Class rep didn't include all kids names in the end of year card

[Whydiddnt]

Aibu to be mortified?

The class rep organised a whip around for the end of term teacher gift. Not everyone chipped in for various reasons however, the vast majority did.

I've just found out that the rep only listed the children whom contributed in the card, instead of writing it from the full class.

Is it just me that finds this mean and horrible? Why would anyone leave out a couple of children who's parents probably couldn't afford to chip in.

It wouldn't have taken any extra effort to address the gift from the whole class. It's not the children's fault that their parents couldn't afford it. I really hope those poor kids were none of the wiser.

Having done collections for 4 years while DD was at primary, I only put the card from the children that contributed.
Doing a collection was extremely draining, some parents didn’t want to put in and voiced quite strong opinions about us doing one large gift rather than 30 ‘personal’ gifts….
We only asked for £10 per child though, and if everyone put in (which one year they did) we got the teacher £200’s of vouchers of various day outs/experiences and the TA a £100 gift voucher for a camping shop as we were told that was her hobby!

I don’t really understand the mentality of someone thinking that their name would be in the card with a gift they hadn’t put towards?
I understand some families can not afford to put in towards a gift but surely they can afford to either buy a cheap card or make one with their child…

I've just found out that the rep only listed the children whom contributed in the card, instead of writing it from the full class

How do you know this, have you read the card, and do you know the reasons?Or are you guessing/listening to gossip?

I think it's reasonable to leave a child off the card if the parents have said that they want to do their own thing. But not reasonable if it's purely because the parents can't afford to contribute. But unless the class rep has stated his/her reasons, you can't know why it has been done this way.

What would've happened with the three children who's parents didn't contribute in the days before class gifts? Surely it's the same? They may have been embarrassed that they didn't have a physical gift to give the teacher. Personally I think it's way less obvious to the children now as the only way they would know is if they saw the inside of the card...whereas in days gone by they would have been stood there with no gift/card.

Christ… it’s not bullying. A card is given with a gift, the gift is from say 20 out of 30 children so the card reflects this….
Doing a collection and constantly reminding parents to pay is stressful, everyone in the class has an opinion on how the money should split between teachers & TA’s, what should be bought, when it should be given etc… we like to give it at the end of the last day, but then some people say ‘oh we are going on holiday for the last few days of term so can it be given 4 days before the last day…. Etc… it’s such hard work and I tried every year to suggest someone else took a turn but no one ever wanted the responsibility… one mum was actually quite nasty about ‘class collections’ and was deleted from the chat… every parent/child who didn’t contribute said they were doing their own thing - which to me means they’re doing their own card and gift… in fact nasty mum said something along the lines of her DD will do something personal as a thank you rather than opting for the ‘easy’ option of just giving a tenner to a collection.. so whether or not it’s the parents fault - she has said she doesn’t want her child included…. So by putting from class BS I would be including her child against her wishes….
but then the card we did was specifically saying ‘we have got you a few things we hope you enjoy doing’ from X, Y & Z!!
I also put the names of children in the chat before putting them into the card so that spellings could be corrected… not a single parent raised an issue with it only being from contributing families, but it was made clear, so I guess the other parents were given warning to buy their own card.

If there was a child in the class that was quite obviously abused or neglected or was an orphan or something I’d probably put the extra tenner in myself and include them though!

Also the problem is - if the card and (so by default) gift are being put from everyone in the class, our teachers often send out little notes or emails to those who bought a gift thanking them…. I’d feel odd if I hadn’t contributed to a gift but then got thanked. It would feel dishonest!

The class rep told me. They said it was because the parents of the 3 children didn't chip in.

They only wanted to list the children who's parents contributed.

Anyway, thos post is going round and round in circles now. I've explained everything I needed to multiple times and as usual, people don't ftft and comment the same nonsense over and over again.

And actually since you keep saying ‘well if you knew the dynamics’…. We don’t know the dynamics and since you’re clearly not going to tell us we can only make a
judgement based on what we do know, which is nothing… so your post is a bit daft… plus you’re attitude that only your opinion is correct makes you asking this even dafter

The class rep told me. They said it was because the parents of the 3 children didn't chip in.
They only wanted to list the children who's parents contributed

Hmm, then I'm kinda on the fence about it. It's quite normal to only put in the names of those who contribute. Did they give a reason that they didn't contribute? If it's because they wanted to do their own thing, then it's fair enough.

