To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

[alleoindup]

It was his sisters birthday party last weekend but her birthday is today. I work Mondays & Tuesdays so was going to open the presents today. Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one, destroying some in the process (like tearing colouring books and tearing the boxes some of the puzzles etc came in.)

I’m finding it hard to even look at him to be honest: I know I’m probably overreacting but I really am upset.

So I don’t get accused of drip feeding I am struggling anyway and this has just depressed the hell out of me.

YANBU at all. I completely agree with you that at 4, nearly, he should know for sure not to touch those gifts and I think it's fine he went to watch tv downstairs as well. Some posters are nuts! And worrying for your children because in the moment you were so pissed off you couldn't look at him? So what? It was fleeting. Although I would have been way harsher than you. He would not have gone to the trampoline park ( although I get that may have been for your other DC birthday) there would be consequences 100%

What the fuck is with the deeply personal attacks?

You know what MN is like sometimes. People just want to go in on someone for the sake of it.

Being told in no uncertain terms it was naughty and not to do it again can be quite enough. You don’t have to start having punishments on top of that. I parented that way and have brought up two boys (alone) who are a credit. No need to add misery on dd’s birthday.

Well everyone is different.

You can’t possibly know those things. Hopefully they won’t suffer any of those but life can throw curveballs and depression and addiction etc doesn’t care about wealth.

You’ve said this three times and it has the opposite effect of the one you want. It doesn’t make you look like a deeply caring and sensitive individual who cares enormously about children. It makes you look spiteful.

Not liking responses is one thing. Going out of your way to be as hurtful as possible is another.

And the posts are getting to me a bit to be honest. A lot really. I’m trying to take heart from the fact no one’s actually told me what I’ve done that’s so awful; it’s all very much ‘how dare you feel angry, you terrible person and your poor, poor kids.’ Just the same it’s horrible to read. I’m not perfect; I do get annoyed and I’m sometimes irritated with them.

Maybe that does mean that they are better off without me. I don’t know.

You didn't do anything wrong OP, and you had every right to be angry. I hope you're out of pain soon, and that DD enjoys her gifts.

Oh FFS. It’s perfectly reasonable to allow a 4 year old downstairs alone. I like to all go downstairs together on a birthday so birthday child sees set up first but it’s not set in stone.

OP, I’d be furious too. Age 4 is old enough to understand right from wrong, and he’s made a choice.

The problem is the trolls like to try and break people because they’ve nothing better to do with their sad lives. You sound like a well balanced mum.

Ok, agree to disagree.

So your feeling about my wrongdoing is …

This is what is baffling me. It’s not so much ‘yabu because xyz’, it’s just a flurry of spite.

YABU because you need to acknowledge you’ve admitted he doesn’t have the best impulse control and the presents were left in his reach whilst he was alone and had the opportunity to open them. Should he have done it, no of course not and he should be told as such. However, you’ve not once acknowledged that actually you should be annoyed at yourself for giving him the opportunity when it seems pretty clear that you knew he potentially would open them.

God chill out, you’re being completely unreasonable with you attacks on OP. Billy big bollocks over a key board to someone who openly admits to having a difficult time already. She didn’t scream at him, hit him but felt angry. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel emotions. Stop being so cruel and trying to antagonise someone posting for support

I don’t think I have ‘admitted that.’ In fact, what I’ve said completely consistently is that I think it is reasonable for a child of DS’s age NOT to do that; he doesn’t rifle through other children’s bags at nursery or snatch other toys from them there.

Of course that doesn’t mean you have to agree but it is allowed to get annoyed with your child!

Oh no, no, no. Don’t you go doubting yourself because of a few weirdos on Mumsnet.
As I said before, I’d have been FURIOUS at this and you can bet your bottom dollar that my kid would know all about it!
You’re a great mum. You wouldn’t give a shit if not. And your reaction was perfectly human.

Thanks. I think when you read over and over that someone feels sorry for your children, even though I know they don’t … it does get upsetting, especially because I’m not perfect, and I do make mistakes. I don’t honestly think this morning was one of them though. It’s mainly I’m finding parenting so hard at the moment because I’m in such a lot of pain. It’s difficult even doing simple things.

@alleoindup My not so great place is that I’ve got a physical injury which is really causing me a lot of pain and unfortunately even prescribed painkillers aren’t making a difference.

Oh OP I sympathise with this (currently in a similar position) and think you've handled the present fiasco, this thread and some of the more um, extreme comments really well. 💐.

That means a lot @AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta

“I am struggling”
”oh good, let me put the boot in for no reason”

Quite. What a stupid, shitty comment from that poster, who now looks a fool.

Get a grip. Being a bit cross is not cruelty.

Have you tried Naproxen (prescription). I have chronic pain and it’s really helped. Made a huge difference, though unfortunately can’t be taken for any great length of time, but it might help in the short term.

To me there's a mismatch between what imho is quite immature behaviour for a child of 4 (both of mine would have known by 3 this was absolutely not allowed) and the level of supervision. If you know a child is a bit immature/impulsive for their age, you do have to hover.

And no, mine never went downstairs alone at that age, they were not allowed. They had those sunshine clocks and knew they had to stay in their own rooms until 7am. I or DH were then always up/supervising from 7am until they were older. Even now at 8 my kids aren't allowed to go down and watch tv before I am up.