Dads partner leaving him homeless after her death.

[Tray80]

Appology in advance for the huge thread but mainly feel like I need to vent so here goes! My dad and his partner have been together for 26+ years, living together in her home for 22 years. Although I was close to my dad as a child, our relationship dwindled as I approached my adult years. I guess he just stopped making an effort once he met my stepmum, as they tended to spend most of their spare time with her kids and grandkids.

Even though they only live 20 mins drive away they never visited including when my babies were born. They put mine and my kids birthday/xmas cards in the post every year. We speak on the phone a couple of times a month( when I make the effort) and I call around to see them half a dozen times a year, always bearing gifts on special occasions for eg birthdays, fathers day, Xmas etc, so basically it's always me making the effort. It used to really hurt my feelings when I'd see how much effort they both made for my stepmums side of the family but after 20 years of seeing it I just learned to live with it.

For the past few years my stepmum has had a terrible run of health. My dad has retired to take care of her as she has been wheelchair bound for quite some time. Unfortunately she's now been diagnosed with cancer and has been told that there's a 50/50 chance that she may not make it through her operation next week. Needless to say the whole family is devastated, including my dad. I called to see them last week and while walking in the garden my dad broke down and told me that he doesn't know how he'll carry on living without his partner. I can tell its taken a huge toll on his health too as he's stopped eating and taking care of himself and even had a nasty fall, which is so unlike him.

Today I received a call from my stepmum. I was really shocked when her number came up on my phone as she's only rang me twice in 23 years. She told me that she wanted to talk to me while my dad was asleep. She said she wanted to lay down the ground rules of how things would play out for my dad if she was to pass away during her surgery next week. It was explained that as the house was legally hers, as it was in her name, she would be leaving it in trust to her 2 children and grandkids, meaning that if she was to pass away, then my dad would be homeless. Apparently she had explained this to my dad a few weeks previous, which timed in with the fall and his sudden run of bad health. I believe this to be due to stress as he'd just been told that in 2 weeks he could possibly be loosing the love of his life, and now also his home. I know that my dad has always been aware that the house was hers and hers only but I don't think he was expecting to be turfed out so fast. I could kind of understand the rush if my stepmums family were struggling financially but they're all very well off. I asked about my dad's financial situation, if he had a bit of a nest egg to get himself on his feet if the worse was to happen and she said that she doesn't know, as they've always kept their finances separate. She mentioned she didn't trust him to take care of the house after his fall. She added that she thinks that once she's gone my dad will probably just give up on life and not be far behind. She also pointed out that hes very lucky that hes been able to live mortgage free for 20 years.

I can't begin understand the stress she's under with the surgery loomimg and the possibility of not making it out. I really don't want to see her in a negative light as I know my dad loves her more than life itself and they both need kindness and support more than anything right now, but the conversation I had with her last night has left me with a bitter feeling. She asked me not to tell my dad that we'd had that conversation, which I will respect. I just don't understand why she'd told me at all, as it clearly wasn't out of concern for my dad but rather a concern that he wouldn't leave the house when shes gone. I feel maybe she was prepping me as she knows he'll be landing on my door step when her kids sell the house, which in turn seems like a smack in the face when neither of them have ever made any effort with me or the kids. I just keep looking at my husband and trying to put myself in her situation. Could I purposely leave my husband financially destitute? I couldn't! The other part that is bugging me is that if all goes well for her then she'll be at home being cared for once more by my dad, the same man she was turfing out on the streets if the worse was to happen. I feel as though hes just being used. I really hate feeling this bitterness about the situation and I know I'm feeling overwhelmed by it all so hoping that someone else's take may help me see it all in a different light. Am I being unreasonable in feeling like this? If you made it to the end then thanks for sticking with me!🤷‍♀️🤯

There was a poster here a while ago who was on the other side of this.

The mum had died and the husband remained in the house and moved a new, much younger partner in a few weeks later. The kids weren't allowed to visit the house or have any of their mum's valuables.

I don't think she is BU to have this arrangement. It's why people are constantly reminded not to be reliant on a single person with no legal protection (marriage etc).

She could die and he could do whatever he wanted with her house. I'd do the same in her shoes.

You have children and are married to your husband so it's not nearly the same as their situation.

She doesn't want to. She's said he could live for 20 more years and she doesn't want her children to have to wait for their inheritance.

🤔

So he's been living there rent and mortgage-free without financially contributing to the upkeep and it's her that's been clever?

My God? Really? How old fashioned. Shame it's so expensive to give it a legal push. What a horrible human being to do that to him. I'd leave when she comes home from hospital. Kids can come over and care for her. Poor man.

They don't have to "need" the money for her to pass it onto them.

The situation also hasn't happened yet so how do you know what decisions they'll make presuming they haven't told you?

