Devastated - can't believe my builder did this

[INFJismyvibe]

Bit of backstory - we've been having an extension done on the house, it's taken well over the agreed time (almost a year over) but we've been mainly patient about it. Builders have been dumping stuff in our garden, making it unusable for the most part. Everything was overgrown as I've been unable to mow the lawn or trim down the bushes, but I've been OK with that. I knew that once they cleared their crap from the garden, I could get back to gardening and sort it out. My garden had some beautiful, well established plants and fruit trees, and some taller bushes that worked as an extra privacy screen, which we really need from our neighbours. Without those, the neighbours can see into my kitchen.

Some of the plants were of sentimental value, gifts from my mum, a plum tree growing from a cutting that my aunt gave me, from my grandma's garden, etc.

The building work has meant I've been unable to use my garden - which was my sanctuary - this summer and last summer.

Anyway, on to current day.
I've been away on holiday with my (older) kids. Dh stayed home for various reasons.

Builder has been in, finishing up on the house. His dad came along (he sometimes helps builder out on projects) and asked Dh if he's OK to clear the garden. Dh naturally assumed he meant all their builder's mess - bags of cement, wood palettes, etc etc. I've been saying for a while that I can't wait for all that to go so that I can tidy up the garden and even be able to access the washing line again.
So Dh said yes please clear it up, and then left for work.

The guy brought in a team of men and they removed everything. Every single plant, bush, tree. Completely removed the lawn (which, to be fair, was riddled with weeds and needed returfing anyway).

But it's completely bare.

All my beautiful beautiful plants, my sentimental ones, my privacy ones. All gone.

Dh didn't tell me until the car journey home as he didn't want to ruin my holiday. But i've just returned home a couple of hours ago, and I'm absolutely devastated. Don't even care about the rest of the work thats been done while I was gone. Struggling to even talk to Dh about holiday or anything else. Completely ruined my return home.

I know some may say, ah it's just plants.... But they cost so much money and effort and time, and can't be replaced just like that. I'm going to have to spend hundreds to fill it up again, and it's going to take years for them to establish. And it needs so much extra work and attention now.

Gutted. Aibu for feeling this way.

Any advice? What do I say to the builder? Dh didn't say anything at the time as he hates confrontation but wtaf?!! And now the builder will think I'm being unreasonable. But it was my sanctuary, my space, my privacy.

Ps please forgive any spelling errors, I've barely slept.
.

That is so kind of you ❤️❤️❤️
I'm in Lancashire... Too far?

My heart goes out to you. I can feel the time and effort you’ve invested in your garden. In terms of the space of your area of gardening from the work though, would it have been easy for them to do the work without damage to those areas? If they were very close, it might have been challenging. I think you should have had the discussions with them beforehand about that area perhaps.

Thank you! Yep, I think waiting till autumn is a good idea... As tempted as I am to run to the garden centre! We do have a few good ones locally and they do good sales at the end of summer.
I'm in Lancashire, and yes, we can feel the change here.
I'll check out the book too... Funnily enough, I wrote a children's book on a similar theme after my new neighbours ripped out their beautiful garden so that can can slab it.

Just take care that the manure is well-rotted, we once had some delivered that was full of undigested grain and filled our beds with growing corn!

Are they fluent English language speakers?

Yes that is always a risk unfortunately but if you approach a stable with a few old heaps and dig from the bottom you should hopefully be ok. We did get some mushroom compost for our old greenhouse. Bonus was a huge crop of fresh mushrooms from the remaining spores!.

Honestly, the garden was nowhere near the extension. I think to them it was just usable space for some extra bits. And just those bits should have been removed, not my plants or my lawn.

It seems people on mumsnet like to kick others when they're down.
But thank you for your empathy, it helps xx

No. Not at all. Hence why I mentioned their nationality. Completely non English speaking at all.

Oh no! I'm so so sorry about your plants. I totally understand how special plants can be.

You have very legitimate reasons to feel that way....I don't understand what the builder was thinking.... how can they assume that clearing building mess also includes removing established plants?

