To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

[alleoindup]

It was his sisters birthday party last weekend but her birthday is today. I work Mondays & Tuesdays so was going to open the presents today. Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one, destroying some in the process (like tearing colouring books and tearing the boxes some of the puzzles etc came in.)

I’m finding it hard to even look at him to be honest: I know I’m probably overreacting but I really am upset.

So I don’t get accused of drip feeding I am struggling anyway and this has just depressed the hell out of me.

How incredibly naughty. this is not acceptable. A four year old should know better and I’m sure he knew he shouldn’t have done that. I think he needs a serious consequence. Sent to his room for the day, I don’t know. If I’d done this as a child I would have had a clip around the ear and sent to my room. It’s just not on, he needs to be taught right from wrong.m

The four year old boys I know (including family) are not capable of reasoning and will do whatever they please if not physically prevented from doing so. You might as well be annoyed at a dog for eating a discarded burger in a bush.

(I specify boys because girls are often more advanced at that age and you can reason with them sometimes).

i would be furious. My four year old would never do something like that - he's four not two!!!

ah OP, sorry about your morning

Jesus christ people need to let off. I'd feel the exact same as you op in this situation. It's more disappointing than angering. Your parenting does not need to be negatively commented on, your son made a reasonable request to you and you agreed.

You're right he shouldn't have done it. And, now there needs to be age appropriate repercussions. I'd be getting him to help me rewrap the presents during your youngest nap and asking for 3 reasons why it wasn't acceptable. I'm mean so would most likely take all screens away for 24hrs.

I also get that you've let him go downstairs on his own. I've let mine do the same and feom about age 7 they would sort out their own breakfast and get themselves ready for the day.

Little things like what you're allowing set them up nicely for a tiny bit of independence and the space to learn and make mistakes. (Obviously safety in mind)

I would react the exact same way as you have.

I hope you manage to salvage the day and your daughter isn't too disappointed. Maybe an extra treat today just for her will help smooth things over.

Sent to his room for the day! WTF. 😬 Abusive. How old are you? Do you have children? Hope not.

How did you deal with it op?
Have you managed to scoop them all up B4 2 yrs old saw?
I'd be pissed off too.
Has he previously been jealous?

With you OP. I’m generally able to let my 4, nearly 5, year old sitting on the living room on his own for 5 minutes. I’m even able to leave him for periods of time while he does his Lego at the kitchen table.

He’s tall, 114cm, and he can’t reach the kettle, taps or oven controls. He can use step ladders but if he did, his focus would be on adding stars on his wall chart, not trying to make a cup of tea.

I’d be upset if he opened his baby sister’s gifts too, because he knows not to do that.

My son was probably the same age when he opened some Christmas presents round the tree before Christmas Day. He was (and always has been) a really well behaved child but sometimes children do ‘childish’ things. Looking back I have no idea how he was able to do it (where was I?) but it is a story we occasionally bring up (do you remember when …). I probably learnt a lesson there myself. Even I as a child (the most ridiculously well behaved kid) secretly rummaged in my mum and dad's wardrobe looking for Christmas presents at about 8yr.

I think to be fair to the 4 year old, being in a room full of presents is probably like being in a room full of cakes and expecting them not to touch them! Especially if they haven't been specifically told that they are for little sister (not sure if this was clear to them or not).

They were probably thinking there might be racing cars/trains/dinosaurs or whatever they love in those amazing/exciting looking presents and basically they just couldn't resist. Even if they did know who they were for I don't expect it occurred to them that as they were for 2 year old sis that they probably weren't going to be aimed at a 4 year old boy!

Of course you were cross and I expect being in a not great place made it seem 100 times worse. Talk to him calmly about what he's done and be very clear that he shouldn't touch things unless he knows they are his or that he is allowed to - if he is unsure then he needs to ask. It's a good time for some boundaries to be made clear to him. Get him to help clean up and rewrap as a consequence. And no tv for today, he should have been watching tv not opening presents, so now no tv.

Not my experience of boys at all!

What if when he was preparing his full English, some oil splattered him!? What if when he was loading the dishwasher, he put a laundry tab in instead!?

Some of these replies about his safety whilst downstairs are OTT.

