Partner not interested in grandchild

[LHS123]

I’ve a 2 year old grandchild, I’ve been with my partner 7 years, he’s not interested in slightest with him or my family tbh; all very nice when they are here, just wondered will things ever change, my grandchild is a huge part of my life, I’m scared I can’t be the nanny I want to be because of my partner .

That is awful. Sounds like he is jealous. Do you want to be treading on egg shells all the time and frightened to spend any time with your GC?

I think many men of a certain age are focused on their own comfort and needs. You fulfil his needs and kids don’t. He won’t change

It isn’t just the gc thing is it then? He doesn’t sound very pleasant at all. Why are you with him? (Not in a goady way, just in a - can you let us know why kinda way)

If your family are important to you, why have a partner that isn’t interested in them?!

He is what he is. You can still be a Nan. 🤷‍♀️

He is not going to change. Don’t sacrifice your relationship with your DGD and your DD for him.

OK - who is more important to you? DD/GDC or him?

He went mad about one of your kids having a baby?

My DH has 2 grandsons and to be honest I’m not that interested in them. However I’d never stop them visiting or staying over and I interact and play with them when they are with us.
it sounds like he doesn’t like anyone who takes your attention away from him

Early in tbe thread I thought you were being a little unreasonable. My husband worships the ground our grandkids - all step grandchildren to him - walk on, but he’s fairly hopeless at the drudgery of small kids: the crack of dawn starts, the repetitive games, the faffing with food, the mess. And he’s never had kids, so he’s a bit nervous of doing something wrong.

But your later updates made me change my mind. Mine suffers with a smile when the wee ones wake him, and he cooks Sunday breakfast for them cheerfully; as they’ve got older he takes them swimming and kayaking and so on; and when they were younger I bought a huge climbing frame/playhouse and he built it without a word of complaint, and was always the first to help them climb it.

Even if they shared no interests with him, he’d make an effort with my kids, as well. I’d ditch yours, he sounds obnoxious and boring.

Don’t get it … why? Is he stopping you seeing your grandchild?

He doesn’t sound like a very nice partner @LHS123
He went mad when you told him your dd was pregnant 🤔
Do you live in your house with him or did you buy a home together?

I think a lot of YABU votes were made after your first post. Reading the rest of your updates makes it clear (to me at least) that your are not being unreasonable. He sounds horribly selfish person.

Is it his house you're living in?

So he’s a horrible cunt then? Controlling and abusive? Why would you keep him? He sounds grim.

If he's child free by choice Op part of him choosing to be with you was your DC being adults living elsewhere, he was shortsighted about DGC. Is it your house or his because it does make a difference in what's reasonable. I have a feeling if you want to be a really involved DGP this relationship will have to end

Another one here in the YABU after the first post camp but with your updates, I have to ask what on earth you see in him? He sounds awful (and abusive). He's never going to change so it's down to you to decide whether or not to put up with the man-child.

I think you’ve fallen in love again OP. Grandchildren can do that to you. The thing is, it’s not his grandchild, and he isn’t a family man, so he’s unlikely to share your devotion. Sadly I think you might have to make a choice, and it sounds like you would choose your DGC.

A word of caution, before you sacrifice your relationship do make sure that the child’s parents are happy to have you as involved as you want to be.

I promise you it is jealousy and it never, ever gets better. The more you allow this to go on, the more it will destroy you and your familial relationships.

What do you think are your next steps?

He shouldn't need to be interested for you to be a good GP as long as he is polite and respectful. Your comments after your OP make it sound like it's more than that though.

The place you live in, is it his, yours or in joint names?

If it's yours I wouldn't hold back on having garden toys or anything else. If it's his, then talking to him about it would be a start but you could always decide to live separately. You mentioned moods which don't sound great. How long have you been together?

Hmm, he went mad when he was told she was having the baby. Was he worried that ye might have to help her financially or practically or anything? If he is a quiet sort and doesn't have kids himself, could he be feeling overwhelmed by it I wonder or a bit sad he didn't have his own.

I know before I had kids myself, I found it hard to listen for too long about other people's kids, even if they were family. I was ok for awhile but if they talked for too long about them I'd get bored. It's good he's ok when your daughter is there anyway. You should be able to have your granddaughter to visit every so often, it is your house too and toys if you want too. Is he afraid your focus will go off ye'r life too much and wants ye to be a back up for your daughter if needed. Consider if he is controlling in other ways also.

It's natural to be excited about your grandchild and you well deserve to be happy about it after all the years of parenting. Congratulations by the way and don't let this spoil how you feel about it. Within reason, see your grandchild and be happy!! And he is preventing you from seeing her too much, I would have a good think about what you want because I doubt he will change

Why on earth did he go mad when dd announced pregnancy?

Imo, he’s not doing anything wrong. I wouldn’t like a garden full of plastic for my dh’s potential GC either and wouldn’t be interested in childcare. I’d be sweet and play with them on visits but that’s it. In what way is he stopping you though?

Yabu. Nothing stopping you being the granny you want to be. If he goes get rid of him. However totally understand if he not that into your grandchild... That's very normal behaviour.