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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Devastated - can't believe my builder did this

583 replies

INFJismyvibe · 24/07/2025 04:57

Bit of backstory - we've been having an extension done on the house, it's taken well over the agreed time (almost a year over) but we've been mainly patient about it. Builders have been dumping stuff in our garden, making it unusable for the most part. Everything was overgrown as I've been unable to mow the lawn or trim down the bushes, but I've been OK with that. I knew that once they cleared their crap from the garden, I could get back to gardening and sort it out. My garden had some beautiful, well established plants and fruit trees, and some taller bushes that worked as an extra privacy screen, which we really need from our neighbours. Without those, the neighbours can see into my kitchen.

Some of the plants were of sentimental value, gifts from my mum, a plum tree growing from a cutting that my aunt gave me, from my grandma's garden, etc.

The building work has meant I've been unable to use my garden - which was my sanctuary - this summer and last summer.

Anyway, on to current day.
I've been away on holiday with my (older) kids. Dh stayed home for various reasons.

Builder has been in, finishing up on the house. His dad came along (he sometimes helps builder out on projects) and asked Dh if he's OK to clear the garden. Dh naturally assumed he meant all their builder's mess - bags of cement, wood palettes, etc etc. I've been saying for a while that I can't wait for all that to go so that I can tidy up the garden and even be able to access the washing line again.
So Dh said yes please clear it up, and then left for work.

The guy brought in a team of men and they removed everything. Every single plant, bush, tree. Completely removed the lawn (which, to be fair, was riddled with weeds and needed returfing anyway).

But it's completely bare.

All my beautiful beautiful plants, my sentimental ones, my privacy ones. All gone.

Dh didn't tell me until the car journey home as he didn't want to ruin my holiday. But i've just returned home a couple of hours ago, and I'm absolutely devastated. Don't even care about the rest of the work thats been done while I was gone. Struggling to even talk to Dh about holiday or anything else. Completely ruined my return home.

I know some may say, ah it's just plants.... But they cost so much money and effort and time, and can't be replaced just like that. I'm going to have to spend hundreds to fill it up again, and it's going to take years for them to establish. And it needs so much extra work and attention now.

Gutted. Aibu for feeling this way.

Any advice? What do I say to the builder? Dh didn't say anything at the time as he hates confrontation but wtaf?!! And now the builder will think I'm being unreasonable. But it was my sanctuary, my space, my privacy.

Ps please forgive any spelling errors, I've barely slept.
.

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 25/07/2025 02:07

I think the suggestion to spend the rest of the summer planning and improving the soil sounds sensible. Put some plants in once it's autumn.
We actually had turf laid in November a couple of years ago and it grew brilliantly (and I didnt have to water it once) but I'm a lot further south

WoodlandLove · 25/07/2025 05:02

Oh OP, this is such a loss for you, I'm so sorry 😔
I live in a flat, so don't have a garden. But I have loads of houseplants, and some very sentimental, from cuttings etc. I know I'd feel bereft if they all went.
Do you know what the builder did with the plants? They might still exist somewhere, and you could get cuttings from them to propagate?
If nothing can be done, I hope you can grieve, and time really is a healer. You can design a beautiful outdoor space. But, for now, you have every right to be devastated and angry.
Take care x

kimonok · 25/07/2025 05:11

Missj25 · 24/07/2025 21:57

It wasn’t done maliciously PP …
He asked should he clear the garden & OPS husband said yes ! …
Massive misunderstanding to be fair …

I don't think anyone is saying it was done maliciously.

The thing is, if you accidentally crash your car into someone else's, your insurance still has to pay for the damage. Even if your relative has cancer or you have other sad personal circumstances like this builder.

It doesn't matter that this wasn't malicious.

What matters is that the builder caused a lot of expensive damage to OP's garden due to incompetence.

He shouldn't have done anything this big and irreversible without clear, full consent - ideally in writing - which he didn't have. It was dubious verbal consent at best. It would not hold up in court.

Legally, under the consumer rights act, if OP were to pursue this, the builder would be liable.

Faceitprune · 25/07/2025 06:17

Are you happy with the extension op?

