To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

[alleoindup]

It was his sisters birthday party last weekend but her birthday is today. I work Mondays & Tuesdays so was going to open the presents today. Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one, destroying some in the process (like tearing colouring books and tearing the boxes some of the puzzles etc came in.)

I’m finding it hard to even look at him to be honest: I know I’m probably overreacting but I really am upset.

So I don’t get accused of drip feeding I am struggling anyway and this has just depressed the hell out of me.

But he didn't go down of his own accord, she knew he'd gone down, cots stairhates etc unrelated

@ExercicenformedeZ

why can’t she feel angry? It’s a normal human emotion.

OP I would have been furious too, he's old enough to know that he was wrong. Think you have dealt with the issue well.

Some of the comments on here are nuts.

There is anger, and there is 'cant stand to look at you' anger. The latter is entirely disproportionate for the situation being discussed, and makes me worry for the OPs kids.

MN should make it a rule that if you’re going to say you feel sorry for a posters children that you should donate to a reputable children’s charity. Most people who say this don’t give a shit about children; they just enjoy saying things they think will wound. It doesn’t work with me. My children are from an affluent, stable and happy background. They are more fortunate than probably ninety five percent of the children born on the same day as them. They will not know poverty, homelessness, family breakdowns, underachievement or issues relating to addiction and poor mental health. If you feel sorry for children in that position, donate now to a charity. School holidays started here today. I’m sure your local food bank will happily accept your donation given your concern for children.

@ExercicenformedeZ

whats so bad about Op not looking at him for him
a bit? Presumably also she had to clear up his mess and get sorted for his sister so wouldn’t have had a lot of time on her hands to look at him!

Ah yes, sorry, you’re right, she was more aware of his whereabouts than suggested in my (obviously flippant) post. That counts against her how?

Get a grip! If you don’t like the responses then don’t post!

You don’t give a hoot about my kids or anybody’s. I can see you. What you want to do is pretend to worry about them to try to upset me. Give up.

Goes two ways, doesn’t it?

MN gets very extreme over things like this. Do hide the thread if you need to take a break.

FWIW - my youngest, not quite 4, would not do this. The older two, at that age, I don't know if I could have trusted them not to. I REALLY don't think this is a universal thing where all 4 year olds are exactly the same. And even when it is something you generally trust them not to do, I've definitely had moments with all the kids - I remember going into DS1's room when he was 6 and he had inexplicably drawn on the carpet with felt pen. It was a rented house and I have no idea why he did it because he was perfectly fine with pens 100% of the rest of the time. The funny thing was even he couldn't answer why he'd done it!

Secondly, it's totally fine to be angry, hurt, upset by things that happen even if they have happened because it was a child being impulsive and not malicious. It's totally normal and human to have emotions. It wouldn't be fine if e.g. you went full on hulk and destroyed his posessions in retaliation, or banned him from birthday parties for a year or something equally unhinged, but you didn't do that. You probably had a totally understandable emotional outburst on first discovering the presents and then decided on a reasonable consequence or future management strategy (if it even needed either) when feeling calmer. It's totally fine and normal to need some space and be pissed off. Finding it hard to look at him doesn't mean not looking at him, and is not at all the same thing as manipulatively performing some kind of silent treatment/rejection as a punishment. Some posters really like to project their own abusive childhoods on here, and I'm sorry for anyone who has experienced it, but it's not the same thing as a parent who is struggling to process something that has happened, especially when it's tied to something of high emotional significance e.g. a birthday.

I've seen a bit of discussion online about how we seem to have this idea now that being mentally healthy means being perfectly happy and calm at all times, but in reality it is normal to experience anger, upset, sadness, regret, disappointment etc. It's also OK if those feelings last longer in response to "bigger" events, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong. I expect all you need OP is a bit of time and you'll feel better and, like people said at first, in a few years it will have faded to just be a funny story.