That said, I'd have probably just put in all the names anyway, especially as it's only 3 children. Hopefully the children won't read the card and realise. But I don't think either way is wrong, it's just a difference of opinion.

are you middle class from small town, but also cheap as fuck?

My suggestion is - next year you start the collection after Easter holidays - set up group chat and ask who would like to contribute… make it clear that everyone will be in card whether they contribute or not .. and you do you…… saying you did it once and put ALL in card is great, but were the parents who contributed made aware that’s what you did? Why if you did such a wonderful job didn’t you continue doing the collection and arranging the gifts and cards?
Did you challenge the parent when she/he told you they’d done this or just jump on MN expecting validation for your opinion?
Anyway when I did it I made it quite clear up front that the card was from those that contributed…..
that’s the issue here, it should’ve been made clear so the parents of the other 3 knew to at least sort a card.

BUT I think most people would assume that their name wouldn’t be on a gift they hasn’t paid into!

Why do people come on mumsnet asking for opinions then call everyone else’s opinions nonsense?!
Why do people tell half a story and then state ‘well you’d feel differently if you knew the circumstances!’ …..
Either except others opinions or don’t ask for them!…. And either tell the whole
story or don’t post!

When I was class rep at primary, often the more working class parents did their own thing. Our school was in an affluent area, with a big block of flats opposite, and the parents from the flats tended to not get involved in group stuff. I knew many of them as my daughters are adopted and were much more comfortable with the kids from this estate, but when it came to collections they werent interested, they did their own thing. And it was often much more than anything anyone was contributing to the collection!

If you’re that ‘mortified’ then organise it yourself next year. The teacher won’t care/notice that one or two names aren’t on the card. Chances are those who didn’t contribute did their own thing anyway.

Never understood this. We have always did any gifts individually.

I don't think it's unfair to leave out those who didn't contribute. Same as when someone is leaving at work, those who drop off money for a collection sign the card but those who don't contribute either have to get their own card to give or do nothing.

I would never be so rude to as address a card from another person! Who does that?

Assume message was “Hey doing a collection for Teacher, if you want to contribute to card and gift, here are my bank details.” Some will contribute, some will do their own thing, and others don’t “do” teacher gifts for other reasons.

The only names on the card will be the ones who contributed. There could be many, or there could be only five. Whatever. It’s clear how it works.

What if those who hadn’t have contributed had done their own gifts and cards? Then that child would have effectively given two gifts and two cards. You cannot expect the organiser to establish this level of information.

Let me guess, you didn't contribute.

I would definitely assume that if parents didn’t contribute, they didn’t want to be included.

It would be different if someone contacted the class rep and explained that they couldn’t contribute money, but asked if their dc could still have a message on the card, and the class rep said no. That’s a bit mean.

We have a family in our school though that would go absolutely bonkers if you signed their child’s name to anything without their consent. They are big into privacy and conspiracy theories, and are forever getting their lawyers on the school and any other parents for exactly this sort of thing. The class rep would definitely have gotten one of their famous cease and desist letters for such behaviour. 😂

Let me guess you can’t be bothered to read all the OP’s posts before commenting.

Duplicate post

£10 is a huge amount to some family's. There's no only about £10 when they carnt afford it

When mine where in primary thankfully their was no class rep and no collections. Children gave cards, usually home made. Some kids took flowers from the garden. Some kids decorated mugs or drew a picture. Expensive presents wasn't a thing and teachers appreciated it more because it came from the kids not parents bank accounts. It actually meant something.

If you choose not to contribute i don't see why you'd expect you get credit for the gift

I think it's fair enough to list the people who donated

And now we get to it. Your only donating to get credit for the gift. You haven't actually put in any effort at all. What's wrong with a simple card from your child, drawn themselves, most teachers appreciate that for more then someone transferring £10 so someone else can buy a gift.

Which some children simply D0 NOT HAVE at home.
I don't know why people don't believe that - but it is heartbreakingly true.

I was a class rep for dd2's reception class. It's handy to have one as it's a link between the teacher & parents. They are introduced usually at the beginning of the year & handy for tickets to events, finding out info etc without having to ask the school or teacher. Probably less needed now as most classes have a Fb or WhatsApp group