Devastated - can't believe my builder did this

[INFJismyvibe]

Bit of backstory - we've been having an extension done on the house, it's taken well over the agreed time (almost a year over) but we've been mainly patient about it. Builders have been dumping stuff in our garden, making it unusable for the most part. Everything was overgrown as I've been unable to mow the lawn or trim down the bushes, but I've been OK with that. I knew that once they cleared their crap from the garden, I could get back to gardening and sort it out. My garden had some beautiful, well established plants and fruit trees, and some taller bushes that worked as an extra privacy screen, which we really need from our neighbours. Without those, the neighbours can see into my kitchen.

Some of the plants were of sentimental value, gifts from my mum, a plum tree growing from a cutting that my aunt gave me, from my grandma's garden, etc.

The building work has meant I've been unable to use my garden - which was my sanctuary - this summer and last summer.

Anyway, on to current day.
I've been away on holiday with my (older) kids. Dh stayed home for various reasons.

Builder has been in, finishing up on the house. His dad came along (he sometimes helps builder out on projects) and asked Dh if he's OK to clear the garden. Dh naturally assumed he meant all their builder's mess - bags of cement, wood palettes, etc etc. I've been saying for a while that I can't wait for all that to go so that I can tidy up the garden and even be able to access the washing line again.
So Dh said yes please clear it up, and then left for work.

The guy brought in a team of men and they removed everything. Every single plant, bush, tree. Completely removed the lawn (which, to be fair, was riddled with weeds and needed returfing anyway).

But it's completely bare.

All my beautiful beautiful plants, my sentimental ones, my privacy ones. All gone.

Dh didn't tell me until the car journey home as he didn't want to ruin my holiday. But i've just returned home a couple of hours ago, and I'm absolutely devastated. Don't even care about the rest of the work thats been done while I was gone. Struggling to even talk to Dh about holiday or anything else. Completely ruined my return home.

I know some may say, ah it's just plants.... But they cost so much money and effort and time, and can't be replaced just like that. I'm going to have to spend hundreds to fill it up again, and it's going to take years for them to establish. And it needs so much extra work and attention now.

Gutted. Aibu for feeling this way.

Any advice? What do I say to the builder? Dh didn't say anything at the time as he hates confrontation but wtaf?!! And now the builder will think I'm being unreasonable. But it was my sanctuary, my space, my privacy.

Ps please forgive any spelling errors, I've barely slept.
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Oh gosh, this is absolutely awful. I totally get where you're coming from, and would feel that way if it happened to my parents' garden. So sorry for your loss x

Oh gosh, this is absolutely awful. I totally get where you're coming from, and would feel that way if it happened to my parents' garden. So sorry for your loss x

I feel it is inconceivable it be reasonable to think that meant rip everything out? And this was a huge thoughtless mistake. That’s why I’d consult another builder, to see if they said: what? No one mentioned doing any garden work to the plants and they thought clear the garden that also happened to be full of their shit meant pull up all the plants? Christ I wouldn’t have any customers. Imagine if you said can you clear all that up inside pointing at debris and tools, and they took up the floors… it’s crazy thinking.

That sounds really upsetting! Do you have photos of the garden from before? I reckon you can feed the shrubs, return in September and have a lot of it back in no time. You can replant the destroyed favourite ones.
I would put it down to a terrible miscommunication. Your DH must feel really bad too. Luckily most perennial plants that have rooted are actually quite resilient so if you have a photo, look it all up and check how to feed and water them to re establish you can hopefully salvage a fair bit. In September you may not even need to returf, seed may be enough if you can prep the soil properly and even it nicely.

It makes no difference whether it was malicious or not. This wasn’t a friend that was doing her a favour. It was a business.

Oh gosh, this is absolutely awful. I totally get where you're coming from, and would feel that way if it happened to my parents' garden. So sorry for your loss x

I know but sure this is exactly what the builder thought , clear everything….
Didn’t he pull up the lawn aswel , I don’t know , I suppose he could have made a call to OPS husband to clarify , now that I think about it , pulling up a lawn when doing a clear up in itself is a bit extreme , I’d have made a call there alright if I was the builder, to make sure this is what OP & her husband wanted done …

Thank you! This is hopeful x

This
I know it doesn't take away your feelings OP and your garden is damaged but I feel it is likely to be a misunderstanding.
I am sorry you are experiencing this

Try to find some positives and think of the opportunities to redesign and do some landscaping. Our garden was a pit of mud 5 years ago after a building project. I have built it up with lots of low cost options. Aldi and Lidl are great for shrubs, climbers and fruit trees. I also bought loads of plug plants of perennials like salvia this year - my garden is now a haven for bees!
look up a lady on Instagram called Anya the money saving gardener who gives demos of how to take cuttings etc

Thank you! I follow her on Facebook, she's great!