You’re coming across as angry and unhinged.
your affluent and very well looked after sprog opened his siblings presents. Big deal.
you post on a forum asking if you’re being unreasonable and go crazy at those on here who think you’re over reacting

How about you get a grip and realise that if you post you will get a range of responses. Also, how do you know that I don't already donate to a children's charity. I'm honestly sorry for your kids. They must have to constantly walk on eggshells around you.

@Leaveswoods

dont pretend you wouldn’t have been annoyed by the extra work her child created for her.

Why did you bother to post if you only wanted validation? If you just want 'you ok hun' try Facebook.

@Leaveswoods as @BertieBotts has succinctly put it, being a stable and healthy person does not mean never getting pissed off. Sanctimonious and annoying people are always going to be irritating. It’s a bit of an extreme reaction to claim someone has anger issues because of expressing annoyance and it’s done deliberately: to try to goad and annoy so when someone gets annoyed you can triumphantly state ‘aha! Knew you had anger problems!’ It is a real wanker thing to do. Piss off. And that’s said wearily rather than angrily.

DS was forgiven within ten minutes of this event. He’s been to a trampoline park this morning and spent the afternoon reading his sisters new books and playing in the garden. Needs a call to the NSPCC to be sure 😐

You have money so all else is fine? I'm rich so infallible? My children won't know homelessness so not supervising adequately is fine? And what they get up to so then their fault and you must accept no responsibility. Indeed.

I see this is one of the threads that's gone a bit special for no apparent reason. It's like a pack of rabid dogs here sometimes.

OP - no you're not unreasonable. Yes it is OK to be sodding upset. Of course a nearly 5yo should be OK on their own in another room/downstairs. By the same token a nearly 5yo bloody well knew not to open those presents, but kids don't stop being random pricks till they are like 25.

Could you have prevented this? Sure, if you were as perfect & infallible asked so many of the other commenters who aren't, apparently, normal human beings.

Yes coming here to vent & look for empathy should have been the better option of bawling him out but...MN...

I'd have been absolutely gutted were I you, I really would have.

Hope you're day gets better & when DH/DW/DP gets home (from where we all know they are) you get a lovely hug

There was quite an interesting thing about how on Reddit's Am I The Asshole (essentially same premise as AIBU) that a lot of posters charge in looking for a villain - which I think is what is also happening here.

So either the 4yo is the villain because they should have known better.

Or the OP is the villain because despite the present opening being a heinous crime, she should have supervised better.

Or OP's brain weasels (MNer-diagnosed depression, trauma, neurodiversity etc) are the villain causing her to overreact to this totally mundane and predictable scenario.

(Always extremes)

The general idea that we could just have a conversation about ugh, isn't it shit when kids do shit things that maybe are a bit naughty and maybe could have been prevented, but overall it's not really anyone's fault, it's just annoying, and sometimes it happens at a point where things are hard anyway and parenting is hard, you don't always have the "right" response as written in the parenting books but that's life and you'll laugh about it later - this doesn't fit into the "finding a villain" narrative.

It would be interesting to note if the same thing happens on other threads like Parenting or Chat. I think it definitely happens on Relationships, but not sure about others.

Hate this response! Just excuses bad behaviour & poor parenting

Totally. Just adults havdwaving their own utter uselessness.

No, that’s not what I said. Don’t take one line of a long post and twist it to suit your agenda. FWIW though, there is a high correlation between poverty and societal ills. It is a huge driver of misery.

I think it has infiltrated most of MN @BertieBotts bit there are a lot of posts and posters which are kind, sensible and helpful. Yours being one of them.

Well we know what happened. Next time might be something else that gets destroyed or he gets hurt if he can rip open all that in a few minutes. Obviously needs better supervision.

Sounds like he has been rewarded for his behaviour then. Where was the consequences so he knows not to do something like this again.

My sister used to draw on everything (walls etc). She did grow up to be very artistic to be fair but every surface was fair game when she was young.