Children sleeping in parent’s beds

[questionaboutson]

I am divorced but this was an issue when I still lived with exH.

He used to let the children (I’d say encourage but maybe I’m being mean), sleep in his bed.
i always used to try and get them to sleep in their own beds as much as possible.
(we are from different cultures, not sure if relevant).

anyway, fast forward to now, my 6.5 year old daughter spends every night in her uncles bed when she’s at her dads. My 8 year old son has his father sleeping on the bottom bunk every night. When they’re at mine they sleep in their own beds, every time, unless they wake upset in the night, which is very rare).

totally happy to be told I’m being unreasonable but I really find it a bit ‘icky’ and uncomfortable. Hoping that I’m told I’m wrong and that I don’t need to bring it up with them. (Definitely don’t think anything untoward is going on with uncle - at all, I really just think it’s inappropriate and a bit engulfing/smothering of the dad and brother to be allowing this).

YABU - it’s fine for the kids to do this when little
YANBU - they should be in their own beds

As an uncle to now adult nieces who stayed at ours when they were about that age. No. No way. Get to f. Should a six year old sleeping his bed. The girls came into us, we had a pot of tea, they were wrapped in duvets but definitely outside the covers.
Eldest niece lived with us for 6 weeks a year ago for work...we have her the family bathroom and I used my bathroom downstairs and my wife the on suite.

Sleeping with parents is fine - and actually very natural and normal. Not appropriate with uncle.

Think I clicked the wrong option. IMO fine with parents but definitely NOT with uncle. Very weird and potentially a safeguarding issue.

What culture is this?

You are talking about a totally different thing than small children 'migrating' into their parents bed in the night, a girl sleeping with her uncle (unless he is a child too (it can happen)) no way, with her dad, if she has her own bed but won't stay in it, I would hope is OK, but I find it much more acceptable with both parents in the bed.

Sharing a bed with a parent is fine sharing a bed with an uncle is not.

I will enquire with social services, it was more @Poopeepoopee ’s manner that I objected to

Seeping in parents bed is fine, definite no no for 6 year old girl to be regularily sleeping in uncles bed.

parent ok, but uncle?!?! Why can’t she sleep with dad?

Thank you for this perspective from an uncle!

Ahhh OP it’s the people you least suspect. Family members are more likely to do untoward things towards your children than strangers. Please please stop your children from going to the fathers until this is sorted. Why can’t the children go in the bunk beds and the father go sleep with the uncle? Also what was the thought behind the Uncle having your daughter in the bed. Oh lord, please OP don’t allow this. Culture or not please protect your children

I know a lot of people whose own kids sleep with them intermittently at this age - but agree the uncle thing is a bit weird. I’m not social services will do much but a quiet chat to ask them their view is potentially relevant. I also can’t understand why the uncle or father would want this.

Every one of them has their own bedrooms, non of them need to share.

the uncle I suspect is gay, not sure if that helps the matter. I’m not excusing it, I am very pleased I have the courage now to try and end this

@Poopeepoopee FYI I thought you was spot on 👌

I personally co sleep with my DD aged 2 but it's only ever me and her sharing a bed. You absolutely should be concerned, as you are, about the sleeping arrangement ls at your ex partners. Your DD sleeping with her uncle in his bed is gross. You do need to either make sure it stops or inform social services. I hate to say this but how can you possibly know in this situation, that your DD is safe?

Yea co sleep with YOUR child not someone else’s the whole uncle thing is totally NOT ok. And I’m actually quite shocked that a mother of two is asking a second opinion on this ?!

No, I'm sorry but a 6 year old girl sleeping in the same bed as her Uncle? That's not on.

My 5yo sleeps in my bed quite a lot when her dad is away with work but there's absolutely no chance I'd allow her to sleep in bed with a random male relative.

This is normal in many cultures. It is only because you come from a different culture that you see something wrong with it.

You had children with a man from a culture where this is normal so I don’t think you can tell him that he can’t do something he grew up with with his own children when it is completely harmless and normal to his family. They are his children too, and he has as much right to share parenting that he received as you do.

I was sexually abused by an uncle everyone thought was lovely and safe. Jesus fucking christ please stop this situation.

Before you become too shocked and risk injuring yourself, consider that the people asking for others’ opinions on these things have obviously been through things that have affected their own internal barometers. Expressing your horror at me doesn’t really help. I’m here asking the question am I not? I will do everything I can do to end this sleeping arrangement of theirs.

Well. Yes. This is part of it to be honest. It’s quite confusing. Over there it seems this is not unusual? I really don’t know.

Horrific, im so sorry

A question that shouldn’t need to be asked in the first place.

What culture if you don’t mind me asking v

Pretty much everyone that has commented are absolutely scandalised by this situation, however the poll shows something very different - a third of people think I’m being unreasonable.