RareFatball · 25/07/2025 06:51

AlphaFemaleNotBeta · 24/07/2025 05:08

But pulling out established trees is a lot of work? He removed everything and this was never discussed as per the brief?

I can't get my head around how builders Dad managed to do all this work in 1 day whilst OP's husband was at work. Even with a small team of 2/3 of them, this sounds unachievable in 1 day.
If done over a couple of days, surely husband would mention there has been a misunderstanding about what was to be cleared from garden.

AlphaFemaleNotBeta · 25/07/2025 06:52

@RareFatballnot allowed to be skeptical apparently

FlipFlopVibe · 25/07/2025 08:03

I know you were waiting to go to the garden centre in autumn however with the amazing weather this years’ plants are in abundance and they seem overrun. We always save some plants this time of year from dying off in the clearance section, the flowering will have started to pass but next year you’ll reap your reward!
Hydrangeas and rhododendrons we must have five that were less than a tenner. Lidl of all places had some lovely ones in for £8!

Ohmygodnotnow · 25/07/2025 08:23

Also op, I'm not sure if it's been suggested but www.dutchbulbs.com is a wholesale site and has plants astonishingly cheaply, a really huge range. I spend virtually all my disposable income there! I would draw out a garden plan and work out what plants you need for the back of the border, middle and front. Someone has suggested getting a ton of manure to put down-brilliant idea.
Now is a great time to start planning your bulb display as well-Dutch bulbs have mixed collections of 100 for about 20 or so. You can plan a succession of flowering that will start in January and go through to may when you can put your annuals/perennials in.

Take heart, your garden will be beautiful again xx

Dutch Bulbs

Dutch Bulbs

https://www.dutchbulbs.com/

INFJismyvibe · 25/07/2025 10:51

Ohmygodnotnow · 25/07/2025 08:23

Also op, I'm not sure if it's been suggested but www.dutchbulbs.com is a wholesale site and has plants astonishingly cheaply, a really huge range. I spend virtually all my disposable income there! I would draw out a garden plan and work out what plants you need for the back of the border, middle and front. Someone has suggested getting a ton of manure to put down-brilliant idea.
Now is a great time to start planning your bulb display as well-Dutch bulbs have mixed collections of 100 for about 20 or so. You can plan a succession of flowering that will start in January and go through to may when you can put your annuals/perennials in.

Take heart, your garden will be beautiful again xx

Oh, I've not heard of this site before, thank you. Will defo check out

OP posts:
INFJismyvibe · 25/07/2025 10:52

Faceitprune · 25/07/2025 06:17

Are you happy with the extension op?

Yes.

OP posts:
weirdoboelady · 25/07/2025 11:13

Oh! I've just had a sudden horrible thought based on my own previous experience. OP, get out there with a spade/shovel and just dig down a bit in the devastation they have left.

Why? Because MY bloody builders buried a whole lot of their crap in my garden and then concreted over it with about 3 inches of topsoil covering it up. I think they used the opportunity to dump a whole lot of stuff they were trying to get rid of.

I wasn't living there at the time, so your builders won't have been able to concrete over, but do make sure they haven't just turned everything over and buried their own rubbish.

Piknik · 25/07/2025 11:30

weirdoboelady · 25/07/2025 11:13

Oh! I've just had a sudden horrible thought based on my own previous experience. OP, get out there with a spade/shovel and just dig down a bit in the devastation they have left.

Why? Because MY bloody builders buried a whole lot of their crap in my garden and then concreted over it with about 3 inches of topsoil covering it up. I think they used the opportunity to dump a whole lot of stuff they were trying to get rid of.

I wasn't living there at the time, so your builders won't have been able to concrete over, but do make sure they haven't just turned everything over and buried their own rubbish.

This happened to my friend. They buried the lot - including asbestos.

BadActingParsley · 25/07/2025 13:24

I completely understand why you are devastated. If it’s any help I started my front and back gardens from absolute scratch 3 and 4 years ago respectively and they now look really established. I had cuttings from friends, free and cheap plants from local garden swap FB groups and rescued plants from garden centres.

You’Ll get there.

