Class rep didn't include all kids names in the end of year card

[Whydiddnt]

Aibu to be mortified?

The class rep organised a whip around for the end of term teacher gift. Not everyone chipped in for various reasons however, the vast majority did.

I've just found out that the rep only listed the children whom contributed in the card, instead of writing it from the full class.

Is it just me that finds this mean and horrible? Why would anyone leave out a couple of children who's parents probably couldn't afford to chip in.

It wouldn't have taken any extra effort to address the gift from the whole class. It's not the children's fault that their parents couldn't afford it. I really hope those poor kids were none of the wiser.

The only people who lose out as a result of not including everyone are the children (they might see the card and feel sad) and/or the teacher, who would have been chuffed to have received a card with all the names on.
And I'd hardly call it subsidising - there's no reason your contribution has to go up as a result of them not paying. If £15 gets raised because half the people out a quid in, that's a nice bunch of flowers and a card. Fine! The only extra effort is writing or typing some more names.
I've pretty much exclusively taught in very deprived areas all over the country. I've never received expensive presents or a whipround. I do not care - a card from everyone would be brilliant.

Do people really include all names? I just put "from the parents and children of Class X", which, while perhaps slightly impersonal, avoids the issue of signing on behalf of people who might be doing their own thing or not want to be included.

The children would not know whose names are on the card. I wouldn’t put it out for all to see.

Yes. It’s not about money, it’s about people who generally cannot be bothered and are happy for others to do all the work for them.

Example A- parent privately explains that they can’t afford to contribute, offers to help organise end of year things in an alternative way, asks if their child can still be named on the card. No problem- thank you for communicating and letting me know.

Example B- zero communication. No, I wouldn’t bother including you.

I am one of the only ones who worried about parents who weren’t yet in a class Watsapp group (I didn’t even create it!) Spent ages checking individually with people in a friendly way if they’d like to be added or knew anyone who would. One Mum made it clear she wanted nothing to do with it. Some parents genuinely do not want to be involved.

I am sick of people not RSVPing to parties, turning up late, not returning play dates, turning up with uninvited siblings, turning up late to school events then whinging they don’t have a seat (get there on time then!), generally not communicating or checking details then blaming other people. Absolutely sick of it.

I feel for class reps who can’t do right for doing wrong, and certainly wouldn’t do it at my own school, that’s for sure. What a thankless task!

If you didn’t contribute, why should your name be on the card? I don’t get why our annoyed! If you are that bothered you should have contributed!

You’re ignoring the posts from parents saying they haven’t wanted to be included for a variety of reasons. They’ve chosen not to contribute and therefore don’t want their child named/included under the class name.

Why don’t you think their wishes matter?
As the collector then unless that parent sent me a message specifically to say "I am not contributing please don't include my child's name on the card" then I wouldn't notice they hadn't contributed because I never had a list of names I checked off. Even if I did notice I would assume they either couldn't afford it, or forgot, or just weren't arsed about it. None of which would make me want to go to the extra effort of writing "Love from Jane, Fred, Billy, etc etc x 29" when "Love from Monkey Class" takes a fraction of the time.

I didn't realise anyone really goes to the effort of actually writing out individual names.

I’m with you OP, I remember being horrified at a class rep many moons ago when my eldest was in primary and only the kids whose parents have given money being included. We have no idea of the circumstances that have led to a parent not contributing but some will be for awful reasons- family illness, neglect etc., and the child is not responsible for that. It is these kids who need others to look out for them- they’re already at a disadvantage without a busybody class rep not putting their name on a card.

This. It would be very unkind to those who DID contribute to include people who did not.

No adult’s names are on the cards. So that question doesn't make sense.

If an adult didnt contribute why should the CHILD’s name be on the card is what you are asking.

Again, petty petry petty.

I think only signing it from the children whose parents contributed is bad form. I organised our teacher present this year and I just wrote "from year 6" in the card. The vast majority of parents contributed but not all - some parents wanted to do something more personal which is fine, but some couldn't actually afford to contribute and then there are some that just aren't engaged or bothered. Neither of which is the child's fault and I certainly wasn't going to single out those children by blatantly omitting them. Really pathetic behaviour from an adult to do so.

it's brilliant! Only one parent emailing the teacher to clarify anything and they feedback to everyone else. I wouldn't want to be it though, admittedly! But some people enjoy being a bit important dont they 🤭

I am a teacher and I honestly wouldn’t be bothered, you don’t do it for the presents and cards.

Just because you wouldn't, doesn't mean the same goes for everyone else.

All children are likely to be there in the class when the teacher receives the group gift and will see their reactions and appreciation.

They may even display the card to let the children know it was appreciated.

Imagine being one of those few children that wasn't included?

Children are very smart and they absolutely do notice these things.

Even if they didn't see any of this and it was given discreetly, children talk and they would likely find out somewhere.

Maybe volunteer as class rep if you’re not happy with how they dealt with this then you know it will be done the way you want.

There wouldn't have been a contribution from me as I disagree with class reps and end of term gifts to teachers.

I would have had words with 'class rep' If my child's name had been written on the card against my wishes

I agree with you. I have been a class rep throughout my son’s time in primary school and would never do this.

Please, for the love of God, get out and about, see the reality of real problems, understand that you are doing your children ZERO favours by being so utterly obsessed by them and every interaction they have. This doesn't matter and is a perfectly normal way to conduct things. And if it wasn't (and it is) it still wouldn't matter. JFC.

Maybe read my pp. I've done one previously and listed it from 'the whole class xxx' even though not everyone contributed.

Also you can't presume that parents of kids who didn't contribute actually want their kifs to be included.

I really wish we still had the laughing reaction for this reply.

No words can satisfy how I feel about your response 🤣

I think this is fair enough, but OP said the vast majority contributed to this present, which is different - if 26 out of 30 parents have paid it takes far more effort to write out 26 names than to just write 'from year 5.'

I agree it's petty OP but highly unlikely the teacher will be scouring the card cross referencing names.

But the post isn't about the parents who don't want to be included. It's about the children being excluded on purpose because their parents didn't pay. I think that's a bit mean, sorry. 🤷🏼 Maybe petty is a better word.

One poster has it right - from 'From Monkey class' would do as well, but if you're going to write names from most of the class, do all of them I reckon unless someone objects.

Though like I said I've never received anything like that and none of my classes have had WhatsApp groups or class reps, or whiprounds, in a decade! So what do I know.

It’s been pointed out to you repeatedly that some parents might have found you doing that very presumptuous.

Yes, happens in my child’s class and it’s weird imo. It’s like it must be made completely clear who contributed to the present and who didn’t. We don’t get merit points for giving the teacher a present 😅 Odd, but kids won’t know at least.

I think it’s ok that it’s only a card from those who contributed. I would have done a separate card/gift and wouldn’t have expected my name on group card.