To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

[alleoindup]

It was his sisters birthday party last weekend but her birthday is today. I work Mondays & Tuesdays so was going to open the presents today. Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one, destroying some in the process (like tearing colouring books and tearing the boxes some of the puzzles etc came in.)

I’m finding it hard to even look at him to be honest: I know I’m probably overreacting but I really am upset.

So I don’t get accused of drip feeding I am struggling anyway and this has just depressed the hell out of me.

I would feel just like you OP!

But logically, he's really just a baby himself, with poor impulse control and limited ability to understand the impact of his actions on others.

I would sit by myself, breathe and then get on with the day!

Honestly the narrative regarding the child being unsupervised downstairs is insane. Why does this type of shit always have to come up on threads here, it’s besides the point and incredibly stupid and unhelpful.

I don't think I said that children need monitoring every second of every day. I'm a pretty chilled parent, but would be up with the kids on a birthday morning so that presents were opened by the right person. Up and about isn't "watching like a hawk", it's being aware that children are awake and popping your head in every few mins (longer if older).

I'm sure OP would have said if she'd accidentally slept in. Or if she did, she'll be frustrated with herself, adding to her annoyance with the situation.

I can honestly say I don’t feel the need to be hovering anxiously over DS. I know all children are different but I have two kids, I can’t follow them around all day because sometimes they do different things.

This morning DS was downstairs because he wanted to watch Bluey which is reasonable enough as requests to go.

Hello, totally understand the anger if things have been a bit rubbish lately for you, four is very young and this will definitely be a funny story (as others have said) you tell people. Big hugs - cup of tea? As to the thanks! Something very, VERY similar happened to me (and she was turning 5!!), and I just told other parents / relatives what had happened in the message asking what they had gifted, and I got messages of solidarity back, nobody minded and everyone thought it was hilarious!

There are at least two children. The OP presumably can't divide herself in two so there are bound to be times when one child is unattended. Maybe she should get a chain so she can attach the children to her at all times. <sarcasm font ON>

Sorry to hear this, OP. As others have said, this won't seem so bad with the passage of time, but it's not a good start to the day. Breathe deeply and try to get past it. Happy birthday to the little one.

Nope YANBU, that’s jealous behaviour and 4yr olds know not to by that age. Unless there’s some sort of SEN involved that would boil my blood.

At 4 years I would have been able to trust my oldest on his own for a bit but definitely not my middle child!

Is he prone to these things? Does he act young for his age? Unfortunately I 100% agree with PPs - he needed to be watched and not on his own.... especially with presents lurking around.

Erm..well for a start he might have opened all the presents that weren't for him?

I agree.
I assume he doesn’t normally rip up colouring books so I would also assume that he did it deliberately out of jealousy.
The OP has said she is depressed and this would hit hard as arranging a nice day for her DD will have been harder than for all the perfect mums who are judging.

You are allowed to be furious with your kids when they do things like this.

I have 2 children, if they're up and about in the morning I go down with whoever is down. Equally if I knew the living room was full of wrapped presents I wouldn't expect a potentially jealous 4 yr old to be able to entirely ignore that. As an aside they aren't allowed to just take themselves down and watch TV either or my 7 yr old would be up at 4am watching Pokémon. It's not that hard to keep an eye on 2 children and I say that with a 4 yr old and a 7 yr old with additional needs. It sometimes can get stressed if 1 is kicking off about something but ultimately on a normal morning I'd have a decent awareness of where they both are and what they're up to.

Could what happened to the op happen in my house? Yes! But my first thought wouldn't be to 'not even look' at my 4 yr old in rage it would be that I dropped the ball

Or maybe she's depressed so her wee 4 yr old is also having a confusing time with mummy not being herself and deserves some grace here

I think this is unusual for a 4 year old, he knew the presents were for his sister and the fact he actually destroyed some of them speaks to bigger issues than unwrapping someone else's presents. DS and my DNs at that age wouldn't have done that nor their friends and they're not angel children!

I'd be absolutely livid too, I'd expect them to want to look, maybe try and lift the paper off the edges ro have a quick look at one but I actually think a 4 year old should know better and I'd be really upset and angry. And yes at 4 I let mine downstairs on their own.

You think it's unusual fir a 4 year old to misbehave?

He didn’t rip up the book out of spite. It was as he was tearing into the paper the book got torn as well.

@Barnbrack i don’t really think I dropped a ball. DS is stating school in five weeks; he is actually closer to five than four and I think he should be able to sit next to some presents without tearing into them like a starved predator. Both my children sometimes are in the house somewhere I’m not; not necessarily for prolonged periods but I do sometimes need to leave them unaccompanied briefly so that I can prepare food, bring the shopping in from the car or even go to the loo!

The OP hasn’t said she’s beaten the 4 year old or even shouted at him which I know is an unforgivable MN sin.
She has said that inside, she is fucking furious with him for deliberately trashing his sister’s presents. The OP is allowed to have feelings that aren’t all sunshine and rainbows even about her own child. She also doesn’t have to blame herself for other people’s actions, even if the other person is only 4 years old.

Agreed, both my kids (15 months apart) would never have done this. I've always left presents out for Christmas/birthdays and thankfully not had this issue. One has ASD too so less impulse control but he's never done this either. Id be gutted too

He's only four, you are overreacting. 'Can't look at him'? That is super dramatic and disproportionate. That's what you say about an adult or maybe a child who has done something truly heinous, not just messed about with a few presents. I also agree that he may well be picking up on your low mood and acting up because of that. Children are very sensitive and it is bad for them when their parents are in a bad place.

So what were the consequences? I have twin 4 year olds and they’d get an absolute bollocking and there would be serious repercussions

At nearly 5 he's definitely old enough to know better.
Yes you can be annoyed with him.
I certainly wouldn't be rewarding him for such behaviour.

Exactly ! Honestly sometimes people just love to jump in and make people feel worse than they already do

I have a child the same age and am really confused by this. Were you asleep when he was downstairs? What about things like turning the oven on, or spilling a kettle of boiling water over himself?

I let my DC go upstairs alone through the day because it's relatively childproof, but downstairs whilst I'm asleep seems quite dangerous.

In terms of the presents, he's 4 and has immature impulse control. Explain why what he did was wrong then salvage the day for your daughter.

"Put it aside" if it’s a one-off? Give him a big hug?? Why? I certainly wouldn’t. At 4 he’s old enough to know that what he did was very wrong (unless he has severe SN) and he should be receiving consequences, not rewarded with a hug or have his naughtiness ignored.

To be so angry at a 4 yr old who did something silly while unsupervised that you can't even look at them and post on an internet forum for others to back up your rage is outlandish.