Partner not interested in grandchild

[LHS123]

I’ve a 2 year old grandchild, I’ve been with my partner 7 years, he’s not interested in slightest with him or my family tbh; all very nice when they are here, just wondered will things ever change, my grandchild is a huge part of my life, I’m scared I can’t be the nanny I want to be because of my partner .

You are wasting away your life with him. Get rid and have fun with the grand kid

He chose not to have children himself - there's a decent chance its because he is not really bothered about them.

I was going to say you were being unreasonable - FIL isn’t interested in his own grandkids, he certainly wouldn’t be interested in anyone else’s (so his second wife is childfree by choice, and they have a lovely retirement of restaurants and travel).

But the updates are awful. Why on earth did he go mad when he heard your daughter was pregnant? Who is he to say you can’t have garden toys?

Toddler years go past so fast, and this is the age where granny bonds are formed - they won’t be interested in getting to know you once they are older. If you want more contact than you DP is allowing you, get rid of him.

This. You’ll have the loveliest memories of your own GC playing with your garden toys. Don’t spoil that for a man.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. It’s been 7 years. He won’t change.

How are you today, op?

Sorry for being quiet and thank you so much for your replies, it’s my home, he moved in, I suppose I’m too nice and soft and think things can change, don’t get me wrong he can be lovely, I do think there’s some mental health going on too
i I can see him looking at the clock etc when GC is here but then he’s the same with his own family.

Don’t miss out of your grandchildren’s lives.

It doesn’t sound like you’re happy.

If you don’t want to be with him anymore, ask him to leave. Don’t let his mental health make you feel obliged to let him
live with you.

Does he pay his half of bills/rent/food?

I agree with this. Don't miss out on the lovely times you should be having with your little grandchild.

It’s your home & you should do what you want. So if you want grandchild to have toys & other toddler friendly things there then that’s your choice. My parents & in laws used to have a few toys, games, plates, trampoline & other bits & bobs at theirs.

Honestly you might be better off without him. He sounds quite controlling - considering it’s not even his place.

Yes he pays a lot, earns more than me too

It's terribly sad that you seem to be on edge when when your family and grand daughter arrives. Out of interest, does he get along with your daughter? You must take a long hard look at your life and what it has become if your daughter suggests some garden toys in YOUR HOME and you are not even going to suggest it because you dread his reaction.

Do not let this socially awkward, jealous man rob you of those glorious young grandchild moments. They go so fast. The poster above says you don't sound happy? What is he bringing to your life to make it better than living alone? After 7 years, you know he is not going to change - in fact it will probably get worse, grumpy old men are a reality.

It's your house.
I think you have to tell him you love him and want him in your life But you intend having a close warm relationship with your grandchildren and you will have toys in the house and garden and go out with them for days, have them over for sleepovers etc. He doesn't have to go with you and if he prefers he can go somewhere else when the children visit but tell him it's non negotiable.
Behaving as he is it is affecting your relationship with your family. I wouldn't accept that.

Does he have hobbies? Maybe plan for him to go out for golf or wherever. No point having him there killing the mood. If he says ‘it’s my home’ be firm and say ‘actually it’s my home’

Then he won't be homeless or hungry.

OP do you actually want to be with someone who sulks, went mad when he found out your daughter was pregnant, and who you can't even bring up things like getting a couple of toys for the garden for your own home because you seem scared of his reaction? None of this is normal

Whose house is it?

What's keeping you with him?

The joy of garden toys lasts such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. I would want to make the most of every moment of it all.

I think you have some difficult questions to ask yourself about the kind of future you want. Perhaps seek help in real life to work through this. X

FFS. So many women fob themselves off with 'I'm just too nice'. No, you're not being nice. Who are you being nice to? Not your daughter, not your grandson, not yourself, not even to him (not that he deserves it) because your motivation isn't 'niceness' it's placating a nasty old man. FGS it's your house. He went mad that your daughter was pregnant and you daren't even ask him to have toys in your garden for your grandchild. Kick him out and enjoy your family.

Can't you go on a day out with your GC and leave the miserable one at home, it doesn't affect him at all if you're both out of the house, you could even go away for a weekend with your daughter and GC and he doesn't get a say in the matter, surely.

Yea this! And why would you prioritise being 'nice' to this bloke then your own child and grandchild? How do you think your DD must feel that you prioritise this guy over them? How sad for her.

Well you met him knowing he has no kids of his own. You also know that he is the same with his own family. So this is on you, you knew exactly what to expect. Why don’t you leave if this is a huge obstacle for you? I’m guessing that he is the provider for you therefore you will not leave?

Thank you for your reply’s. I do pay a lot of bills c tax . not all rent myself . I only work part time but yeh it’s worrying going it alone after 7 years

Have you had an open and honest conversation with your partner.

“DP I can sense that you’re not overly keen with my GC being here. Do you think this is something that is going to have a long term effect on us as a partnership or are you happy for me to have them there as long as I’m not asking you for help?”

He went 'mad' when your adult daughter was pregnant and has domineering mood swings? Ugh, I'm sure none of your relatives want to be around him. Why not remove him from your property, then you can enjoy dating him if he is really fun, intelligent and life enhancing.
He sounds like a really crap boyfriend who serves no purpose.