To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

[alleoindup]

It was his sisters birthday party last weekend but her birthday is today. I work Mondays & Tuesdays so was going to open the presents today. Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one, destroying some in the process (like tearing colouring books and tearing the boxes some of the puzzles etc came in.)

I’m finding it hard to even look at him to be honest: I know I’m probably overreacting but I really am upset.

So I don’t get accused of drip feeding I am struggling anyway and this has just depressed the hell out of me.

OP I disagree with most of the posters here, I think YANBU

I'd have gone nuclear, especially as you say he's closer to 5 than 4.

Sometimes my 4 year old gets downstairs before we do, it's normal, not a big deal, I also have a 2 year old so can be always in the same room as 4 year old and I'm sure you're the same.

The reality is you do just have to take a deep breath and move on, but I would be absolutely fuming. A 4 nearly 5 year old should know better.

Exactly. I don't believe some of these responses. Yes, what he did was a bit naughty and I'm not saying he shouldn't face any consequences, but I find the OP's hyperbolic language a bit disturbing. At the end of the day, nobody was hurt or harmed. It's not like he killed the family cat!

"Not this morning, it's X's birthday so she gets to choose."

Or

"Of course. X's birthday presents are down there for her to open later. I know it's tempting but please leave them alone."

Could have been avoided. Not helpful now though. Does he have issues with impulse control generally?

Well no it’s not every child, but one under 5 should generally be monitored. If they are able to do things like this they’re being left too long.
If an adult is asleep they might as well be out of the house.

I would be angry. He knew it was wrong. 4 is too old to be doing that.

it’s ok for 4 year olds to be on their own in a room while a grown up is pottering in the next room!

@Overtheway let me help you with your confusion. I was upstairs, getting my younger child dressed while DS was downstairs watching Bluey.

What about things like turning the oven on, or spilling a kettle of boiling water over himself?

DS doesn’t routinely wander around turning ovens or kettles on. In any case, the kettle isn’t within reach. I honestly don’t know why you think him getting a chair, filling a kettle with water, turning it on and then pouring it on himself is a likely scenario. If he did turn the oven on which hadn’t happened to date I’d turn it off again!

I don’t expect a four year old to act like a fourteen year old but some responses are barking mad and acting like a chimpanzee is downstairs unsupervised rather than a child on the cusp of being school age!

No, it isn’t.

I wondered if anyone was actually going to mention consequences here. A PP suggested you and your son have a cuddle!! He needs to know that what he did was wrong. At nearly 5 years old he is old enough to realise that behaviour like this has consequences.

Why are you saying ‘not this morning.’

I’m upstairs dressing DD, he asks to watch Bluey and I said yes. I don’t need help in saying no; it’s a reasonable request. What isn’t reasonable is then tearing into the wrapped presents! I don’t care about Bluey; I care about the presents!

You just needed to have a good vent on here. Hope you’re feeling a bit better for it. If not keep venting on here till you calm down.

I have also let my 4yo downstairs to watch TV in similar circumstances. You're not alone!

I probably would have gone down if there were presents though. We usually open them in PJs as its the first thing they want or do.

My brother did similar to my birthday presents when I was a child. He was always extremely jealous and competitive.

You are absolutely right. Ignore the people telling you otherwise and trying to make you feel guilty.

I feel very sorry for the teachers of their children. How do these people think their little darlings are going to behave in a classroom with 29 other children and perhaps just two adults?

How old is your daughter.

You can't look at him.....get a grip op.

She is 2

You should have anticipated this and kept him away from the gifts if needed. All 4 year olds are different but I think you should have known and you also should have known he had gone downstairs. You cannot fully blame him. He's 4.

Fine. So you let him down there knowing the presents were there (presumably he didn't?) and didn't mention it? Why wouldn't you? And why did you only focus on the first line of my post?

All that from one post? I’m sure OP will love hearing that, particularly when already struggling. You definitely win the judgement award though, well done! 🎖️

I think this comment is really unfair.
how do you know enough to say their family dynamic is not only off but also REALLY off!
im sat next to 4 year old, who is in reception. Hes allowed to go downstairs on his own. He’s not a toddler.

So sorry OP about what’s happened. Don’t feel guilty for being upset, I’d be exactly the same!

@ALPS100 thanks.

As she is 2 op you could have presents tomorrow and re wrap if it's not too late.

Hope she had a nice birthday anyway.

I have a child the same age and am really confused by this. Were you asleep when he was downstairs? What about things like turning the oven on, or spilling a kettle of boiling water over himself?

My children wouldn’t have turned the kettle on to boil water to throw over themselves aged 4, nor had any interest in the oven. Going downstairs to watch tv with an adult elsewhere in the house is perfectly reasonable.

Exactly. OP may as well said they neglect their child for weeks on end for such an odd comment. Odd. Very odd.

He should be able to leave someone else's gifts alone at that age

Does he get jealous over the attention his sister gets?

He needs to be told in no uncertain terms that his behaviour was wrong, and made to apologise to his sister

Must be nice being so perfect and having all that hindsight