Child Free Weddings have always been normal - stop pretending otherwise

[thelakeisle]

Just that really. Every other week some entitled family member trots out the "reasons" why she is super special and her children MUST be allowed to attend someone else's wedding. It's batshit, over entitled and frankly weird.

I do not understand this desperate need to control other people's lives or inability to just turn down an invitation politely.

Other people's weddings - no matter who they are or what your relationship is - are not about you. The bride and the groom are the only people who get to decide anything.

No ifs, no ands, no buts.

So, when you receive a child free wedding invitation these are your options.

1. You can ask very very very politely if your children are the special exception - the answer will be no, by the way.
2. You can accept the situation like a grown up and say yes.
3. You can accept the situation like a grown up and say no.
4. You can accept the situation and throw a tantrum in real life, on mumsnet or any other platform of your choice.
5. You can turn up with your kids and be exiled from most family events for the rest of your life.

And for the hard of thinking:

1. Child free weddings don't mean they hate your children or any children.
2. They will be fine with you turning down the invitaiton, you won't be making any great dramatic stand by doing so, few will notice, probably none will actually care.
3. There are extremely good reasons why some people have made the choice to not have kids at their weddings, dating back right through history this has been a common practice.
4. Again, this is not a new thing. Not at all. You're just not very well educated about the past, or are wearing your Pollyanna goggles.
5. Not wanting kids at the wedding has nothing to do with aesthetics and everything to do with adults enjoying themselves unencumbered and uninterrupted.
6. Your kids are only cute to you, your spouse and maybe the grandparents. Everyone else is just being nice.
7. Your personal story doesn't matter to the bride and groom, and nor should it.

I think that covers it. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

Stands back to await the hurricane of entitlement and faux shock and horror.

Posting with a poll for a bit of a laugh, mumsnetters do love their polls :)

YANBU. I love a child-free wedding, and I have a child.

Yep, I have two now adult kids, should have mentioned that in the post :)

All the best weddings I’ve been to have children included. One great one had a nursery room with a childminder who entertained 10 kids under 10 for the whole evening. I’d much rather attend an informal wedding with children than an OTT formal do without.

Should have said, I have two adult kids, and never once was offended at child free invitations to anything, because I am not an entitled, delusional arse 😇

@parietal what did the children get from the wedding if they had a separate room and a childminder. Could have had that at home

Strong disagree, all the best weddings are child free. But you're entitled to your opinion providing you follow the rules as laid out by the bride and groom without throwing a tantrum.

I'd never heard of a child-free wedding until about 10 years ago 🤷‍♀️

Yep true but I think the difference is that ‘everyone’ used to get married before kids (or they were pretty much cast out) and therefore it was expected as the bride and groom wouldn’t have kids themselves. Nowadays a lot of people have kids first and therefore it’s made kid friendly weddings an option that wouldn’t have previously existed.

I guess in your circle they were unusual. I had never heard any complaints about the extremely common practice of child free weddings till about 10 years ago.

So then the children weren't even there 🙄

And enjoyed it more!

Great Ted Talk. Subscribing to your channel 😁 You even managed to get the numbered bullets to be consecutive instead of all saying 1!

Yep, fair enough, I do have a friend who had her son be part of the bridal party when he was about 11 and she was remarrying, I'd actually forgotten about that.

But guess what - only her son and no other children were invited to the wedding, and we were all totally cool with that and had a splendid day drinking, dancing and eating with other adults.

Love this, miss the laugh emoji.😅

Weddings always had children where I grew up. I’m in my 50’s. I’ve only heard of child free in the last 10 to 15 odd years. I make no comment on anything else but I don’t think it was a thing until the last decade or so.

They weren't a thing in my experience. I remember going to weddings with my mum back in the 80s. It's definitely a modern thing here. I wouldn't go to one probably unless it was very local as I can't reliably leave my youngest with anyone (additional needs). I'd spend the entire event on edge waiting for my phone to ring to collect him/go home. Not relaxing at all.

So essentially, childcare was provided onsite so the adults could enjoy being childfree. 🙄

Whereas I am on edge if I'm at a wedding with my kids, because I don't want them to run feral as many parents seem to these days, so I'm watching them like a hawk and not actually paying any attention (or very little attention) to the celebration at all.

Your experience is extremely limited then. Children at weddings was a pain in the arse and nobody did it in my circles in the 80s or 90s, the only one that had kids at it was grumbled about because the bloody kids got on the dance floor and did a highland bloody fling, and we were all bored sitting around wishing they would just sit down and let us get on with celebrating, while the proud mother beamed obliviously. What a palaver.

To be fair, the bride's family were from Ireland and coming over to visit so she didn't want to tell them the kids couldn't be there. She apologised profusely to all of us that she was inviting kids, but as we said then, your wedding your rules.

@thelakeisle I just meant it became an actual thought.

I wonder when the phrase ‘childfree wedding’ was originally used as I bet it was just a ‘ ‘wedding’ prior, invite whoever you want.

Plus behaviour is pretty all over the place now, some kids are great, others are horrendous but none are seen and not heard anymore.

I think there has to be acceptance both ways

It's fine not to invite children, but that means you have to be fine with people who have no childcare not coming.

I have a maternal cousin who hasn't spoken to me for years for not going to her wedding. She married my paternal cousin after meeting him at my 21st birthday party. She was in my year at school and we shared the same friends group. Ex was away with the military. His family lived in Aus. Literally everyone that had ever looked after my girls was invited to the wedding. She's never forgiven me for saying I couldn't go.

I feel childfree weddings are more the norm now except in the weird world of MN. I know plenty of people who have childfree weddings, the only kids invited are their own and they leave quite early on. Weddings are usually alcohol fueled parties, if they are any good and it's actually really inappropriate to have children around.

My mum had a child free wedding in the 70s
and I had one 17 years ago so def not a recent phenomenon. Much prefer child free weddings!

It's always been a thing. When my friend was marrying in the 80s she made a point of apologising to us for inflicting kids on us, but we were all very well brought up and assured her that it was her wedding so of course she could do as she pleased.

What was the reason though, was it that you had very young children and genuinely couldn't go or you couldn't be bothered making any effort like so many on here? I don't know why Literally everyone that had ever looked after my girls was invited to the wedding has to do with anything?

I had an invite to a wedding when my DC was young, so DH stayed at home and I went alone. I agree though, if it's not possible then the B&G should accept it, and not talking to you ever again is an extreme reaction so perhaps there was more to it?