I would speak to them to understand their reasons and ask for a contribution towards new plants. If you opt to buy mature plants, replacing them can easily cost you thousands.

I can only image how heartbroken you are feeling.

Oh a little maybe, 400 miles eek.

Ignore them, lots of people project or emotionally kick others on here, let it roll off you.

Ah cmon now , consult a lawyer ..
I feel for OP , I really do , but I also agree I think it was a misfortunate mistake ..
He asked should he clear the garden , to him that was clear the garden ! , DH thought he meant the rubble …
Would you really consult a lawyer given the poor man’s wife is dying of cancer ..
Geuinely , it would never in a million years cross my mind ….

Apologies as i haven't read the whole thread, but if my builder asked me "Am I alright to clear the garden?" I wouldn't just have said "Yes" without clarifying that I only wanted him to clear up the mess that they had created and the detritus that they had left behind. Nothing else!

To me "Am I alright to clear the garden?" is completely different from "Do you want me to clear up the mess we've left?"

Haven’t had the time to read all the responses so this might already have been suggested but ask the builder where he dumped it all and go and retrieve a few plants. I definitely would at least try.

I would be really upset if this happened to my garden. I’m not surprised you’re upset.
See if builder can compensate in some way even though it won’t bring back your precious plants.

If a supposed professional caused several thousand pounds worth of damage to my property then yes, absolutely I’d be speaking to a lawyer. The health of his family members has nothing to do with the business he is running.

I've not read all the comments but I'm so sorry and can totally understand why you are upset. As hard as it is, it's done now so try to keep positive and start planning how you are going to make your garden beautiful again. Try to enjoy the process (and garden centers 😁). X

@INFJismyvibe i am no gardener, the green fingers skipped me BUT could you get in touch with the builder and find out where everything was dumped? Could you possibly get some cuttings to nurture back to life?

I’m so sorry this happened, I’d be devastated too 😟

I dont wish to add to your upset but I’ve become very cynical about builders having family difficulties. I had a cowboy builder who was really late delivering and always had bad luck excuses. I changed to another builder who was also slow but did the work. He also had THE SAME bad luck stories. Maybe there is a book with all the stock excuses …🤷‍♀️

PS Commiserations on your lost garden. It represents years of planning, effort and joy. Lost.

Hi @INFJismyvibe,

I'm a botanist, so reading this with total understanding of how you feel..

I wondered if I could just put in a thought of what is positive? The thing I'm totally focussed on here is that they left the top soil. It used to be common practice for buildings to remove all the top soil from the gardens of new build houses, and replace with bad top soil imported from somewhere else.

From what I'm seeing in your posts, it sounds as though they have left your top soil and that is really very good news.

I'm really sorry to hear that the top growth of the plants is gone, but it's great that some of the stumps are left. Certain of the plants will grow back extremely quickly because their root systems are still fully intact, and that is good news. You will know by next summer what is coming back and what is not.

One of my biggest joys is watching tiny new shoots developing day by day, so it might be worth getting your eye in to really enjoy watching mother nature take over again. It can be a really inspiring sight.

In the meantime, it might be a good idea to grab some dahlias and pansies and things that will make a big show really quickly just to get you off to a flying start.

I hope things pick up for you soon there.

Xx

How do you stop emails from a thr3wd?

OP I totally get where you're coming from. When my father, who was a great gardener died, his garden was left untended for a few months (he died abroad, it was complicated). Eventually my mum called in a gardener to remove the weeds. The guy ripped everything out, saying it was full of weeds. My father's beautiful little tropical corner of paradise was stripped bare of all but a couple of large plants.

I cried as much again as when he died. It was like the little that was left of him was ripped away.

Gardens are emotional things, well beyond the plants in them.

Definitely put the word out.
I live in a very friendly urban setting.
If someone put the word out about this, there would be loads of offers to start cuttings for lovely plants now, that could be planted in September when you have time to plant.
We are huge gardeners as are our friends and we are always giving cuttings of plants to each other.
Gardener's love to share.

It wasn’t done maliciously PP …
He asked should he clear the garden & OPS husband said yes ! …
Massive misunderstanding to be fair …