Class rep didn't include all kids names in the end of year card

[Whydiddnt]

Aibu to be mortified?

The class rep organised a whip around for the end of term teacher gift. Not everyone chipped in for various reasons however, the vast majority did.

I've just found out that the rep only listed the children whom contributed in the card, instead of writing it from the full class.

Is it just me that finds this mean and horrible? Why would anyone leave out a couple of children who's parents probably couldn't afford to chip in.

It wouldn't have taken any extra effort to address the gift from the whole class. It's not the children's fault that their parents couldn't afford it. I really hope those poor kids were none of the wiser.

The reasoning is the fact it's children being singled out of a group gift due to their parents choices here. It's not about adults in a workplace that have a choice in the matter and complete control of their contributions and involvement.

The two are not comparable.

What kind of adult would happily single out and not include a child/children in a group thank you? A weird one is who.

This is normal, no? The card is signed by whoever the gift is from.

if you’ve not contributed because you’ve chosen to buy your own gift or didn’t want to contribute then your child’s name wouldn’t be on the card.

sometimes I’ve joined in the class collection and my child’s name has been on the card. Other times I’ve declined because I’ve already bought a gift and we did our own card.

it’s really not a big deal and nothing to be mortified about at all. Kids would be none the wiser either.

I really think you are making it something it isn’t. Some parents put money together to buy a gift, those children’s names where listed. Why would other children be included when they weren’t part of it. The teacher isn’t going to hold it against the child. I did the collection and 20/30 contributed. Atleast 8 of the 10 who didn’t commented to say they were doing their own thing, why would they want to be listed. I think your personal relationships/reasoning is swaying your thoughts on this one.

I'm a PSA and have had some cards that say 'from P2 (or whatever)' and others that list the contributing families' names. I know for some of the families that don't contribute it's about affordability and I can guess as to the reasons for the others... but it doesn't make me feel any differently about the kids, it doesn't make me treat any of them any better or worse, or do anything in my job at all differently.. so I don't really see the issue.

They did this at my school. It was all a bit showy with the presentation of gifts on sports day. I don’t care one bit if they left my kid out on the card, I’m fairly certain the teacher didn’t care either. Instead my kid did a handmade card and brought some wildflower seeds. She then gave them without all the bells and whistles.

I understand what you're saying and yes, my personal views are definitely swaying it.

The reason I'm annoyed by it is that out of 28 children, 3 have been left out. That's just mean imo.

And yes, I did mention some parents didn't contribute for various reasons as I didn't want the post to be too revealing, just incase one of those parents see it. But I'm pretty certain that they didn't contribute due to financial reasons. although admittedly I don't know that for sure.

It would have been much kinder to address it from the full class instead of individual names, probably easier for the rep too. I think it's all just a bit mean spirited for the left out children.

No need for you to be mortified.

The teacher will be well aware if the class rep is the type that only included those who contributed because they knew others were doing their own thing or because they're being snippy and pointed about it.

Which of the camps class reps fall into is something school staff are very aware of.

When 2 years ago the class rep in my DDs class didn't include her name, and the only name not included, because I forgot to send the £3 contribution (the HT had a strict limit on what's allowed to be spent) because my younger DD was in ICU fighting for her life it said way more about her than it did me.

Equally when last years class rep didn't include DDs best friend it was because they knew her Mum had organised a separate gift because the teacher went above and beyond for the family.

Yup agree

Weird take

I'm thank ful for their free labour

Next next time you should volunteer your time to do it @Whydiddnt ?

It’s actually a lot of effort to organise, chase people up etc. And funnily enough it’s the people that don’t step up to do something on behalf of other parents that moan about it.

I’m not surprised that someone who has put the effort in, sent lots of reminders, sorted presents and cards etc., only listed the names of those who contributed and omitted the names of the people that ignored the whole thing. I’d assume those people are sorting their own card and/or gift or maybe they’re just not the kind of parent who wants to thank the teachers (they do exist!)

It’s a bit like moaning that you were excluded from a party you were invited to, despite the fact you consciously ignored that invitation.

As a former teacher having got whole class gifts they were only ever given as 'from 2G' etc. I never would have expected to know who did and didn't and that would have been really strange to see. I just enjoyed hey John Lewis vouchers and bought a lovely suitcase with them.

