Friend upset because of a comment I made about renting

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Last week, I caught up with a close friend and we started talking about pensions. This topic came up because I recently started a new job and chose to opt out of the private pension scheme. I've always made this choice for various reasons that I won't bore you with, it’s a personal decision that suits me. However, I completely understand why others would choose to have one. Of course, I might live until I'm 90 and end up eating beans on toast every day, who knows? But that's my issue, not anyone else's.

Anyway, I told my friend that I wasn't worried and was hopeful that my mortgage would be paid off in the next 20-30 years, so I wouldn't have to worry about that monthly expense. I mentioned that it's harder for people who rent, as that bill will always be there. This comment upset her because she rents, and she felt I was looking down on her. That was not my intention (I actually rented for 7 years before buying my house). I was only stating a fact: rent is a constant expense, whereas a mortgage eventually ends.

Was I wrong? Should I apologise?

Same here , I wouldn't have been offended either .

You weren't insensitive OP , ignore the nay sayers .

OP, you didn't say anything wrong, you were pointing out pros and cons, your friend probably agreed.
Just message and say you hope you didn't upset her, if it makes you feel better.

And ignore some of the nasty comments on here.

Nope apologie and say you wernt being rude but no I rent and wouldn't take it like that everyone's different everyone has a good and bad day maybe she was just being a little down that day and took it for more than what it was we've all done it

Ok so perhaps it was your tone, if you handled it like that. That's a whole lot of judgement and assumption.

You can assume it's easier for them, but unless you know the ins and outs of someone else's finances, who are you to say it's easier for them? How do you know they've not got debt they're trying to pay off, or family members they're propping up financially?

Most people would live their own home, but it's simply not possible for some.

I thought that too. I read on mumsnet that pensioners get housing benefit if renting.

@TheRealGoose I don't think the OP was being rude, smug or crowing about her circumstances. She was being conversational. And honest.
I'm surprised that she has 20-30 years left on her mortgage. I'm assuming it's new and she was RENTING before 😀

So you were just getting a few digs in?

@beetr00 No, I’m sorry, but I completely disagree with your comment. Whether she buys a house or not doesn’t concern me. It was a personal goal of mine, but I realise it’s not for everyone. Homeownership has its advantages, just like anything else, but it also comes with its drawbacks, and I can see why some people would choose to rent to avoid those responsibilities. My friend doesn’t seem keen on buying a house and prefers to spend her money on other things, which is perfectly okay. I don’t care. However, as a couple, with two incomes, it would definitely be easier to buy a property than for a single person. That’s just a fact. It doesn’t imply that I believe she’s wrong for not buying one or that I look down on her.

I don't understand why she's upset. You were stating a fact not showing off.

@whitewineandsun It's not a dig, it's the truth. For a single person, buying a house is significantly more challenging compared to a couple with two incomes. Feel free to look it up if you don’t believe me. But take it however you like.

Every one of your updates makes it sound more like you were having a subtle dig about her housing situation

No they don't. Like everyone of any age, it depends on income/savings. I rent (HA) but I can't claim benefits, and pay all the rent etc myself.

No regrets about renting though. 👍

It does.

She's overly sensitive, I don't think you did anything wrong.

Oh boy are you in for a shock!.

@anniegun How have you interpreted that? All I've mentioned is that she likes to spend her money on different things (true - it’s not a bad thing btw) and that purchasing a house is more feasible for a couple with two incomes than for a single person with one income (also true). How is that a dig?

Of course it is. But you sound like you're judging their situation and/or choices.

'It would have been easier for them with two incomes', etc. You don't know that, do you? I'm assuming here rhat you don't know everything about their finances.

But there’s loads of scenarios like that, but you don’t just come out and say it. It’s a fact that’s it’s better to but a house outright with cash. But you’d look really smug saying that to someone who had just taken out a mortgage.

You said nothing wrong, were just stating facts.

Your friend and her partner may well buy a property in the future, who knows.

It really is best not to talk about money, pensions, mortgages, rents with anyone.

You are off your head opting out.

You are also opting out of the employer’s contribution.

@Moveoverdarlin But I haven't mentioned it to her, have I? I was just replying to a poster that claimed I was luckier than my friend. I honestly don't get what your point is.

If your struggling financially that you can't afford the pension contributions you should look up Rebel Finance School on FB and do their free 10 week course. Will change your outlook on money and life completely.

The way the benefit system is at the moment chances are your friend will get her rent paid for her or at least the majority of it when she reaches pension age obviously this is subject to change depending on things set out by the government.

I think your friend probably thought you were gloating a bit but if she’s sat down and thought about house repairs and maintenance I’m sure she’s feeling a bit better about things as she won’t have these expenses.

@ccridersuz I’m fully prepared for that. I believe I mentioned that myself in my original post 🤷🏼‍♀️

Seems perfectly reasonable to me in the context of the conversation you were having. It's not like you were randomly musing about your superiority. And I say that as a long time renter who's felt awkward about that renter/owner divide.