You're not BU. I'd have told my (about to start reception aged) son off, told him that I was very upset, been very explicitly clear that he is never to do this again, and tell him that he has to help rewrap them when you get them both home from nursery. Then we probably would have given him a hug and tried to move on.

Your DD is only 2 so you can get away with delaying the presents.

Sorry he spoilt it for you and undid all your hard work, though. That's disappointing.

A 4 year old not capable of reasoning? I suggest there are some deep rooted issues at play there then.

The notion that physical restraint of a 4 year old is the only possible option because reasoning doesn’t work is symptomatic of poor parenting and looking for excuses.

It is absolutely not typical for well brought up 4 year olds.

It is very frustrating and hopefully he will be aware of your annoyance and make him think more carefully next time he acts on impulse. I think four year olds are still learning the balance between what they know is right and what they want to do this second.

When my two eldest were around 3 and 5 they managed to get to the kitchen early one morning - managing to climb a stair gate! - and ate all the strawberries they’d picked with their grandparents the day before, think there were about three boxes. There was so much sticky mess and the disappointment that what I was going to use the strawberries for was ruined. Plus one ended up feeling sick. I remember being so cross at the time but with the distance of years I can kind of understand why they lost control and did it even though they’d have known they shouldn’t.

They are in their 20’s now but spent their childhood getting into mischief together!

Some of you have some really low expectations of little boys here. Sad. And I pity their teachers if your attitude is “boys will be boys. They simply cannot be reasoned with 🤷🏻‍♀️”

Why wouldn’t a 4 year old be safe to go downstairs in their own in their own house?! Like seriously?
I’ve just nipped upstairs to go to the loo and brush my teeth. My 4 year old is sat downstairs watching tv.
and no I won’t be shamed. I’m a good responsible mum and care about my children endlessly. Not allowing their to go up/downstairs in their own home is completely ridiculous.

Yes he's 4, not two.

but your so mad you can't look him in the eye for what he did when he was downstairs unsupervised, he lacks impulse control ;normal for his age!!) you're lucky he could have done something much worse! (Cut himself with sharp knife while getting food , caused a fire. Etc).

how can you 'not see the problem'??

I’d be disappointed in my son if he did this at 4. You’re not unreasonable to be really annoyed. I know it’s easy to say this but can you use this as a teaching opportunity?

My take is he should see how much this has upset you (explained in an age appropriate way) and he should make up for doing the wrong thing buy helping you re-wrap every single present and go with you to the shops to replace anything broken (if you can afford to do this) and recycle or fix anything where possible. I’d make as much work and effort for him as possible and talk about the reasons why.

Alright Mary of Nazareth

I think sometimes birthday are hard because there is pressure for things to go well and for everybody to be happy. Unfortunately things rarely go to plan and then people feel really upset. If you can find a way to feel compassionate towards your self and you own hurt feelings then that might really help.

What I mean is that even though it wasn't your birthday, you were excited about it just as if it had been your birthday. Then something happened to change the way it turned out and you found that upsetting yourself.

The important thing maybe to remember is that while the presents weren't perfect any more, your daughter has a lovely brother who she can keep for her whole life. Even if he is sometimes a pest, that is a very special thing.

My son doesn't have a sibling and I think he would probably rather have a sibling even if it meant that presents got spoiled sometimes. It might be good to try to see it through that lens if you can. But also take time to care for yourself, because your disappointment was real and you need looking after too.

Take care there and good luck for the rest of the day. If you feel like reading a copy of Calvin and Hobbs at some point, it mgiht give very helpful perspective.

I'm sure this is exactly what OP needs to read, NOT!

One incident like this does not equate to poor parenting and her child not being brought up well.

Is that normal? My four year old and my best friend's four year old (another boy) just wouldn't.

Well you either hopefully don’t have children (sending a four yr old to their room for the day is disgusting) or you’re 110 and still think kids should go up chimneys.

To those of you demanding who was with the 4yr old when this happened, let me ask you one thing. IF you have children, can you honestly say that your kids never went downstairs at stupid o'clock before the rest of the family were up?
Leave the poor woman alone, she's struggling and upset.

On the upside - sounds like your other child is next younger, so at least she won't remember!
Perhaps wrapping them again (with your help) would be a good punishment, and no Bluey in the morning for a while.