Next time you should read all the comments before replying.

I've stated multiple times that I have previously organised a collection and EVERY child was included, even if their parents didn't contribute.

Gees 🙄

@OhMyChickenDinner
Exactly! Why should people get credit for something they haven’t contributed to? Sometimes I wonder if people on MN are from an alternate universe! Batshit behaviours and opinions that I never encounter in real life! As for being mortified! 🤷‍♀️ The teacher and kids won’t give a shiny shit so why waste energy being mortified. Personally I think it’s a bit entitled to expect to be included on a card when you couldn’t be arsed to contribute towards a gift!

I think this sort of thing is the height of solipsistic navel gazing.

The teacher will not give a monkeys.

So the class rep has been a bit petty… never mind. Let them get on with it and contribute or not in future.

Genuinely not worth expending mental energy over.

I guarantee you that the teacher is not at home stewing over why little Maisie wasn’t named in the card. Because teachers have lives and it is now the summer holidays, aka, the meagre payback teachers get for being teachers.

It’s a thankless task organising the bloody gift. It’s amazing how many opinions people have about what should or should not be gifted. It’s completely normal to put the names of the children whose parents have contributed on the card. I’ve never seen it done differently through 4 kids worth of class gifts. I’ve also never seen the card given in front of the kids. Plenty of parents do their own thing. It’s really not a big deal.

As an ex teacher, yes I would. I'd be annoyed if done kids names weren't on because I.'d understand exactly why. It's the reason I hate the idea of a class gift/card. Some parents cant/ won't chip in (perfectky reasonable, no teacher needs a gift) but that should not punish the kid.

Even though tge kid probably won't be aware, I would be and I'd not think much of whoever organised it all!

Can I ask if one of the three children left out was your child?

No words can satisfy how much I mean it and wish you'd just get a grip 😅😂

My parents thought it was stupid at a fee paying school to buy the teacher a gift. But each one had a "gift opening" ceremony in the morning of the last day and of course none of them were from me. Of course this was uncomfortable for me.

I still think it is reasonable though to only include names of the contributers.

If I was a parent who couldn’t afford a few quid to contribute to the teachers gift, the least of my concerns would be if my name was on a card or not to be honest. It’s not like the teacher is going to read the card out to the class and say oh it’s from a,b,c etc. the kids whose name isn’t on the card probably don’t even know. The teacher isnt going to be arsed or bothered. It’s not like they are going to go ‘ ooh little Harry didn’t contribute to my gift last year, that’s it no house points for the rest of primary’ .

I think it's fairly standard for a card to indicate who the gift is from.
I don't think the teacher will notice exactly who has and hasn't signed the card (I'm a teacher).
If they do, then I'm sure they won't mind/care/give it a second thought.
A card is very easy to buy/make for your child to be able to give their own, which is likely to be more appreciated.

I would have been mortified if my kids names were in the card and we didn’t contribute! We never contributed to class group gifts but preferred to get our own for the teacher, where we just wrote our child’s name ‘and family’, such as - from Frank White and family. I felt no need to add the rest of the class to our gift, and would have felt uneasy my child’s name being on a gift they were not involved in contributing to.

There was also the issue in some schools we used (maybe all but only some of them publicly advertised it?), that there was a cap on the value of a gift to a teacher per family, any gift had to be logged, and if value was over cap they could not accept/had to arrange return. We used that as the guide to get the gift, so in those instances our individual gift (at cap) would have been returned as in total with ‘portion’ of class gift it would have exceeded cap per family, and I would have been raging at the person who thought it appropriate to include my child in the card or indicate they were part of the group gift.

When did class rep become a thing? It sounds horrendous. My youngest is in year 11 and it was unheard of when my kids where in primary. If you wanted to but a card or gift it was an individual decision and teachers did not expect it. Class rep sound like one individual who likes to bully to other parents into contributing just to make themselves look good😞 the teachers I know do not like them and wish it would go back to the old way.

I think OP was expecting unanimous agreement with the profound wisdom of her position.

Instead she got a very split vote.

That's how it goes somemosttimes.