To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

[alleoindup]

It was his sisters birthday party last weekend but her birthday is today. I work Mondays & Tuesdays so was going to open the presents today. Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one, destroying some in the process (like tearing colouring books and tearing the boxes some of the puzzles etc came in.)

I’m finding it hard to even look at him to be honest: I know I’m probably overreacting but I really am upset.

So I don’t get accused of drip feeding I am struggling anyway and this has just depressed the hell out of me.

yes at this age the consequences must be quick and linked to the bad behaviour. So the convo should be ‘was this a good choice?’ Then either explaining why not or he can explain why not. And then ‘how can we try to fix it?’ Help him to re wrap gifts etc. and reiterate that you can’t properly fix them but we can try our best.

I don't have children precisely because children routinely pull stuff like this. Then they move onto the drunk teen story above. Then they move out and never visit.

You're nay saying everything when people are trying to help, youre overreacting and yeah he IS 4. As much as you keep saying no, why bother posting then, you sound like you just dont like him tbh.

So you don’t leave a 4 year old for a few mins alone in a room in their own home? I had 4 and that’s impossible

👍🏻

What do you mean by that??????

A reception aged child would know full well not to do that. It's very unlikely they'd do that at school. It sounds like a huge cry for attention to me

They are when people make excuses for them, don’t give them opportunities to learn and don’t correct their behaviour. Like puppies indeed…

The problem is that MN have rewritten it and some seem quite convinced I was snoring upstairs while my neglected four year old wandered around downstairs, filling up kettles and turning on ovens. Actually, I was getting his sister dressed when he asked if he could watch Bluey and I said yes. As people probably know if they have under 5s Bluey is around seven minutes long!

It’s fine, it’s one of those things, he’s been told off and he won’t be getting a toy he wanted as a consequence.

My not so great place is that I’ve got a physical injury which is really causing me a lot of pain and unfortunately even prescribed painkillers aren’t making a difference. It’s hard having two lively under 5s when you want to saw half your body off!

Unhelpful and a massive reach based on the op.

"A huge cry for attention"? ffs

No, it is a 4 year old being naughty.

He knows what he is doing - if not his teacher next month is going to have "fun" with him ripping into everyone else's lunch box/ book bag. Will he? No, 4/5 year olds know what is theirs and what is not.

@alleoindup i think people are trying to wind you up 🤷‍♀️ of course a 4 year old can be left watching tv with an adult in the house and popping in and out 🤣

Really? How do you think a Reception teacher manages with a class of 30 four-year-olds, half of whom are likely to be boys, and typically just one other adult?

Children largely live up - or down - to expectations.

Can any of the things he ripped up be mended? like the pages of the coloring book?? I know if you tape them you can't colour in those pages, but you can tape one side maybe?

I would sit down with him and show him how to fix the things he ruined, carefully and without getting angry with him while doing it.

I don't think you remotely deserved the criticism over your parenting that you got. Some people on MN have very short attention spans and like to just kick off when they see an opportunity.

I’m surprised at the people criticising you for leaving 4 yr old unattended. I have a just turned 4 year old and she would never do this. They are old enough to understand birthdays and who the presents belong to etc.
Although on birthday mornings we do all go down together to unwrap them. I wouldn’t let one child go down and see the presents all laid out without me there too.
I think the best thing to do is re-wrap them as best you can and get your 4 year old to do something nice for his sister as an apology. Maybe make her a card or do a nice picture or something that he puts effort into and that may make her feel better. And maybe you need to get your daughter some sort of treat to make up for it.

Knowing & having impulse control are 2 different things!

at 4 impulse control is still lacking.

Exactly!

Solidarity OP. When my DS was a similar age, he picked off and ate all of the icing on DH’s cake that I’d carefully iced the night before and left out on the kitchen worktop.

we laugh about it now but at the time, I was beyond pissed. 😆

Your reaction is OTT but you know that. I hope you feel better soon and your pain becomes more manageable x

But the OP wasn't pottering in the next room. She was upstairs asleep.

I have a child the same age and agree with you that it's not unreasonable to leave them for short periods eg leave them watching TV while you do a short job in another room.

As what he's done seems go have taken you off-guard, I'm assuming it's not usual behaviour. I would be inclined to chalk it up to a bad decision on his part. When you're 4 I can see how in a moment, curiosity about what the gifts are, could win against knowing they're not for him. We all make bad choices sometimes, so i’d make it clear it was the wrong choice, but then move on (fake it until you make it if you're still seeing angry about it).

I dream about a day my 4yo get's up and doesn't wake me up 😂

I understand your frustration, however it probably is your own fault for leaving them where a 4 year old could get them. My child probably wouldn't have opened any presents at that age, but it's definitely not that odd that some might - they might not have even set out to, but just been too tempted. Chalk this up to experience.

A four year old couldn’t cause the damage you’ve described in a few minutes. When you come on a forum like this you have to accept that views will differ, you have asked for opinions so you are unreasonable to be getting snippy a about opinions being offered.

I'd be pissed too but that's why we have birthday presents in our bedroom ready for them to open when they get up. Nobody sneaks in and unwraps without me hearing them. My 4 year old would do similar hence why we do this.