Children sleeping in parent’s beds

[questionaboutson]

I am divorced but this was an issue when I still lived with exH.

He used to let the children (I’d say encourage but maybe I’m being mean), sleep in his bed.
i always used to try and get them to sleep in their own beds as much as possible.
(we are from different cultures, not sure if relevant).

anyway, fast forward to now, my 6.5 year old daughter spends every night in her uncles bed when she’s at her dads. My 8 year old son has his father sleeping on the bottom bunk every night. When they’re at mine they sleep in their own beds, every time, unless they wake upset in the night, which is very rare).

totally happy to be told I’m being unreasonable but I really find it a bit ‘icky’ and uncomfortable. Hoping that I’m told I’m wrong and that I don’t need to bring it up with them. (Definitely don’t think anything untoward is going on with uncle - at all, I really just think it’s inappropriate and a bit engulfing/smothering of the dad and brother to be allowing this).

YABU - it’s fine for the kids to do this when little
YANBU - they should be in their own beds

Erm Uncle? No sorry that's not ok. My kids will get in my bed if they wake in the night (6&7) but they'd never ever be allowed to with relatives who aren't me or their dad.

Ok this is interesting. I have had to talk to school about the parenting at dad’s before. It’s annoying that it’s the summer holidays.

Yeah I think we would be saying the same thing because they are just simply not a parent to that child!!!

You've asked one question in your title and then another in your post so people will be answering both.

If you had asked if a 6 year old girl should be sleeping in a bed with her adult uncle you'd have a different response.

Ds and I co-slept until he was 8yo, so I have no issue with co-sleeping at all, but your dd sleeping with her uncle is plain wrong.

98% of sexual offences are committed by men

2/3 of child sexual abuse is interfamilial

Is the level of risk the same then?

yes I can see now I’ve put a misleading title.

Which of course means an Uncle would be a much higher risk than an Aunt

💯

Totally inappropriate. I’d be telling my ex if he didn’t put a stop to it i’d contact social services and they will likely advise contact to be stopped if he didn’t comply. This is just inappropriate.

I don't have an issue if any of my kids need to sleep in with me for a night, usually due to a night terror, unwell, impending change etc, but not every night. They have perfectly good beds of their own - my eldest is 6.5 and very rarely sleeps in with me. The uncle thing sent shivers down my spine though. It doesn't seem right, every night she's there but can sleep independently at home? I would be having stern works with your exH about sleeping independently and having her own bed.

The issue here isn’t a young child getting into bed with their Dad, you need to focus on the fact you are allowing your child to share with their uncle. You need to stop this

"If this thing was different would this other thing also be different"

Yes I was agreeing with you, disagreeing with who you quoted

Sharing with a parent is absolutely fine. An uncle, absolutely not. This needs to be stopped immediately.

WTF!!!!!

That's appalling.

The fact that OP isn’t freaking out about this is really pissing me off.

Bit naive and dangerous to assume nothing untoward is going on, you don't think..

Yeah it's quite scary that people try to push the "what if it was a woman" thing, it's daft.

Breastfeeding babies/toddlers and older kids as a one off if they are sick or have had a traumatic experience or a nightmare or something, I see no real issue. Very occasionally, DD5 has a bad dream and crawls in with us. No-one gets much sleep though.

It shouldn't be the norm at that age though, it's just not appropriate.

You need to put an immediate stop to this.

Sleeping with my DC is a joy to both of us, I see absolutely nothing wrong with children sleeping in bed with their parents.

I wouldn't feel weird about my child sleeping with my husband or Mum either. At a push my sister or SIL or the close family friend who babysits (although I can't see why that situation would arise). But I would feel weird about anyone else, especially a person of the opposite sex. Even people I think are lovely.

The Head teachers will still check emails in the summer if they're directly related to safeguarding