Children sleeping in parent’s beds

[questionaboutson]

I am divorced but this was an issue when I still lived with exH.

He used to let the children (I’d say encourage but maybe I’m being mean), sleep in his bed.
i always used to try and get them to sleep in their own beds as much as possible.
(we are from different cultures, not sure if relevant).

anyway, fast forward to now, my 6.5 year old daughter spends every night in her uncles bed when she’s at her dads. My 8 year old son has his father sleeping on the bottom bunk every night. When they’re at mine they sleep in their own beds, every time, unless they wake upset in the night, which is very rare).

totally happy to be told I’m being unreasonable but I really find it a bit ‘icky’ and uncomfortable. Hoping that I’m told I’m wrong and that I don’t need to bring it up with them. (Definitely don’t think anything untoward is going on with uncle - at all, I really just think it’s inappropriate and a bit engulfing/smothering of the dad and brother to be allowing this).

YABU - it’s fine for the kids to do this when little
YANBU - they should be in their own beds

my 6.5 year old daughter spends every night in her uncles bed when she’s at her dads

I'm sorry?

Totally inappropriate

It’s completely inappropriate for your daughter to be sharing a bed with her uncle! WTF! In your shoes, I’d stop her going to her father’s and report it to social services.

Ewww no, not your DD sharing with her uncle. The kids need their own beds. She should be in the other bunk and he can share a room / bed with his brother.

How are you letting this happen OP? This is really serious

Can you just clarify whether the uncle is also in the uncles bed?

Yes he is.

In her uncles bed? What. The. Fuck. Surely not?

I do not agree with cosleeping.. it’s dangerous, and both parent and baby need their space to get sufficient sleep. You’ll never convince me otherwise.

The kids have their own bedrooms with their own beds. This is enmeshment that the father and brother are allowing, because it’s what they were brought up with.

Jesus OP, this really should not be happening 😐

I don't agree with the child sharing a bed with their uncle, but with a parent is fine.

This is a bit of an unnecessarily unpleasant response!

No a 6 year old girl does not sleep with uncles … what culture is this?

It’s one thing for her to sleep in her dad’s bed but her uncle? That’s completely inappropriate and you need to stop this now.

Ok interesting.

Cosleeping is completely biologically and culturally normal and has been the norm in most cultures for most of human history.

I think sleeping with a non parent at 6 is completely inappropriate.

But let's not turn this into an anti co sleeping thing.

Why the uncle???

Yes very normal with parents but uncle is so weird!

sorry op, ‘definitely don’t think’ it’s not enough to be sure your daughter is safe when she is at her dads.

Well thank you all for your responses so far (apart from @Poopeepoopee )

I feel as though my gut feeling has been validated. I am not great at trusting my senses.

the problem I have is that I have absolutely no sway over the father. He has no interest in my opinions, and getting social services involved is a big move. I will do my best to sort this out though.

Completely agree. I cosleep with my kids but would never let them with my/my husbands brother or sister’s partner.

I agree, I coslept with all children when they were breastfeeding babies and it was absolutely the right thing to do. However I got them into their own beds as soon as possible.

My 8.5 year old sleeps with me quite a lot 99% of the time she starts in her bed and wings her way through at some hour 1% of the time she just wants a cuddle and asks to come through, she wouldn't share a bed with anyone else though.

I would question why the uncle wants to do this and say “surely you understand why this looks bad?” You can also tell the school.

Sorry but Poo is right, this is a child protection issue. Anyone tries to have DD sleep with an uncle, I would call Social Services.

What the hell have I just read? A six year old girl regularly sleeps in her uncle's bed?! That's beyond inappropriate, at best.