Finally called my DH out on emotional affair with colleague

[FenbieMum]

I know not everyone will agree to this but I looked at my DH’s phone last night which confirmed suspicions I had around his friendship with a female.

I confronted him and he has downplayed it.

This is the specific exchange I am particularly upset by.

general conversation about an injury his colleague sustained by falling over on a night out
Colleague - do you want to see a photo of the bruise
DH - go on then
Colleague sends photo
DH - 😰😰

The photo was of a bruise on the back of her thigh BUT it’s taken from a bit of a distance so her whole body below the middle of her back is in view and she’s wearing a tiny pair of underwear. Completely inappropriate.

DH says his reaction was about the bruise and not her body! I think he is taking me for a fool. He’s making me out to be some sort of nutter who snooped without reason.

Would you send a photo like that if you were only showing a bruise?! And to a colleague of all people

It's completely inappropriate to send a photo in her underwear. I think the bruise was just an excuse to let him see her ass.
His reaction to a simple bruise is way over the top as well. Highly suspicious behaviour. YANBU.

My EXH had a photo sent to him from a colleague. It was only of her broken ankle. But it still made me question why she was sending him pics of random body parts.
Well they were having an affair and he eventually left me for her.

Sorry to say, but from my own experience, it's likely they are having an affair, or soon will be. Especially the underwear showing too.

Just to add, trust your gut. You only looked as you were suspicious.

Definitely inappropriate

You're spot on OP. I've been in your position - ex partner with a work colleague. I put up with months of nonsense and denial. In the end I put my number under her name and received the texts he was intending to send to her. It broke my heart. I'll never forget the date, time and exact words of that message. I regret giving the benefit of the doubt for so long while I was in a state of disbelief.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, its a duck. Be brave and stay strong x

She didn't need to send a picture.
Does she know hes married? She might have naivety on.her side (i won't hold my breath) 🙈
He needs his arse handed to him.
He's being a hard-faced cheeky little bastard. And he KNOWS IT. 😠 😡 😤
YANBU

Yeah, I think I would also be uneasy if it was just of the bruise. Just seems …off?

Yes she does know..DH confirmed as much!

She clearly sent him that picture as she wanted him to see her body. His reaction to the picture is pretty obvious too. He’s a fucking idiot if he actually thinks you don’t realise that.

I certainly wouldn’t trust his word on that mind. How many cheating husband’s would admit they take their ring off & lie about having a wife at work?? Zero

So you’d be fine me sending a similar photo to Bob in accounts then H? I mean it’s JUST a bruuse

She might as well have asked if he wanted to see a picture of her in her underwear. She's being completely inappropriate, but isn't that emoji just an anxious face ie awful looking bruise?
Not saying he's not loving the attention though. What made you suspicious before you looked at his phone?

This isn't an emotional affair, this is the normal sort but may not have got as far as the physical YET.

Sorry this is gathering to you OP. What will you do?

A lot of contact between them outside of work, messages flashing up on his phone from her. When I mentioned it was OTT he was defensive.

Crazy what a man has the audacity to deny. This won’t be the first picture either.

Life is taking the trash out for you 💖

My wife just doesn’t understand me like you do, she never sees the stress I am under typing over a hot keyboard with all this time to look at photos of my female colleagues in underwear

simple rule if you wouldn’t do whatever it is with a male colleague don’t do it with a female
would he be so concerned about Bob from accounts in his tight-whities, I mean it’s a bruise on a colleague doesn’t Bob deserve a couple of sad face sad face emojis as well?

Did you ask him this?

Sorry OP but if she is sending him photos of herself in underwear then their emotional affair is turning into a physical one, if it hasn't already.

In the end I put my number under her name and received the texts he was intending to send to her.

this is brilliant! Good job, but sorry that you were right. Did you block her number on his phone so she couldn’t send him messages and foil your plan?

He's a cheeky bastard.
And the fact that she KNEW he was married is even more cheeky! Pair of TWATS!
😠 😡 😤
Are there rules in their employment about workers fraternising and having relationships?
As some companies do have policies against it. 🤔 ❓️ 🤔
For some reason the Coldplay concert came to mind.
Pond life, the pair of them.

His colleague is OOO. Your DH just put a sad emoji. Hardly encouraging her on. Might be being a tad harsh here on him. Maybe better to initially treat it as it seems, a needy colleague flirting with him and he politely responding.

Maybe suggest he cuts all non work contact with her to create distance. If he's finding it disconcerting he will agree, if not, you know he's deep in.

The defensive is the major red flag. If a man was really big doing anything wrong he would be mortified of upsetting you. Not defensive

I think the emojis are not encouraging at all. There are a number that would be.
He needs to agree to stopping all contact with her. If he agrees readily and sticks to it. Fine. If he doesn’t I would end the relationship.

This is fucking genius.

I'm so sorry OP - and FWIW, you did the right thing calling him out. You don't deserve this nonsense.

I think your reaction is too mild! And that’s not a sad emoji. There’s many proper sad faced emojis - yet the one he chooses is of someone sweating x2! He’s basically definitely having fun flirting and receiving totally inappropriate pics. Also, the colleague didn’t have him at gun point, when she asked if he wanted to see the bruise, he could have declined! I mean which adult to adult and work colleagues of all things even asks the Q if the opposite sex wants to see a bruise anyway - shows how close they’re already getting sharing such small details as thought they’re each others partners! Trust me, DH is up for and invested in whatever this nonsense is!

It’s really not a sad emoji

It was definitely a sweating emoji and not a sad one. DH again agreed to this, and said he used it to respond to the bruise looking bad