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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner not interested in grandchild

128 replies

LHS123 · 22/07/2025 09:11

I’ve a 2 year old grandchild, I’ve been with my partner 7 years, he’s not interested in slightest with him or my family tbh; all very nice when they are here, just wondered will things ever change, my grandchild is a huge part of my life, I’m scared I can’t be the nanny I want to be because of my partner .

OP posts:
nomas · 22/07/2025 09:17

Need more info.

Does he take an interest in his own family?

Does he expect you to take an interest in his family?

Is he generally uninterested in your life and hobbies and friends?

MyDogHumpsThings · 22/07/2025 09:17

Not sure how you want the voting to work, but some people just aren't into kids. What is it that you want him to do that he isn't doing?

Edit: And how does this prevent you from being the grandparent you want to be?

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/07/2025 09:19

I’m scared I can’t be the nanny I want to be because of my partner

What do you mean by that? Are you wanting to babysit at yours but your partner is against it? That sort of thing?

Lurkingandlearning · 22/07/2025 09:21

If he is nice when they visit, isn’t that enough? Is he aware you would like him to show more interest and what that would entail?

I ask because a) some men need to be told explicitly what is wanted from them, they just don’t get it otherwise. B) some grandfathers show minimum interest in their grandchildren until they of the age that they can do activities together. Your GC is probably still too young for that

Hodgemollar · 22/07/2025 09:21

It really depends on what you mean, if he’s nice when the child is around him what specifically is the issue?
Your partner really shouldn’t be changing how you are as a grandparent.

Daleksatemyshed · 22/07/2025 09:22

How does his lack of interest effect your relationship with your DGC Op, you can still see your DGC without him

PestoHoliday · 22/07/2025 09:22

If he prevents you from spending time with your grandchild, that’s a huge red flag.

If he just doesn’t really interact with the toddler and generally can’t be arsed, that’s fine. Lots of people aren’t into very small children. You crack on being a loving grandmother and don’t worry about whether your partner joins in or not.

OversharedsoNCneeded · 22/07/2025 09:22

I can imagine my partner being like that and our kids are still in school, he has little interest in his side of the family, not sure how that impacts what kind of nanny you want to be though?

TomatoSandwiches · 22/07/2025 09:24

What is he doing that means you feel you can't be the grandparent you want to be?

Viviennemary · 22/07/2025 09:24

Why should he be interested as its not his relative. It is hard for you but you can't make somebody be interested if they are not. What exactly are you wanting. Like days out together with your partner and grandchildren and things like that.

LimeQuoter · 22/07/2025 09:29

A good half of guys are like this if it's not their biological grandchild. Sad but true. You can't control how he feels but you have a right to how you feel. Id imagine you feel a bit sad about the situation, I know I would. That said, I wouldn't let this take away from your experience of being a granny. See your grandchild, maybe they will grow on him. There may always be some issues there though. Are you ok with that and could you talk to him I wonder?

Whiningatwine · 22/07/2025 09:47

Many men don't want to take on someone else's kids, which is perfect fine. He probably thought that by getting together with someone with grown up kids it wouldn't be an issue.

Now it turns out it is a issue as you are wanting to re-enter the family stage, which he saw as done.

If he is stopping you from seeing your grandchild then you need to reassess the relationship. If he just isn't interested then I think that is fair enough.

ChrisMartinsKisskam · 22/07/2025 09:49

My husband has a grandchild similar age
I’m not particularly bothered either way
they are cute as all kids are but i don’t consider myself to be his step grandmother or anything like that and I’ve been married 20 odd yeahs
I will go with my husband when he visits every other weekend but sometimes I don’t as I want to chill out at home or I have other stuff I want to do

I say hello do the usual child crap stuff that you do when you see other peoples kids

but as for babysitting taking them on days out / holidays away with us - not a chance in hell
well he could but I wouldn’t be going

my husband visits every other weekend for an hour or so but I don’t think he would be offering to do child care so that the parents could work or babysitting either

I do see my own nieces and nephews but they are older so more fun to do stuff with and my husband has often taken them out on his own as they have a common interest in hobby that they all do

NotCrazyAboutIt · 22/07/2025 09:51

What exactly is it that you think you can’t do as a grandmother while in this relationship?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 22/07/2025 09:51

My DB is a step grandfather and, while he's there and present and helps with the grandchildren whom his wife insists on having to stay overnight frequently, he has confided to me that sometimes he'd like a weekend or Christmas with just the two of them and not the extended family all the time.

So there's nothing stopping you being the GP you want to be, but maybe cut him a bit of slack and do most of it when your partner isn't there? It can be hard to constantly be 'on duty' and doting on children that have no connection to you other than by marriage.

Shoxfordian · 22/07/2025 09:55

How does he stop you from interacting the way you want to with your grandchildren?

Zempy · 22/07/2025 09:56

What do you mean when you say you’re scared you can’t be the nanny you want to be?

RampantIvy · 22/07/2025 10:13

Viviennemary · 22/07/2025 09:24

Why should he be interested as its not his relative. It is hard for you but you can't make somebody be interested if they are not. What exactly are you wanting. Like days out together with your partner and grandchildren and things like that.

I agree. I don't think many men in their 60s/70s? would be interested in a random 2 year old.

You have unreasonable expectations. It is your grandchild, not his.

Why is his lack of interest affecting your ability to be a granny?

PollyBell · 22/07/2025 10:23

Then get rid of the partner, it is not hard

BlueandPinkSwan · 22/07/2025 10:24

PestoHoliday · 22/07/2025 09:22

If he prevents you from spending time with your grandchild, that’s a huge red flag.

If he just doesn’t really interact with the toddler and generally can’t be arsed, that’s fine. Lots of people aren’t into very small children. You crack on being a loving grandmother and don’t worry about whether your partner joins in or not.

I'm the same with step gc, don't see them that often and not over interested tbh. I like to know the families are okay, but I don't communicate with them on social media etc.
If h died I wouldn't keep in touch.

thelakeisle · 22/07/2025 10:25

It's your grandchild, not his, he's fully entitled to have zero interest Just crack on.

PassingStranger · 22/07/2025 10:29

Sounds abit of a misery
If it's important to you then he should be supporting you, not making you feel uncomfortable.
Perhaps he's clueless and dosent know how to.interact, in that case the child's not missing out on anything.

Coventgardengirl · 22/07/2025 10:30

What exactly is he doing that’s upsetting you?

Branleuse · 22/07/2025 10:36

Have you told him that you want to do stuff with your grandchild together and its making you feel sad that hes not interested

SaywhatIthink · 22/07/2025 10:45

I have no interest in any ones kids.
Not even my familys kids.
Just the way i am.
I dont hate kids their just not important to me.
I would never see them hurt or harmed but dont ask me to do family stuff or babysit.