Children sleeping in parent’s beds

[questionaboutson]

I am divorced but this was an issue when I still lived with exH.

He used to let the children (I’d say encourage but maybe I’m being mean), sleep in his bed.
i always used to try and get them to sleep in their own beds as much as possible.
(we are from different cultures, not sure if relevant).

anyway, fast forward to now, my 6.5 year old daughter spends every night in her uncles bed when she’s at her dads. My 8 year old son has his father sleeping on the bottom bunk every night. When they’re at mine they sleep in their own beds, every time, unless they wake upset in the night, which is very rare).

totally happy to be told I’m being unreasonable but I really find it a bit ‘icky’ and uncomfortable. Hoping that I’m told I’m wrong and that I don’t need to bring it up with them. (Definitely don’t think anything untoward is going on with uncle - at all, I really just think it’s inappropriate and a bit engulfing/smothering of the dad and brother to be allowing this).

YABU - it’s fine for the kids to do this when little
YANBU - they should be in their own beds

My kids (5&2) come and get into bed with me night sometimes if they wake. I just let them go back to sleep. They do the same at their dads.
I would not be having them sleeping in a bed with anyone except their parents.
If either of us have partners staying we go back to bed with whichever child is there and either sleep in their bed with them or re settle them and leave again.
Sleeping in bed with an uncle is very strange

No, with him. I used to argue the kids should sleep in their own beds, he used to allow them freely to sleep with him

Outrageous.
You must protect your children.

Oh come on OP.
You need to get SS involved.

I will. If I could have called them tonight I would have done. I will call tomorrow

Social services isn’t a big move if nobody in the family can see this is inappropriate. Call them tomorrow!

100% this. Surely that's what most normal adults would do. Your DD sharing with her uncle is wrong on every level.

This is completely inappropriate. No way should she be sharing with her uncle.

It isn't a big move. I'd also be stopping overnight contact at a minimum

The poll is a bit skewed based on your questions.

I don’t have an issue with children sharing a bed but you’re conflating a child sharing a bed with a parent, with your daughter sharing her bed with her Uncle OR going in their own beds. Whole different question.

But that's sharing a bed with their Dad. And you as well at the time, presumably.

That's totally different from your daughter in bed with her uncle.

Completely fine for a child to share a bed with a parent. Co sleeping is natural and shouldn’t be seen as icky. You were wrong to make an issue between the two of you when you were together.

Co sleeping with another male relative - no.

Yes completely different. That was with him. We were in separate beds at the time.

Parents - fine

Uncle - Really fucking odd

Unsafe co-sleeping is dangerous, yes.

Co-sleeping done safely is safer than having the child sleep separately, in terms of SIDS.

Interestingly, co-sleeping isn’t known as co-sleeping around the world. It’s known as ‘sleeping.’ It’s entirely normal and developmentally appropriate.

The uncle dynamic is inappropriate.

But my almost 6 year old is welcome in my bed as much as she likes. She starts off in her own bed always, but often migrates over in the night. I have a huge bed and don’t hear her come in so it is no bother to me. I have zero fucks to give what people think of that, they can do what they like in their own homes. I’m very sure she won’t want to do it at 21 so I’m happy to go with the flow.

I posted it on the wrong thread - I've reported it and asked for it to be deleted

@questionaboutson Your daughter should not be bed sharing with her uncle, for her safety and dignity. What are you going to do to stop it?

Good luck OP, I hope both your children and you are ok. Hopefully nothing untoward is going on, social services will listen to you and investigate.

So why did you make the thread about children in their parents' beds?

I know that different cultures can be very different and this may cause you to feel uncomfortable approaching your ex. However, once you immigrate, you have to accept laws and rules of the country you live in. I am an immigrant myself (not in UK) and had to change many things in the way I live and raise my kids, in order to fit in into the new environment. I personally do not like co-sleeping and have discouraged this with my kids from an early age, but agree with the other posters, that sleeping with parent is acceptable, but most definitely not with other family members. (Although, we all know that many kids have experienced sexual abuse by the parent as well. 😩)

Definitely approach your ex and tell him (do not ask him) that you prefer your kids sleep alone, but most definitely not with anyone other then himself. If he does not comply, report this to social services.

Thank you for your kind response amongst all the attacks I’ve received.

i have heard the message loud and clear everyone…

Bad wording, written in haste

Sharing a room with father is fine. Sharing a bed with an uncle at the age of 6 is a safeguarding issue. I feel pretty confident that my brothers aren't pedophiles but there still isn't a chance they would be sharing a bed with my child. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even want to just as I wouldn't want to share with my nieces or nephews. Stop the sleepovers.

Thank you, I will