Its not actually your problem. Why has your dad never made any provision for himself. He's always known he was in a iffy position. Its not your job to find him a home. How do you know her kids won't let him stay. Stay out of it. Let him sort himself out.

No, it’s the idea that someone should only enter into a far-reaching legal contract (marriage) willingly and with consent. Both systems (common-law and no common-law) have pluses and minuses and neither is any kind of -fashioned. Accidentally giving your house away isn’t a great idea either.

I’ve lived (and been married) in places with both sets of rules. Neither is better or worse, just different.

This is your dad's own doing and it should have nothing to do with you. He has known for a long time that this could happen. He should have some money set aside to stand on his own two feet like the grown man he is. Let him work it out himself. I would make it clear that moving in with you is not an option. He's done nothing for you and practically cut you and your family out of his life so why should you have to bail him out? There's a 50% chance his partner will survive so there's a good chance that he'll be staying on anyway. You need to grow a backbone.

That's not the case in the UK. There is no such thing as common law marriage there

This is a good point, you don't know they will kick him out and it sounds like your Dad has been very aware of the situation. Maybe tread carefully, if you want to be involved at all. You could make the situation much worse

Yeah no. They aren't married nor are in a civil partnership.

Which category does OP's dad fall into?

a)
the spouse or civil partner of the deceased;

(b)
a former spouse or former civil partner of the deceased, but not one who has formed a subsequent marriage or civil partnership;]

F2(ba)
any person (not being a person included in paragraph (a) or (b) above) to whom subsection (1A) F3... below applies;]

(c)
a child of the deceased;

(d)
any person (not being a child of the deceased) F4who in relation to any marriage or civil partnership to which the deceased was at any time a party, or otherwise in relation to any family in which the deceased at any time stood in the role of a parent, was treated by the deceased as a child of the family;]

(e)
any person (not being a person included in the foregoing paragraphs of this subsection) who immediately before the death of the deceased was being maintained, either wholly or partly, by the deceased;

Honestly, if she was upfront about this from the get-go, paid all the bills as you say, I don't think it's underhanded. She was clear about what would happen and did not spring on a surprise. She clearly never wanted him to have a claim to the property. In that case he should have protected himself and had a plan for the future. I'm sorry OP that it's turned out this way, but I'm not sure his partner is as unfair as is being made out.

You say she is “leaving it in trust” to her kids.

Thats very different to leaving it to them from the moment of her death.

Are you sure you’ve understood? Perhaps he gets to live there until he dies, at which point it becomes theirs? Maybe not, it’s just a thought.

What does “leaving it in trust” actually mean?

Why are people judging OP's dad instead of offering helpful advice?

OP, keep supporting him and help with navigating lawyers, but don’t let him move in with you or use your money. You could also contact the council now to flag the situation with their housing department and ask about provisions for over 55s. Your dad's partner didn’t make arrangements to ensure he’d be taken care of if she passed away. If the worst happens, hopefully her family will have the compassion to let him stay in the house while they handle probate and market the property, giving him a few months to sort things out. Make sure funeral costs come from the estate, and he’s not pressured into unnecessary expenses like a horse-drawn hearse. Be cautious and alert, as her family could potentially force your dad into homelessness or make him cover expenses they don’t want to pay. Anything is possible.

No, in this case the person who created the right of residence was lazy and did not do their homework. It is easy to make stipulations - nobody can move in with you, nobody else can live there, they can only visit, and she should have stipulated legally what her kids were allowed to have from the estate. Right of residence is a great idea and works well when properly administrated and set up.

I disagree. She owes him a heads up and nothing else. He chose to absent himself from her life, once she warns him what his partner is up to, and makes it clear he will not be living with her, she has done her duty.

Your dad will have to sort himself out like an adult if the worst happens. Nobody is obligated to house him.

I've just re read and seen that your dad already knows her plans so it is nothing to do with you in any way. Make sure he knows he won't be staying with you, and step right back.

Her house, her rules. Your dad should’ve got his name on the mortgage too.

edit: also just read that your dad knows and is fine with her plans. You need to keep your nose out.

She asked me not to tell my dad that we'd had that conversation, which I will respect.

Unless she got your agreement to confidentiality before she disclosed the information, you are under no obligation to respect it.

You absolutely DONT and you WONT. Make it very clear to both of them that you won’t be and take a major step back. Do you actually think they’d let you move in if you were homeless? They haven’t ever cared for you or your children, that’s the energy they get back. I’d call your Dad and ask what his plan is, where will he go? To a homeless shelter?

Your dads partner sounds ruthless. Make it clear you won’t take the responsibility for housing him. As other posters have said, he needs to work on getting his ducks in a row, yesterday

But, he's stupid if he hasn't put money away.