This is a bananas story and I really feel for you - I'd be in tears. Nobody sane would think "clear the garden" meant "remove the grass" and "dig up actual trees" - the odd shrub mistaken for a weed, maybe, though it's kind of odd for them to do anything other than clear up their rubbish. Your builder may have insurance that covers property damage? Though I don't know if it covers rogue builders' fathers razing gardens to the ground for absolutely no reason.

Lots of good and positive ideas here for future growth and good that you're able to focus on that. Very pleased to read that your lovely cherry tree is there too. Definitely withhold some payment as compensation and use that to pay extra to get some bigger plants (of ones that would normally be slower growing) so your garden feels a bit less like a wasteland.

Oh I would be devestated too. I’ve got a new gardener to help me and I’ve just noticed he has completely weeded a pot that had a lovely moss garden in and I’m upset by that! You’ve had lots of great advice (and a few trolls) and I echo looking at the opportunity to design your garden. The shrubs cut back will probably come back and more vigorously. Also, look at places like B&Q that often have cheap plants and maybe make up a few pots of summer / autumn bedding in the meantime to give that splash of colour and hope.

I feel for you OP, and I understand. Your garden has meaning to you.
I truely hope the cutting back will regrow for you where it can.
Also, id suggest popping a post on your local Facebook site explaining the situation & asking if anyone local could spare any cuttings or plants. I absolutely would if you were local to me.
Good luck & I hope that in time your garden will make you happy again.

If you have cut flowers indoors, you can use some of them for cuttings

I’m growing some carnations from bits that would have otherwise gone in the bin, and I’m experimenting with bits of rose stalks (not doing much at the moment but hope springs eternal!)

Fuchsias are incredibly easy to grow from cuttings too (although they don’t make for great cut flowers 🤣)

I can well imagine the grief.

At the moment my SIL who lost her husband suddenly 4 years ago, is refusing to leave her large house and enormous incredible garden.

Its the garden more than the house, its stunning and 50 years in the making.

But she is stressed not to be able to keep it pristine, but won't discuss trading down.
The emotional attachment is huge.

I was wondering, I know nothing can replace the plants you had that were grown from cuttings from your mum and your aunt, but if other people were to donate cuttings from plants that are special to them, ie if anyone has plants that have similar sentimental value, and donated cuttings - it might feel special in a different way and in some way help heal? Donated with love, from strangers, each with their own special story and sentimental value. Just a thought as I don’t currently have any such plants myself - we’ve just moved house and the garden as yet is a blank canvas, but it’s also made me think very much of the importance of getting and nurturing some cuttings from my DM’s garden.

Why on God’s green earth did the builder do this? It makes no sense 😢 So sorry, OP. It must feel like such a loss.

I would be absolutely devastated. We had a builder in who was working on the brick shed at the back of the garden and thought it was fine to dump a slag heap of rubble on top of a beautiful established hydrangea. I just don’t understand the thinking.

I work in small scale construction, why on earth would builders do a landscapers or gardeners job?! It doesn’t make sense other than they thought they could bill you extra! You’ll need to get furious about this as they’ll want paying - kick up a fuss before they send you the invoice!

Sorry, but this doesn't make sense.
Why would a builder hire a team of Romanians to clear your garden for no reason?

That’s my question. It’s so weird. I’ve never heard of a builder doing gardener’s work.

From that pov it would have been impossible for DH to predict a builder would touch the plants.

That's awful 😭

That's such a lovely thought!

Gosh I’m so sorry, OP, I would be devastated in your shoes. I have plants grown from cuttings from previous houses over many years, the miracle of continuity in gardening is one of the things I love most.

I came home from holiday this summer to a parched garden. My sweet neighbour had offered to do some watering but I think she just sprinkled rather than soaked and I really thought I’d lost some treasures. However I’ve cut seemingly dead stalks down to the ground and already I’m seeing new shoots appear. Your plants may well recover.