Finally called my DH out on emotional affair with colleague

[FenbieMum]

I know not everyone will agree to this but I looked at my DH’s phone last night which confirmed suspicions I had around his friendship with a female.

I confronted him and he has downplayed it.

This is the specific exchange I am particularly upset by.

general conversation about an injury his colleague sustained by falling over on a night out
Colleague - do you want to see a photo of the bruise
DH - go on then
Colleague sends photo
DH - 😰😰

The photo was of a bruise on the back of her thigh BUT it’s taken from a bit of a distance so her whole body below the middle of her back is in view and she’s wearing a tiny pair of underwear. Completely inappropriate.

DH says his reaction was about the bruise and not her body! I think he is taking me for a fool. He’s making me out to be some sort of nutter who snooped without reason.

Would you send a photo like that if you were only showing a bruise?! And to a colleague of all people

I don't think that's a sweating emoji, that's just a sad emoji. The sweating one is 🥵

I'm in a loving and trusting relationship. It's generally better to give the benefit of the doubt. I'd clearly fail the 'emoji test' for starters!

If you type sweat in the emoji bar, it’s one of the ones that will come up. I think it’s more a cold sweat depiction but the bead of sweat rolling off and the expression for me means something cheekier from him, I mean here’s all the standard sad: 😭😢🥺😔☹️😞😥😪😓😟🤕

Just my opinion though!

I didnt have time to block her - i did it so quickly while he was in the next room. But he then took his phone and left for the day. I suspected he was going to her. I was right. He texted her 3 times as he got into car and pulled away. I called him before he reached the end of our road telling him the game was up.

He disguised her name as Ian in his phone so he thought he had me fooled as messages came through and I caught a glimpse.

I saw first message at 15.20. By 17.00 everything he owned was in front garden. I took his front door key, kept the house, kept the dog - the lot.

A while later he lost his career for unknown reasons and a few years later I saw him stacking shelves in Aldi. He was so pleased to see me and smiled asking how i was. I looked great that day, I was on my way to a Christmas party. I just walked past him and he was crestfallen

Good on you !!!!!

I second it being a sweating emoji😰😰. It’s not sad 😢😢!
If he was that concerned, he surely would have used his words. Something along the lines of ‘oh dear, that looks painful’
Trust your gut, OP.

Looking at the emoji again it’s like he is panting for her, but doesn’t want to be - hence the downturn mouth. I am not convinced he is entirely happy with this situation, she is doing her level best to find a way to contact him. A very honest , frank conversation needs to take place.

Great karma story! I love it!

My ex named his OW Kenny Rogers in his phone. Come to think of it there was a certain resemblance. ;-)
I think it was a snarky reference to a time when we had a night out at a chicken restaurant which was owned by Kenny Rogers. On that evening he was a total asshole, deliberately trying to confuse me. He probably felt like a big man. Sad to think that anyone would consider being mean to his wife in a chicken restaurant so big a "win" that years later he was still savouring it.

@LadyLolaRuben you are a truly awesome individual!

She’s a scheming minx and he’s falling for it and treating you like an idiot.
You’re obviously a lot brighter than him and with higher morals than both of them.
It’s Ultimatum time - you might as well know where you stand right now.

It doesn’t matter what the emoji is supposed to mean, a trustworthy husband would have not asked to see the bruise in the first place.

What’s your next move OP?

Agreed.

Lamest excuse ever.

Would he be happy if you sent a photo of you in your underwear to a colleague?

If she sent him a photograph of her ass in tiny knickers, I wouldn’t describe it as an emotional affair, more the kind that involves blow jobs in the photocopier room.

The emoji is fine, it’s the photo is the issue

Massively inappropriate!! I’d be absolutely livid!

If they are colleagues there is no need to be texting outside of work about mundane things.

He knows what a bruise looks like so if he was innocent he would really, ‘No thanks!’ to her asking if he wanted to see her bruise.

If they’re not having an affair already, they will soon unless he mans up and nips it in the bud.

The interaction was completely inappropriate. If they’re texting like that knowing you’re committed, lord knows what they’re doing at work in person with no record.

It doesn't even matter about the emoji! She sent him a photo IN HER UNDERWEAR and he didn't say "Erm, gutted about your leg, but my wife would find you sending me pictures that are revealing a bit inappropriate..."
THEN come and tell you
THEN let it get awkward with her and distance

Don't get caught up in emoji culture. It's completely fucking inappropriate on her side and I'm sorry to say, if he doesn't agree with that, he doesn't see anything wrong with it because he is interested.

I'd be hitting the roof and kicking the fucker out.

I'm so confused. What has the DH done wrong? I really don't get it. He could have made an inappropriate comment or flirty emoji. He just did the sad face emoji.

I think the colleague likely fancies him. But I can't see what he has done wrong. He probably didn't expect her to send that photo or for it to take that turn.

Genuinely feel really sorry for your DH to be honest unless there was something else you found.

So if your husband had a woman from his work sending him photos of her in her underwear, you'd be cool with him just... Continuing the friendship?

To me, that emoji reaction is ‘hot / panting / sweating’ - ie a reaction to the photo of half her arse, NOT a reaction to the bruise. And he’s done it deliberately instead of a heart eyes etc to test the water. And she’s chosen not to crop the picture and use the bruise an excuse to test the water too. That’s what I think is going on. Unacceptable.

No no. I wouldn't - so I do get that bit. I think she has been inappropriate and probably does fancy him. I think it's fair to raise that concern with DH and ask him to cool the friendship off a bit.
I just don't think there is any evidence that he has done something wrong.

I feel a key part of this is to determine what the emoji is. Is it a sad emoji or a sweaty panting emoji 😂

That emoji is called “anxious face with sweat” which probably explains why people are interpreting it differently.

He’s absolutely having an emotional affair and it’s progressing towards a physical one if not there already.