shouldn’t expect it from someone who doesn’t enjoy giving it, especially if he isn’t willing to do the same but OP says she enjoys it