Christwosheds · 25/07/2025 14:10

OP if you want to PM me I can send you some cuttings.
In terms of what you have now, start to think about structure. Some , possibly all, of your shrubs might regrow, do you know what they were ? I’ve had things chopped too brutally and killed by gardeners, but also things that have surprisingly come back from looking totally dead after very cold Winters. Shrubs and trees give structure around the garden, so in a few months you will know what is regrowing and what is dead, and you can decide how to frame your garden. Climbers are good for adding height and flowers, and they usually grow fairly quickly. Crab apples are lovely for a small garden tree, and should look pretty in two or three years time.
Gardens are always in flux, and everyone loses something they loved and finds a new friend in a new plant. I lost six roses last year, a couple I don’t know the names of, but I’ve put in new ones in new places . Someone doing work for me in the garden has just strimmed to oblivion a couple of new Bleeding Hearts, I am cross but will replace them.
I have a rose of great sentimental value that is looking sickly, I’m going to try getting cuttings from it.
In a few years your garden will be full and beautiful again, and even in the interim it can be stuffed with annual flowers and things that happily self seed and spread, Mexican Fleabane is good for giving flowers in every little crevice.

Elmaas · 25/07/2025 14:13

weirdoboelady · 25/07/2025 11:13

Oh! I've just had a sudden horrible thought based on my own previous experience. OP, get out there with a spade/shovel and just dig down a bit in the devastation they have left.

Why? Because MY bloody builders buried a whole lot of their crap in my garden and then concreted over it with about 3 inches of topsoil covering it up. I think they used the opportunity to dump a whole lot of stuff they were trying to get rid of.

I wasn't living there at the time, so your builders won't have been able to concrete over, but do make sure they haven't just turned everything over and buried their own rubbish.

I have heard of that too in a new build.
Definitely worth double checking.

Faceitprune · 25/07/2025 14:21

weirdoboelady · 25/07/2025 11:13

Oh! I've just had a sudden horrible thought based on my own previous experience. OP, get out there with a spade/shovel and just dig down a bit in the devastation they have left.

Why? Because MY bloody builders buried a whole lot of their crap in my garden and then concreted over it with about 3 inches of topsoil covering it up. I think they used the opportunity to dump a whole lot of stuff they were trying to get rid of.

I wasn't living there at the time, so your builders won't have been able to concrete over, but do make sure they haven't just turned everything over and buried their own rubbish.

How did you discover this @weirdoboelady ?

Badbadbunny · 25/07/2025 15:30

Elmaas · 25/07/2025 14:13

I have heard of that too in a new build.
Definitely worth double checking.

There was an old run down house on the route of my daily walk. The builders demolished it and instead of taking away all the wood/bricks/rubble/pipes/glass, etc., they just pushed it all to one side, excavated a huge trench, pushed all the rubble etc into the trench and then levelled the site with all the soil they'd dug out to create the trench. Then they built the new home on top of it all in the normal way, i.e. excavating troughs to poor the concrete foundations, footings for the brick walls, etc. With the naked eye you can see the ground level of the new house is a couple of feet higher than the neighbouring ones!

I really never imagined they'd be allowed to do that!

pollymere · 25/07/2025 15:31

The difference between clear and raze to the ground I fear. I would be withholding £3000 from the builder until it is "put right" and "made good". You did not agree to have a random person come in and raze your garden. Certainly do not pay for this either. What did the builder agree to do in writing? I'm sure empty your garden was not in the Contract. If you didn't give consent for an external contractor to do this, his father has essentially caused criminal damage and was trespassing on your property too. And I agree to check they haven't dumped building waste in your garden.

anyolddinosaur · 25/07/2025 15:40

just be a bit careful of planting things that will establish quickly. I once planted this clematis https://www.rhs.org.uk/plants/3923/clematis-armandi/details and it will take over your entire garden if you let it.

But if it will cheer you up plant it and get rid of it 3 years later.

INFJismyvibe · 25/07/2025 15:43

Christwosheds · 25/07/2025 14:10

OP if you want to PM me I can send you some cuttings.
In terms of what you have now, start to think about structure. Some , possibly all, of your shrubs might regrow, do you know what they were ? I’ve had things chopped too brutally and killed by gardeners, but also things that have surprisingly come back from looking totally dead after very cold Winters. Shrubs and trees give structure around the garden, so in a few months you will know what is regrowing and what is dead, and you can decide how to frame your garden. Climbers are good for adding height and flowers, and they usually grow fairly quickly. Crab apples are lovely for a small garden tree, and should look pretty in two or three years time.
Gardens are always in flux, and everyone loses something they loved and finds a new friend in a new plant. I lost six roses last year, a couple I don’t know the names of, but I’ve put in new ones in new places . Someone doing work for me in the garden has just strimmed to oblivion a couple of new Bleeding Hearts, I am cross but will replace them.
I have a rose of great sentimental value that is looking sickly, I’m going to try getting cuttings from it.
In a few years your garden will be full and beautiful again, and even in the interim it can be stuffed with annual flowers and things that happily self seed and spread, Mexican Fleabane is good for giving flowers in every little crevice.

Thank you so much for the advice and the kind offer. I honestly wouldn't want to put you out, but the offer means a lot. Thank you xx

OP posts:
SonK · 25/07/2025 16:12

OP you are not being unreasonable at all - I love my plants which have been with me for years and I would be just as devastated.

Can you perhaps talk to him and let him know you never agreed to it all being removed?

Maybe he will offer to help return it to resemble how it was initially?

Sending hugs x

DisabledDemon · 25/07/2025 16:34

I think you may have had my builders who were a collection of fucking shysters.

I, too, would have presumed that 'clear the garden' meant 'Shall we take away all the crap that we have scattered all over it?' not 'Shall we strip it bare?'! I cannot, by any stretch of the imagination, comprehend how they would think that you wanted that.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 25/07/2025 17:17

I have a friend that this happened to, in a very similar scenario, they cleared a 6x9m garden in 5.5h, including a rose her grandad planted when her mum was born that had been transplanted, her mum has now sadly passed and some ashes were mixed in the soil at the base. They admitted they did it but gave no shits, it was easier then cleaning around things apparently.

She was absolutely devastated - understandably and beyond angry, she blasted them online for months, they lost customers (as they should've) and she refused to pay the rest of the bill owing for the building work. I admire her!

The idea of asking friends and family for cuttings is lovely, I am not in the UK and once touched a healthy plant and It died a week later so cannot help 😬 but my mum has a gorgeous garden and would absolutely give some cutings if you find yourself in N London or anyone can advise on how they could be posted.

Sundaybananas · 25/07/2025 17:24

Badbadbunny · 25/07/2025 15:30

There was an old run down house on the route of my daily walk. The builders demolished it and instead of taking away all the wood/bricks/rubble/pipes/glass, etc., they just pushed it all to one side, excavated a huge trench, pushed all the rubble etc into the trench and then levelled the site with all the soil they'd dug out to create the trench. Then they built the new home on top of it all in the normal way, i.e. excavating troughs to poor the concrete foundations, footings for the brick walls, etc. With the naked eye you can see the ground level of the new house is a couple of feet higher than the neighbouring ones!

I really never imagined they'd be allowed to do that!

Edited

But why would they not, in that scenario? Why should it be sent to landfill elsewhere rather than dealt with onsite? Ultimately that probably helped with site drainage.

I can see the issue when they bury things just a few inches below the garden.

INFJismyvibe · 25/07/2025 17:27

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 25/07/2025 17:17

I have a friend that this happened to, in a very similar scenario, they cleared a 6x9m garden in 5.5h, including a rose her grandad planted when her mum was born that had been transplanted, her mum has now sadly passed and some ashes were mixed in the soil at the base. They admitted they did it but gave no shits, it was easier then cleaning around things apparently.

She was absolutely devastated - understandably and beyond angry, she blasted them online for months, they lost customers (as they should've) and she refused to pay the rest of the bill owing for the building work. I admire her!

The idea of asking friends and family for cuttings is lovely, I am not in the UK and once touched a healthy plant and It died a week later so cannot help 😬 but my mum has a gorgeous garden and would absolutely give some cutings if you find yourself in N London or anyone can advise on how they could be posted.

That is unbelievably kind of you (and your mum) to offer.
So sad what happened to your friend though,how awful

OP posts: